My LIFE has become the BOOKS i've read....
I NEED YOU GUYS MORE THAN EVER RIGHT NOW....
what now???
i have never felt so shitty and....well, helpless...
i miss him already....what the fuck am i supposed to do if my fears are comfirmed?
i was just with him on Friday night at Neshaminy....madd people FINALLY met him(or saw him)...i had so0o0o0 much fun...he got tired of meeting people lol....i love just being around him....his presence changes me....just knowing that i'm breathing the same air he is brightens me up completely...
if i would have known what was gonna happen...i would have said yes to a movie....i would have made him stay at the mall....driven back to his cousins....maybe...i wouldnt even have gone out with him at all....i would have gone out with Ife...like i planned....then all this shit wouldnt have happened....
and the scary part is....HE suggested going down South St....its like...he sealed his fate....but then again...he ASKED me...i should have said no....
do i blame myself?....no....but GAWD i wish i had done something different....begged him to stay with me....used MY common sense since i kno he is known to forget his when he's angry.....
now...i'm worried....terrified....and all i can do is pray...for him...for his fam....for me....i care about him so0o0o much it drives me nuts....so much it makes ME cry....this shouldnt happen to him....NOT HIM
i cant believe that friday might have been the last time i'd see him....for a LONG time....i am so0o0oo0o f*cked up right now....i am angry and depressed...lonely...and yet i still dont think reality has hit me....
i keep waiting for his call....looking at my phone...i want to see him...NOW...just once....just to hold him...play with his hair....nething....one hug...a smile...i need to see him....
it hurts....
what now???
i have never felt so shitty and....well, helpless...
i miss him already....what the fuck am i supposed to do if my fears are comfirmed?
i was just with him on Friday night at Neshaminy....madd people FINALLY met him(or saw him)...i had so0o0o0 much fun...he got tired of meeting people lol....i love just being around him....his presence changes me....just knowing that i'm breathing the same air he is brightens me up completely...
if i would have known what was gonna happen...i would have said yes to a movie....i would have made him stay at the mall....driven back to his cousins....maybe...i wouldnt even have gone out with him at all....i would have gone out with Ife...like i planned....then all this shit wouldnt have happened....
and the scary part is....HE suggested going down South St....its like...he sealed his fate....but then again...he ASKED me...i should have said no....
do i blame myself?....no....but GAWD i wish i had done something different....begged him to stay with me....used MY common sense since i kno he is known to forget his when he's angry.....
now...i'm worried....terrified....and all i can do is pray...for him...for his fam....for me....i care about him so0o0o much it drives me nuts....so much it makes ME cry....this shouldnt happen to him....NOT HIM
i cant believe that friday might have been the last time i'd see him....for a LONG time....i am so0o0oo0o f*cked up right now....i am angry and depressed...lonely...and yet i still dont think reality has hit me....
i keep waiting for his call....looking at my phone...i want to see him...NOW...just once....just to hold him...play with his hair....nething....one hug...a smile...i need to see him....
it hurts....