(no subject)
I make a decent amount of mistakes.. but I find it to be more of point of pride than of shame.
I used to think that making mistakes made me flawed, and meant I was a bad person. I used to find what people liked about me, then shadowed out every other part. Give them what they want, can't make mistakes and fuck up that way, right? I was a different person with everyone I knew. Which was ok, because nobody I knew hung out together. I kept a very interesting variety of friends, which in retrospect I think I subconsciously selected them because of the odds of them running into eachother and sharing stories of the adventures we had. Not saying that I didn't have fun, or that I was full of lies, because i wasn't. I was me.. just a small portion of me, and every person saw a different version of me. The only one I was lying to, was myself.
Now-a-days, i'm not so much for self-deception. I'm true to me and if people don't like it, then they don't have to be around me. I'm not afraid to make mistakes, because how else will I learn? I don't always do the right thing.. but when I find i'm wrong, i'm not afraid to admit it. I can stand up and say, I'm sorry. I was wrong. Then ask for forgiveness. I am yet to make the same mistake twice. At least that i've noticed. Though when I find myself drifting down the same road, I catch it. I explain what happened and I stop it.
I'm nowhere near perfect. I'm a huge work in progress. I'm glad that I have patient people around me who understand what's going on, and aren't too messed up when I fuck up.
I used to think that making mistakes made me flawed, and meant I was a bad person. I used to find what people liked about me, then shadowed out every other part. Give them what they want, can't make mistakes and fuck up that way, right? I was a different person with everyone I knew. Which was ok, because nobody I knew hung out together. I kept a very interesting variety of friends, which in retrospect I think I subconsciously selected them because of the odds of them running into eachother and sharing stories of the adventures we had. Not saying that I didn't have fun, or that I was full of lies, because i wasn't. I was me.. just a small portion of me, and every person saw a different version of me. The only one I was lying to, was myself.
Now-a-days, i'm not so much for self-deception. I'm true to me and if people don't like it, then they don't have to be around me. I'm not afraid to make mistakes, because how else will I learn? I don't always do the right thing.. but when I find i'm wrong, i'm not afraid to admit it. I can stand up and say, I'm sorry. I was wrong. Then ask for forgiveness. I am yet to make the same mistake twice. At least that i've noticed. Though when I find myself drifting down the same road, I catch it. I explain what happened and I stop it.
I'm nowhere near perfect. I'm a huge work in progress. I'm glad that I have patient people around me who understand what's going on, and aren't too messed up when I fuck up.