we must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
I love the random updates from people, weather or not we still talk, its nice to see that livejournal is not totally dead. Only semi.
If someone told me in high school the people who were my best friends, my support system would no longer be there when my dreams started coming true, I would have laughed in their face, that I tried pot to impress the guy I was dating. I would have said never in my life would I change for some guy. Haha, well I guess I did change, and I guess my "friends" weren't ever really there.
In 06 after graduating high school I went to school, and wasn't very motivated, still lost on what I wanted to do exactly. Then I got a knock on my door, and as cliche as this sounds, it was an oppurtunity, literally knocking. Anyways I have learned a lot ver the past few years.
Working on the Whitehouse campaign opened my eyes to so many great things, and I fell in love. I found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, no not canvass, but lobby. Not for the organizations that kill people, ciggerate companies, or gun associations, but for the environment, or education. Anyways, I made some awesome contacts that would now benefit me and at the time I just thought I was replacing the friends I had lost. Yes, I was the youngest of the group, so they all looked at me like a kid, until I proved myself and then I gained their respect.
Anyways, after that life went back to normal, working at the bakery. And one night after getting yelled at by some dumb lady about not having dough I went home, and told my parents no more, by Christmas I wanted a new job, and this was mid October mind you.So as I was bitching to my parents how much I hated work, there was a knock on our door, and we were all confused, and so my mom answered, to find a canvasser. She said to the guy to hold on, and she got me. I listened to what he had to say, I signed on in support of clean water. He asked for a donation, I was literally broke. Well he offered me a job, and at first I didn't take anything from it, and then one day after a very bad incident that I won't mention out of respect for a party, I went home and told my parents I was done with the bakery, this was right before thanksgiving. So I called clean water the next day, scheduled an interview, went in for an interview, and was shocked, they were all like me. Just a crazy kid figuring out what she wanted to do. Had my first interview that went well, and then scheduled my second interview. And after my second interview I got the job. It was a great success, because I had done it on my own, without anyones help. NOt very Rhode Island. So I have been there for about a year, and with that I have traveled, all over, met the President, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden and other great people. I have made new friends along the way, and fallen in love. Its awesome dating a guy who you worked with, you know he gets the job, and you, and your passion. So had someone told me I would be an activist I would have said maybe, but without your high school friends, I would have said nope, we can tackle anything together.
We all thought we were invincible, nothing could tear us apart. Only we were not as strong as we thought we were, it was not one persons fault, we were all to blame for what happened. However thats not why I am writing this. I am writing this because last night one of my old friends IM'ed me. To break some news, its wonderful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I cried, when I was first IM'ed out of sheer shock, and from missing them. This person was literally my rock, they had supported me and cried with me and was there through so much. When I thought my world was crashing down, they came within minutes. I never realized how much I missed them until last night, when we were talking and catching up, and not like "hey, how was your weekend" but like I moved out of my parents house, and re-connecting. Because they had become a virtually a stranger which is heart breaking. Someone you could talk to hours, was struggling to make conversation with. Then after I told them I was crying, things eased up, I apologized and showed who I was and who I had become. I became releaved to know they felt the same way in a sense. I was even more glad that we are going to get together, that will be nice. I would like to slowly rebuild a friendship, if they want to as well.
Anyways, I just re-read Amanda's entry from last night. And lady, you can always learn from your mistakes and you did, so no worries about that.
I wonder if I went back in time (meaning if there was a way to), and if I could change my mistakes, and do things over differently, not all things, just some, then how would things be today? Would I have done all the things I have, with work and traveling? Would I be with Mike? It is crazy to think of how much things have changed in such a short amount of time. Yes, I am very happy with where I am in life, and I love my friends with all my heart and soul. I am not in a healthy state of mind, where I am not worrying about others, and taking care of myself, without the drama. I am now in a healthy relationship, and did I mention how much I love my new room mates and I love the East Side?! Yep, I am a lefty, who lives in a very progressive area, dorky I know.
Anyways.
It amazes me how I hear things about people I used to know, and now when I try to give advice, I realize I am giving it to the person I knew, this person is not the person who would call me to talk because their boyfriend didn't call back and they felt blown off, or because they didn't want to sleep at their house alone that night, or because their siblings had gone through there stuff. I remember everything we went through, good or bad. I remember all our jokes, and I remember the first time we all drank together, or our road trips. (Ok more like us getting really, really lost.) I remember all the lists we made. I remember all our big plans. Its a shame so much has changed, sometimes I wish we were close, sometimes I wish I could call you, and tell you lets put the past in the past, because we had been friends for far too long to let something get in the way of how close we were. Only I realize how much time has passed, and we all have changed, I hope for the better. We all live our own lives, with our new friends, and new lists, new ideas, new road trips, new jokes, and new memories. I wonder if we ran into each other, do we do the arkward look down and away, say the polite "hello" which is weird? Do we talk of the things that have changed, the victories we have made, and the losses we have had? Where do we go? Do we talk behind each others backs, from what we hear from a mutual friend? When does it all go away? It has been almost two years since we all got close again. Its a shame it came to this. There are things I want to say to all of you, good and bad, maybe I will, because here is not the place, though I am sure you will all find out what I said to the other if I do send it out.
