the conclusion of my portfolio.....i think it says just about everything
The End of an Era
I sit now, typing the last few pages of what is my final high school English portfolio. It’s also the last piece of homework I will have as a Sutherland High School student. It is difficult for me to comprehend this fact at the moment, that it’s finally all over; I sometimes find myself thinking that come September I’ll be back at Sutherland, wandering through the halls with my best friends and complaining about all of my teachers. In reality, I’ll be at Geneseo, and my best friends will be scattered all over the East Coast, hours away from me. I’m not ready to say goodbye to them, and I find myself dragging out finishing this portfolio because, in a way, I’m not ready to say goodbye to it either. The moment I finish it, everything is all over.
For most of this year, June 12th, 2007 seemed ages away. I didn’t want to think about the last day of classes, choosing to roll my eyes at Ashley as she became more and more nostalgic as the weeks passed. Even so, leaving Sutherland was always in the back of my mind. I found myself thinking of my last Homecoming Week at Sutherland, my last Halloween at Sutherland, my last Sutherland midterms, February break, last high school show, last AP exams sitting in uncomfortable desks at the Rec Center. Suddenly, it was June 1st, and I was preparing for Senior Banquet, and Darien Lake, and my impending graduation. These past few days have been incredibly scary.
As much as I don’t want to think about what will happen to me in the next few weeks as I deal with leaving home, I find myself doing so already. I can’t help but circle items in catalogs that I think I might want for my dorm, or make a list of the clothes I want to buy this summer. I’m spending the summer with my four best friends, hanging out until we all get sick of seeing each other. Apparently, this will make us more eager to leave, because we won’t want to be near each other and will want to make new friends. But of course, I know we’ll have our moments where we won’t want to leave each other. I guess that will make our reunions more worthwhile; with all the hours separating us, we won’t be able to be the “Fab Five” until Thanksgiving, or even Winter Break.
Even as I attempt to finish this portfolio, I find myself distracted by the Geneseo website. I guess you can tell, Ms. Gordon, that I really don’t want to finish this. I’ve waited until the last possible second to start it, because I wanted something to keep me occupied tonight. Otherwise, I’d be sitting watching television, spending my last real “school night” being completely unproductive. While that may sound appealing, I’d rather do something, even a portfolio, to make myself feel useful.
My senior year was not as easy as I thought it would be. Going into it, I thought nothing could be worse than the spring and summer right before hand; the worst four months I’d ever encountered up to that point. I definitely was wrong. I worked diligently on applications and essays for college, all the while doing two musicals back to back (42nd Street and Crazy For You) and dealing with feuding friends and a stupid guy who was toying with me. (My “Guy Who Didn’t Love Me But Was Still Acting Like It.” Needless to say, he and I don’t talk much anymore. My life is certainly calmer now.) With all that, I hardly had any time to read books, whether for school or simply the ones I was checking out of the library on a weekly basis. Then there was the great “College Debacle,” where I had no idea where I was going to be in August. It was a mess. A huge mess.
It took me a very long time to get myself back on my own two feet, but once April rolled around my life started to get back on track. Although I had no idea where I was even going to school until a few days ago, (shocking, I know, but the truth) I still managed to convince my best friends that they really didn’t mean those horrible things they said to each other, and that yes, they were overreacting. Plus, I was reading books that I was really enjoying, like The Stranger and Dubliners. Those two books were by far my favorites from this year. I couldn’t put them down, and I was constantly reading ahead because I was too impatient to wait until it was assigned for homework.
As I look back on my senior year, I don’t think I would change the way everything turned out. Though it pretty much sucked to go through it, in the end I’m a better, and stronger person. I’ve learned that sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want it to; we can’t go to that dream college, nor can we be friends with someone whose idea of friendship is treating you like you are worthless. Sometimes, you won’t talk to your friends for three days because of a stupid email, but that’s life, and you just have to work through it.
That’s what I think I’ll apply to the end of this year. Sometimes, we can’t stay in high school forever. We have to say goodbye to people we love, places we’ve seen every day for eighteen years. That’s life, and you just have to work through it.
I guess this is goodbye.