oh vj.
have i ever told you that i miss you?
thinking back on it, vj,
i loved you with all of my heart.
and i wasnt willing to blieve it back then-
i didnt think i knew what that was
whatever kind of love we had-
i thought i wasnt ready for that yet,
or something.
but i didnt let myself feel it
and i replaced it with my jealousy
or my anger
or my sadness
but you are such a good guy, vj,
youre amazing.
ive never met anyone like you
and i dont suppose i ever will again
oh, but i loved you vj, so much
in this warm, fuzzy, non-relationship worthy sort of way,
and even now
7 months later,
i dont think ive stopped.
***
im just remembering fiddler, you guys
that was a good one.
and despite how crazy it may sound, just the fact that it was winter gives it a weird place in my heart.
all of my little problems then now seem even littler
im such a drama queen.
but have you ever thought back on yourself
and remembered one thing
and it just brought back so many memories??
know what im talking about??
like right now
seeing fiddler memories in my head
i actually feel like i did in fiddler.
scared. nervous. but so excited. and so loved.
and loving everyone around me.
and worrying over stupid guy stuff.
and just thinking, oh my god, i love my life.
i love this theatre.
i love my friends; i love my family.
being concerned over things like
that vj liked me
and i didnt know what to do
bc i liked mark.
and for some reason
thinking of that red sweater he used to wear
gets me every time.
it makes me think of the young mark-
the one ive seen in pictures,
the one i met at wizard callbacks
the one i watched in shows since then.
i miss fiddler.
except em and beck and chel and others weren't there..
some people were there
and they made my first show back at take-one
so utterly amazing
that i had to come back for more.
and isnt that what a family's for?
thinking back on it, vj,
i loved you with all of my heart.
and i wasnt willing to blieve it back then-
i didnt think i knew what that was
whatever kind of love we had-
i thought i wasnt ready for that yet,
or something.
but i didnt let myself feel it
and i replaced it with my jealousy
or my anger
or my sadness
but you are such a good guy, vj,
youre amazing.
ive never met anyone like you
and i dont suppose i ever will again
oh, but i loved you vj, so much
in this warm, fuzzy, non-relationship worthy sort of way,
and even now
7 months later,
i dont think ive stopped.
***
im just remembering fiddler, you guys
that was a good one.
and despite how crazy it may sound, just the fact that it was winter gives it a weird place in my heart.
all of my little problems then now seem even littler
im such a drama queen.
but have you ever thought back on yourself
and remembered one thing
and it just brought back so many memories??
know what im talking about??
like right now
seeing fiddler memories in my head
i actually feel like i did in fiddler.
scared. nervous. but so excited. and so loved.
and loving everyone around me.
and worrying over stupid guy stuff.
and just thinking, oh my god, i love my life.
i love this theatre.
i love my friends; i love my family.
being concerned over things like
that vj liked me
and i didnt know what to do
bc i liked mark.
and for some reason
thinking of that red sweater he used to wear
gets me every time.
it makes me think of the young mark-
the one ive seen in pictures,
the one i met at wizard callbacks
the one i watched in shows since then.
i miss fiddler.
except em and beck and chel and others weren't there..
some people were there
and they made my first show back at take-one
so utterly amazing
that i had to come back for more.
and isnt that what a family's for?