(no subject)
I'm completely exhausted.
Maybe it's because it's the end of the month - and at the end of the month I always feel this crunch to make all the money I need for rent, and other bills.
But I've been working so much. And getting yelled at every day. And getting criticized. And feeling like nothing a lot of the time.
The past two nights of work I've had this overwhelming feeling like I needed to cry. I almost started crying last night, but pushed it all aside.
This week I worked a double Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and I even went in for an hour on my day off - Thursday.
I've started drinking pretty consistently - get home from work, need a drink, make a drink, drink said drink, and then crash.
I'm happy when people come visit me. I'm happy when I'm talking to my work friends. But otherwise I'm pretty unhappy.
That could just be because at least once a month (generally at the end of the month) I get really depressed - it could be hormones... but I'm not sure.
It's the same each time - I get really sad about how alone I feel. And sad about how I'm not doing anything truly meaningful.
I keep trying to tell myself it's only one more year and then I can explore the options of going back to school and getting qualified to have a better job.
But right now I'm just so tired.
---
Today's the Michigan/Wisconsin football game - yeah, my car is totally parked in, and I have to be at work by 5:00... I called the manager of my apartment, and he said there was nothing he could do. Which is fucking ridiculous because he should get his ass down here and have all the unauthorized vehicles towed - like the fucking sign says. I even called the towing company, but they said Rod had to be here, and since he obviously doesn't want to do that... Gah! I just want to scream.
---
I just want to go back to sleep....
Maybe it's because it's the end of the month - and at the end of the month I always feel this crunch to make all the money I need for rent, and other bills.
But I've been working so much. And getting yelled at every day. And getting criticized. And feeling like nothing a lot of the time.
The past two nights of work I've had this overwhelming feeling like I needed to cry. I almost started crying last night, but pushed it all aside.
This week I worked a double Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and I even went in for an hour on my day off - Thursday.
I've started drinking pretty consistently - get home from work, need a drink, make a drink, drink said drink, and then crash.
I'm happy when people come visit me. I'm happy when I'm talking to my work friends. But otherwise I'm pretty unhappy.
That could just be because at least once a month (generally at the end of the month) I get really depressed - it could be hormones... but I'm not sure.
It's the same each time - I get really sad about how alone I feel. And sad about how I'm not doing anything truly meaningful.
I keep trying to tell myself it's only one more year and then I can explore the options of going back to school and getting qualified to have a better job.
But right now I'm just so tired.
---
Today's the Michigan/Wisconsin football game - yeah, my car is totally parked in, and I have to be at work by 5:00... I called the manager of my apartment, and he said there was nothing he could do. Which is fucking ridiculous because he should get his ass down here and have all the unauthorized vehicles towed - like the fucking sign says. I even called the towing company, but they said Rod had to be here, and since he obviously doesn't want to do that... Gah! I just want to scream.
---
I just want to go back to sleep....