An Exploration of "Suck"
So, seriously. I'm not depressed or anything, because I'm taking meds for that, but my life SUCKS right now.
This has quite possibly been the worst week ever. I mean, seriously. I know it's mostly just the IB Exams so I'm not able to handle things very well because I'm not operating on full emotional and mental capacity, but still. I just can't handle all of this. I'm just so tired.
Let me give you a list of Teh Suck so I can wallow in my misery a bit more.
Directing the Unpopular Short Play: *sucks*
Brian and this shit with the word 'love': *sucks fucking sucks on the emotional crap and anger sucks*
Philosophy Final Where I am Teh Stupid: *sucks*
IB Physics Exam Part One: *SUCKS*
IB Physics Exam Part Two: *sucks, quite possibly, even more*
IB English Exam Part One: *suuuccckkk*
IB English Exam Part Two: *sucks not quite so much, but still serious suckiness*
Having Two of These Exams on the Same Day: *SUCKS*
Rome's Bitching and Nagging: *always sucks*
Crying in the Car For Hours (literally) with Mom after Too Much Ice Cream: *sucks*
Crying during Theatre Warm-Ups in a Room Full of People: *oh my god teh suck*
Gaining Weight This Week Despite My Work to Lose: *sucks, dammit*
Not Always Being Able to Rely on Your Parents: *sucks*
Being So Fucking Tired and Not Being Able to Nap: *sucks so bad*
Frantically Trying to Meet the Drama Scholarship Deadline: *sucks, because I suck*
Not Getting the Courage to Ask Someone "Can I Talk to You?" When You Need It: *painfully sucks*
Disappointing My Dad Because He Was Helping Me Out and I'm an Idiot: *really, really sucks*
Feeling Friend-Less During Green Room Speeches: *repeated suck of angst*
My One Scene in the Play Not Going Well: *sucks*
Wanting Someone to Be Around, but They're Not: *sucks*
THE GOD DAMN FUCKING SHIT WITH SHORT PLAYS AND MY CASTING: *sucks angrily*
Knowing that I Haven't Gotten Through Hell's Half-Acre Yet: *really, really sucks*
And that has been my week. And it's not over yet. I've got a long weekend ahead of me.
But, ohhhhhhmigawd, Robby and Berengée. Cutest couple ever. Can you believe they've been together for so long? ...Fifteen months, now? And seriously, Robby? Whippin' out Billy Joel and singing "For the Longest Time" to her during Green Room and everyone else joining in and the boys giving back-beat while the girls harmonize... Just awesome. So much fun, and the cutest thing ever.
Robbengée. Haha. I love unit names. Maybe Rob'n'gée is better...
Thanks for mentioning me in your Green Room speech, Ber. I really do appreciate it. Everyone always says "I know if I don't get it you, it doesn't mean I don't love you or anything," but it does hurt to feel overlooked or not important enough or the like.
So I'm glad to have introduced you to your boy, Ber, by dragging you into the drama department. I'm glad I've been able to give you something in these... five-going-on-six years of friendship? I wish I could have given you more. I wish I could be one of those friends to you who... is more.
I guess our paths just never crossed enough, but do know that I carry you with me in my heart as one of my dearest friends, because I will never have a friend who is like you. You are special beyond words. "Classy" is what I keep saying. Soulful. Mature. Composed. Classy. And just knowing you has done something for me, because you are one of the few teenagers in this world who I truly, deeply respect.
And though we haven't necessarily suffered together, we've suffered; we understand.
I'm glad I've been able to give you something, though I wish I could have given you more.