Your Ex-Lover is Dead: Engine Hearts (2)
Kaya’s the first one in the pool. Jack follows. Splashes Kat; gets her leopard print blouse wet.
“Oi! Fuck you!” She dodges another wave of water directed at her.
“Come off it, princess. You know as well as I do that we all want to see you naked.” Jack winks, as a shoe spirals his way.
Kat’s too drunk to protest, “If you insist,” so off comes her blouse; as well as her skirt; hat; and other shoe. Takes a leap of faith, plugs her nose. The cold water envelops her. Mermaids come to mind. A pair of legs wrap around her torso. She sinks a little. Pops back up.
“Hi.” Spits the remaining water in her mouth out. Smiles.
“You’d be a good Frodo.” Kaya releases Kat from her legs. Smiles back. Swims away.
Kat doesn’t know what to think. Acts a little stupefied. Notices Lily smoking a fag on a chair. Gets out of the pool, pushes a reluctant Lily in. The fag sizzles in the pool. Watches as Meg chats up Ollie; Luke jumps into the pool with Klariza; Merv and Lisa dance to a non-existent song. Feels like, all warm and gooey inside. Relates it back to something along the lines of a stereotypical love.
--
She decides that longing looks will be the death of her. Lily’s eyes are too bright. Feels as if her eyes have gotten sunburned.
But she looks anyway. Heart jumps anyway, stomach drops anyway. And then Lily scowls, and Kat can’t help but think that Lily looks like a smurf-only not blue. Bites the inside of her cheeks to silence her laughter. Musters a small whimper.
Simon calls cut, make up rushes to her, applying cover up to the massive circles under her eyes.
“Ok last time you lot. Lily, try not to look so…” Simon gestures with his hands.
“Smurf-like?” Kat blurts out.
“Well, yeah.” Simon looks to Kat, smiles, and plots himself back on a chair.
Kat can’t stop laughing. Hears Lily shout “Bitch”, but can’t retort, because she’s now doubled over laughing. She's not sure why it’s so funny. Apologizes to Kirstie for the running eyeliner. Kirstie pouts and then grabs Kat’s head, forcefully redrawing the line across Kat’s eye.
The laughter stops when Lily gets a text, and looks like she’s going to cry. Kat wants to comfort her, or cry with her, but doesn’t for fear of Kirstie.
The take is done. Lily rushes off. Kat finds herself in her dressing room alone.
--
“Fancy a smoke?”
She doesn’t hear, due to attempts at getting Derek to stop sending nude pictures of his new found “buff” boyfriend. Doesn’t know why she keeps his number. Feels a tap on her shoulder. Stomach plunges again. Stares right into mysterious blue eyes.
“Fancy a smoke?” Kaya smiles. Looks over at Kat’s phone. “Oh, god, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Mental note to self: End all relations with Derek until, like, this is over Kat thinks.
“I’m not-like-no! Oh god, no.” It all comes out a little too fast.
Kaya’s smile turns into a smirk, “Whatever floats your boat.”
“No, it’s-“ Kat gives up. Knows that she’ll just dig a bigger hole for herself. Tries changing the subject, “Didn’t, like, know you smoked?”
“There are many things you don’t know about me. I guarantee that.” A laugh comes trailing behind the statement. Sounds a bit maniacal.
“Yeah? Like, I already know that you’re like, erm, Lord of the Rings obsessed. What other secrets could be more embarrassing than that?” Sounds a little more mean then she would have liked. Derek sends her another picture. Throws her phone onto the couch as quickly as possible.
“Come with me outside, and I’ll tell you all my embarrassing secrets. I promise.” Kaya grabs her arm. Tugs.
Kat’s arm hair suddenly stands straight up. Develops goose bumps. Thinks this isn’t normal, but allows Kaya to pull her up.
They are almost outside, but Kat spots Lily, huddled in the corner.
“I’ll meet you out there, yeah?” Says as she walks over to the blonde. Feels Kaya stare for a few seconds, and saunter out.
--
Just hugs her. Doesn’t know what else to do. So she hugs her. Lily’s sniffling makes it seem like there is an earthquake. Kat holds on tighter. Kisses the top of her head. Feels ridiculous doing it, but it makes Lily relax more into the hug.
They hug for 5 minutes, but to Kat it feels like an eternity.
“Thanks.” Lily whispers. Rubs the tears from her cheeks. Looks at the ground.
Kat closes her eyes. Knows she’ll start crying if she sees Lily’s face.
“Anytime, Loveless. That’s like, what friends are for.” Squeezes Lily once more and gets up. Walks outside. Kaya’s nowhere to be found.
--
She finds out that Lily is the girl she kisses. Panics more than she should. Decides not to tell Lily. Tells Meg instead. Meg laughs. Kat kicks her.
--
First day off in 3 weeks. Meg, her twat of a twin, wakes her up with a rough shake.
“Up you go, you silly fucking cow.”
Kat flips her off. Turns over in her bed.
“Alright. Fine. I’ll let Lily wake you up then.”
“What?” She hears the door close behind Meg.
“Mornin.’”
“Jesus Christ!” Jumps out of bed, realizes that her shirt is not on. Grabs the duvet to cover her small torso.
Lily laughs. “I’ll turn around.”
“Thanks,” Debates whether a bra is necessary. Puts on her red lace one. Grabs her Prodigy t-shirt. “Ok.” Sits on the bed. “Wasn’t expecting to see you so early, Loveless.”