This post is not something for you to misconstrue my words to make you feel better, this is not me being a bitch, or looking for attention, this is though who I am. I work harder than I ever have in my life. I work full time and go to school full time. I pay for my own things, not to say you don't either. This is not me saying look what I have done, and look where I am. I will always believe in all of you, we may have had our differences, whether it political, or with relationships, I still wish you all the best and hope you are happy, truely happy. Never settle, and always go after your dreams, you have nothing to loose, and everything to gain. I am sorry for the mistakes I made and I am sorry for the hurt I caused you. But the way it ended this time for me was much more painful then in high school. Maybe because we had worked so hard on rebuilding our friendships, maybe because of the things were said, or maybe because my parents and the cops had to get involved. We are adults, we were then. And for someone to egg my car is pretty lame, but to shoot out a glass door? I don't want to rehash this, but I want you to know this, Abigail was an infant, she was not even a year, and Ethan was not even three. My sister came over that day, and you scared my nephew so much, we had 6 cops at our house. The sirens, and cops taking my statement and picking up glass after the door shattered scared him, he was afraid to go see his grandparents. So, thats why the cops were called, because my father didn't want to put his family in danger. You can deny you had anything to do with it, but at the timing is perfect, we had just started fighting, the myspace messages and then my car, its really pathetic you went to violence. You weren't in class that day, and it happened in the timeline where you should have been, thats well, interesting to say the least. This is like I said not to rehash or to point fingers, if I somehow find out it was not you, then I will be the first to apologize and never speak of it again. I don't hold grudges, I just think its really sad. Oh and like I said, take what you want and will from this. I know who I am, and I know where I want to go.
This was a very long and drawn out entry, like I said, and I do mean this, good luck and I hope you are happy. Take what you want, and don't think I am being all high and mighty on a pedestal, there were some things I wanted to say. Like I said there is a good chance I will write to each of you, however I am not sure if I am ready, read it, delete it, save it, whatever. Its all your choice, but don't say I never tried.
Always know we may have had our differences, but push comes to shove, I would still do anything for you guys, and if you need me, I would be there. I wouldn't ever throw it back in your face, and I am sure you won't ever take me up on it, but its the truth if you needed me I would be there, my cell is still the same. My email is
elaplante_4554@ric.edu
Use it if you want to talk, or tell me how I messed up, for anything. I don't want to fight, but if you have something to say I don't want you to hold it back either.
If someone told me in high school the people who were my best friends, my support system would no longer be there when my dreams started coming true, I would have laughed in their face, that I tried pot to impress the guy I was dating. I would have said never in my life would I change for some guy. Haha, well I guess I did change, and I guess my "friends" weren't ever really there.
In 06 after graduating high school I went to school, and wasn't very motivated, still lost on what I wanted to do exactly. Then I got a knock on my door, and as cliche as this sounds, it was an oppurtunity, literally knocking. Anyways I have learned a lot ver the past few years.
Working on the Whitehouse campaign opened my eyes to so many great things, and I fell in love. I found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, no not canvass, but lobby. Not for the organizations that kill people, ciggerate companies, or gun associations, but for the environment, or education. Anyways, I made some awesome contacts that would now benefit me and at the time I just thought I was replacing the friends I had lost. Yes, I was the youngest of the group, so they all looked at me like a kid, until I proved myself and then I gained their respect.
Anyways, after that life went back to normal, working at the bakery. And one night after getting yelled at by some dumb lady about not having dough I went home, and told my parents no more, by Christmas I wanted a new job, and this was mid October mind you.So as I was bitching to my parents how much I hated work, there was a knock on our door, and we were all confused, and so my mom answered, to find a canvasser. She said to the guy to hold on, and she got me. I listened to what he had to say, I signed on in support of clean water. He asked for a donation, I was literally broke. Well he offered me a job, and at first I didn't take anything from it, and then one day after a very bad incident that I won't mention out of respect for a party, I went home and told my parents I was done with the bakery, this was right before thanksgiving. So I called clean water the next day, scheduled an interview, went in for an interview, and was shocked, they were all like me. Just a crazy kid figuring out what she wanted to do. Had my first interview that went well, and then scheduled my second interview. And after my second interview I got the job. It was a great success, because I had done it on my own, without anyones help. NOt very Rhode Island. So I have been there for about a year, and with that I have traveled, all over, met the President, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden and other great people. I have made new friends along the way, and fallen in love. Its awesome dating a guy who you worked with, you know he gets the job, and you, and your passion. So had someone told me I would be an activist I would have said maybe, but without your high school friends, I would have said nope, we can tackle anything together.
