rejection takes its toll
I'm tired.
When did that happen?
A friend of mine asked me why I don't have a boyfriend - but the way he phrased it really upset me. Like there was something wrong with ME - "You're so beautiful and smart, I just don't understand (what you've done wrong) to not have a boyfriend" Was the way I interpreted what he was saying.
I'm trying. I really am.
I don't feel like I need a man to define me.
I know I'm a beautiful individual.
I know the reason I want a boyfriend is to have a companion who cares deeply for me, who I care deeply for as well.
I want someone else in this world to appreciate the fact that I'm alive. That's the broadest way I can put it.
However - when it comes to men I feel like I'm just eye-candy to most of them. They just want to sleep with me and move on.
I harshly tried to explain this to my friend tonight - accusing him of being one of those guys and telling him he didn't have to right to be one of them and ask me why I don't have a boyfriend - while not expressing a desire to be my boyfriend.
I'm just too tired to deal with it though.
I'd love to have someone who consumes all of my thoughts and daydreams.
Someone who I can smile secret smiles about.
I'd love to be wanted and cherished.
But it just hasn't happened yet - and I hope it's not because of something I'm doing or not doing.
-
I'm also tired of not having girlfriends. I find myself gabbing about things in my life to people who couldn't care less.
I try to talk to my sister. Try to hang out with her.
And every time she has turned me down.
One night I even drove all the way out to my parents house to hang out with her and after dinner she said it was too late to go out and shd just wanted to lie on her bed in her room and watch TV shows (which I had no interest in). It was a complete waste of my time, and I didn't get to spend any quality time with her.
I'm just going to have to pull away from her. I can't deal with my family not wanting to see me so I'm going to have to pretend like I don't want to see them.
That's how I have to justify it, so it's as if I'm rejecting them instead of them rejecting me...
How many times in my life have I been rejected by people?
It takes it's toll.
Ciao...
When did that happen?
A friend of mine asked me why I don't have a boyfriend - but the way he phrased it really upset me. Like there was something wrong with ME - "You're so beautiful and smart, I just don't understand (what you've done wrong) to not have a boyfriend" Was the way I interpreted what he was saying.
I'm trying. I really am.
I don't feel like I need a man to define me.
I know I'm a beautiful individual.
I know the reason I want a boyfriend is to have a companion who cares deeply for me, who I care deeply for as well.
I want someone else in this world to appreciate the fact that I'm alive. That's the broadest way I can put it.
However - when it comes to men I feel like I'm just eye-candy to most of them. They just want to sleep with me and move on.
I harshly tried to explain this to my friend tonight - accusing him of being one of those guys and telling him he didn't have to right to be one of them and ask me why I don't have a boyfriend - while not expressing a desire to be my boyfriend.
I'm just too tired to deal with it though.
I'd love to have someone who consumes all of my thoughts and daydreams.
Someone who I can smile secret smiles about.
I'd love to be wanted and cherished.
But it just hasn't happened yet - and I hope it's not because of something I'm doing or not doing.
-
I'm also tired of not having girlfriends. I find myself gabbing about things in my life to people who couldn't care less.
I try to talk to my sister. Try to hang out with her.
And every time she has turned me down.
One night I even drove all the way out to my parents house to hang out with her and after dinner she said it was too late to go out and shd just wanted to lie on her bed in her room and watch TV shows (which I had no interest in). It was a complete waste of my time, and I didn't get to spend any quality time with her.
I'm just going to have to pull away from her. I can't deal with my family not wanting to see me so I'm going to have to pretend like I don't want to see them.
That's how I have to justify it, so it's as if I'm rejecting them instead of them rejecting me...
How many times in my life have I been rejected by people?
It takes it's toll.
Ciao...