“Don’t lie Kitty. You’ve dreamed about this moment. Me, here, your bed, early in the morning.” The bed shifts a little, as Lily sits down.
“You caught me. I have a big fat lezzie crush on you, ever since the day we met.”
They both laugh. Awkwardly. Both know that there is some truth to that.
“God, Mountview. Such a weird fucking place. Do you remember Jonathan?” Lily snorts, waits for Kat to catch on, “Long hair. Wore the same shirt everyday. Couldn’t act for shit? Kind of like you?”
Jabs Lily in the side. “Fuck off.”
“I’m only joking! I’m being unfair-he was a little better than you.”
Jabs Lily harder in the side, “Yeah, well, at least I had some balls. You know, as in like actually speaking to people?”
“I can’t believe you just said that. I was shy!”
“Really? Well you sure as hell weren’t shy when you-“
“Fancy some breakfast?” Lily almost shouts it.
Kat knows there is a huge foot sticking out of her mouth. Gags on it. Looks at Lily, who is half way out the door. “Yeah. Let me get some pants on.”
“I’ll meet you downstairs?”
Shuts her eyes. Hopes that the past 5 minutes will be erased. Fantasizes that she’s in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. Remembers her crush on Kirsten Dunst.
--
Another note to self: Never bring up awkward past experiences with co-stars.
--
Has a dream about Kaya. Dressed up as Legolas. Lily is Aragorn. Finds them both incredibly tempting. Wakes up really confused.
--
Simon, Jamie, and the producers call Lily and her into a room.
“Now, I know Kat knows, but Lily I’m not sure you do-“ Simon starts.
Kat’s throat tightens. Knows that Lily is staring at her.
“We what?” Lily’s voice gets high, like it always does when she’s upset.
Looks out the window, leading to the hallway. Catches Kaya staring.
Is stuck between two glares. Can’t tell if they want to kill her, or love her.
--
She finds Lily in the bathroom, talking on a phone.
“I have to go, babe. Yes, yes I know. I love you too. Bye.” Watches as Lily shuts her phone. Assumes it’s a sister, or close cousin.
Places her weight against the door, “Lily. Look I’m sorry I didn’t say any-“
“I’ve got a boyfriend, Kat.”
“Oh.” Has a compulsive need to touch her forehead. Makes sure her brain hasn’t fallen out.
“And I’m not, you know…”
“Gay?”
“Yeah. So I agreed but-“
“I know. I was in the room, Lils?”
“But it’s just acting.”
Kat stares at her. Contemplates slapping her. Doesn’t. “What else would it be, Lily? Obviously it’s acting. Or we wouldn’t be here? We’re friends. It should be easier than if we were like, erm, strangers, yeah?” Applauses herself for not letting it sound like she’s going to faint.
Uneasy tension remains.
Kat could have sworn disappointment drifted across Lily’s face, but Lily smiles instead; claps her hands together. “Good. Then I’ll be looking forward to all our kissy scenes, yeah, Kitty?”
Kat throats a laugh. “Yeah of course. No trying any moves on me Loveless. I don’t care how irresistible I am.”
Lily smiles, “I’ll see you out there? I’ve got a phone call to make.” Hastens out the door.
Kat feels like they just broke up.
--
15 year old Kat would have found this ridiculous, but 17 year old Kat has realized that acting young is one of the perks to getting older.
“Never have I ever shagged in a park.” Luke smiles like a dork. Kat finds it adorable. Takes a sneaky swig from her cider.
Kaya catches it, “Kat, spill. You’re the only one who drank.”
“Do I have to?” Knows her face got as red as her hair.
They all shout, “Yes!”
“I was 15. My ex-erm-boyfriend, Lane. We got royally fucked up, and ended up doing it in the park. Sufficient enough for you all?”
“No. But it’ll do.” Kaya grins. Kat calms a little bit. Doesn’t even mind the rush of blood to her heart.
“Oh! Oh! I’ve got one!” Lisa raises her hand, “Wait, I forgot it. Hold on.” Lisa focuses on the ground. “No! I got it again. Ok, ok. Never have I ever snogged a girl.”
Holds her breath. Waits for the boys to drink. Turns away and slowly takes a large sip of her drink. Turns back. Sees the rest of the girls take a drink. Even Meg. Lily does too, though a little after every one else. She shoots a look to Kat as she drinks. Kat almost drops her cider.
Jack leans across the circle, sticks his face in hers, “I find it very hard, Kat, to believe that you have never kissed a girl.”
Kat doesn’t know how to respond. Chuckles instead, and takes another drink from her cider. “Never said I haven’t, Jack.”
“Yeah. But you didn’t drink.”
“Oh for Christ sakes, Kat’s probably kissed more girls than you ever will Jack.” Meg sighs.
“Thought so, Princess. Being that you’re playing the lezzie on the show.” He gives her a peck on the cheek. “I love lesbians.”
“Well it’s a shame that I’m not a lesbian then. Sorry to disappoint.” Pats Jack’s head.
“You aren’t?” Kaya and Lily say in unison.
“No. I’m not.” Cell phone rings. Changed the ring tone to What Else Is There? How ironic. “I’ve got to get this.” Stands up and leaves.
“Grace? Hi. Hon, you’ve got to slow down. He what? Yeah, totally. I’ll be there as soon as I can. No, we’re in London. Yeah, like at Kaya’s house. I’ll see you soon. Bye.”
Rushes out the door. Forgets her coat.