We all thought we were invincible, nothing could tear us apart. Only we were not as strong as we thought we were, it was not one persons fault, we were all to blame for what happened. However thats not why I am writing this. I am writing this because last night one of my old friends IM'ed me. To break some news, its wonderful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I cried, when I was first IM'ed out of sheer shock, and from missing them. This person was literally my rock, they had supported me and cried with me and was there through so much. When I thought my world was crashing down, they came within minutes. I never realized how much I missed them until last night, when we were talking and catching up, and not like "hey, how was your weekend" but like I moved out of my parents house, and re-connecting. Because they had become a virtually a stranger which is heart breaking. Someone you could talk to hours, was struggling to make conversation with. Then after I told them I was crying, things eased up, I apologized and showed who I was and who I had become. I became releaved to know they felt the same way in a sense. I was even more glad that we are going to get together, that will be nice. I would like to slowly rebuild a friendship, if they want to as well.
Anyways, I just re-read Amanda's entry from last night. And lady, you can always learn from your mistakes and you did, so no worries about that.
I wonder if I went back in time (meaning if there was a way to), and if I could change my mistakes, and do things over differently, not all things, just some, then how would things be today? Would I have done all the things I have, with work and traveling? Would I be with Mike? It is crazy to think of how much things have changed in such a short amount of time. Yes, I am very happy with where I am in life, and I love my friends with all my heart and soul. I am not in a healthy state of mind, where I am not worrying about others, and taking care of myself, without the drama. I am now in a healthy relationship, and did I mention how much I love my new room mates and I love the East Side?! Yep, I am a lefty, who lives in a very progressive area, dorky I know.
Anyways.
It amazes me how I hear things about people I used to know, and now when I try to give advice, I realize I am giving it to the person I knew, this person is not the person who would call me to talk because their boyfriend didn't call back and they felt blown off, or because they didn't want to sleep at their house alone that night, or because their siblings had gone through there stuff. I remember everything we went through, good or bad. I remember all our jokes, and I remember the first time we all drank together, or our road trips. (Ok more like us getting really, really lost.) I remember all the lists we made. I remember all our big plans. Its a shame so much has changed, sometimes I wish we were close, sometimes I wish I could call you, and tell you lets put the past in the past, because we had been friends for far too long to let something get in the way of how close we were. Only I realize how much time has passed, and we all have changed, I hope for the better. We all live our own lives, with our new friends, and new lists, new ideas, new road trips, new jokes, and new memories. I wonder if we ran into each other, do we do the arkward look down and away, say the polite "hello" which is weird? Do we talk of the things that have changed, the victories we have made, and the losses we have had? Where do we go? Do we talk behind each others backs, from what we hear from a mutual friend? When does it all go away? It has been almost two years since we all got close again. Its a shame it came to this. There are things I want to say to all of you, good and bad, maybe I will, because here is not the place, though I am sure you will all find out what I said to the other if I do send it out.
This post is not something for you to misconstrue my words to make you feel better, this is not me being a bitch, or looking for attention, this is though who I am. I work harder than I ever have in my life. I work full time and go to school full time. I pay for my own things, not to say you don't either. This is not me saying look what I have done, and look where I am. I will always believe in all of you, we may have had our differences, whether it political, or with relationships, I still wish you all the best and hope you are happy, truely happy. Never settle, and always go after your dreams, you have nothing to loose, and everything to gain. I am sorry for the mistakes I made and I am sorry for the hurt I caused you. But the way it ended this time for me was much more painful then in high school. Maybe because we had worked so hard on rebuilding our friendships, maybe because of the things were said, or maybe because my parents and the cops had to get involved. We are adults, we were then. And for someone to egg my car is pretty lame, but to shoot out a glass door? I don't want to rehash this, but I want you to know this, Abigail was an infant, she was not even a year, and Ethan was not even three. My sister came over that day, and you scared my nephew so much, we had 6 cops at our house. The sirens, and cops taking my statement and picking up glass after the door shattered scared him, he was afraid to go see his grandparents. So, thats why the cops were called, because my father didn't want to put his family in danger. You can deny you had anything to do with it, but at the timing is perfect, we had just started fighting, the myspace messages and then my car, its really pathetic you went to violence. You weren't in class that day, and it happened in the timeline where you should have been, thats well, interesting to say the least. This is like I said not to rehash or to point fingers, if I somehow find out it was not you, then I will be the first to apologize and never speak of it again. I don't hold grudges, I just think its really sad. Oh and like I said, take what you want and will from this. I know who I am, and I know where I want to go.
This was a very long and drawn out entry, like I said, and I do mean this, good luck and I hope you are happy. Take what you want, and don't think I am being all high and mighty on a pedestal, there were some things I wanted to say. Like I said there is a good chance I will write to each of you, however I am not sure if I am ready, read it, delete it, save it, whatever. Its all your choice, but don't say I never tried.
Always know we may have had our differences, but push comes to shove, I would still do anything for you guys, and if you need me, I would be there. I wouldn't ever throw it back in your face, and I am sure you won't ever take me up on it, but its the truth if you needed me I would be there, my cell is still the same. My email is
elaplante_4554@ric.edu
Use it if you want to talk, or tell me how I messed up, for anything. I don't want to fight, but if you have something to say I don't want you to hold it back either.