the end of the path, begining of the road...and the bejesus has been scared outa me
I've always been one of those people that is disappointed with other people's humanity, humanness, or possibly "mortality" and disgusted with my own. I expect myself and those around me to be the impossible, perfect immortal (action wise, not necessarily physical or personality or intellectually), and yet it is the opposite of which that I find endearing and comfortable. I think I expect and demand a Jedi and then realize I'm being too demanding and I'm perfectly satisfied with normal. Normal possibly, though those closest to me have never been ordinary.
I can attribute all of this, and possibly the rest of me to my expectations of the rest of my exaggerated life to play out as any typical movie would.
Typically my entries are deliberate, or fun and this is neither, for which I will express my apologies, mainly because I'm not exactly sure where this is going or has gone.
Next year will be completely different from this one, and then it will all be done, and I am not sad, but I am scared, because I'm not sure I'm good at taking care of myself and I'm not sure my family is good at not being able to take care of me, and I am scared that everything except the important things are being planned, and too much of me is being too hard on myself, and too much of me is allowing myself to slack which could ruin everything. I worry too much these days, except not about the things I should.
Everything and everyone is changing and has changed and I hope I am evolving with it all so people and situations don't grow out of me.
Psh, Who am I kidding...I'm going to live in a van...down by the river.
For graduation, I will buy myself a puppy.
I can attribute all of this, and possibly the rest of me to my expectations of the rest of my exaggerated life to play out as any typical movie would.
Typically my entries are deliberate, or fun and this is neither, for which I will express my apologies, mainly because I'm not exactly sure where this is going or has gone.
Next year will be completely different from this one, and then it will all be done, and I am not sad, but I am scared, because I'm not sure I'm good at taking care of myself and I'm not sure my family is good at not being able to take care of me, and I am scared that everything except the important things are being planned, and too much of me is being too hard on myself, and too much of me is allowing myself to slack which could ruin everything. I worry too much these days, except not about the things I should.
Everything and everyone is changing and has changed and I hope I am evolving with it all so people and situations don't grow out of me.
Psh, Who am I kidding...I'm going to live in a van...down by the river.
For graduation, I will buy myself a puppy.