Masquerade - Ch 7

[theastolat]

Title: Masquerade - Chapter 7
Pairing: Sam/Janet
Rating: adult
Summary: SG-1 make the horrifying discovery that Janet Fraiser has been host to a Goa’uld for the past three years.

This chapter: Sam seeks forgiveness.


Sam followed Nephthys through the palace to a luxurious bedchamber. The heat and aroma struck her like plunging into the sea from some height. The room was not empty. All around the lavishly furnished chamber Sam could see bodies writhing and grinding together.

As many as five bodies rolled languidly across the enormous, extravagant bed. There were others, seated in armchairs, draped across sofas or laid out over rugs and cushions, and Sam watched bodies thrusting and stirring sexual mist into the atmosphere.

Sam stammered as nude men and women perked at the arrival of the Goa’uld, and those not committed to another rose to their feet and converged on their Goddess. Sam’s breath travelled in a thin line in and out of her throat, watching the many hands paw at the woman she knew as Janet, and the way Nephthys purred at the attention.

Entranced by the display before her, Sam didn’t notice the few others creeping up on her from behind until their arms wrapped around her. Sam yelped and tugged away, spinning around into a defensive stance.

Nephthys chuckled. “Now, boys,” Nephthys said. “She’s not for you. In fact, all of you. Finish up. I wish to be left alone.”

The sounds of grunting and moaning elevated. Sam didn’t move until the room was cleared. She didn’t take a breath as the naked bodies filed past her. When the door finally closed she turned to look up at Nephthys. The Goa’uld shrugged coyly.
“Oops. Forgot I told them to carry on without me.”

Sam let all the air rush from her lungs in shock. Her mind raced with thoughts of Nephthys’ participation in such orgies. She couldn’t imagine how Janet felt. To feel her body used. Sam felt sick and shivered with rage.

The Goa’uld eyed her critically with slanted lips. “You disapprove of how I spend my time.”
Sam wanted to tell her that it wasn’t how she spent her time she disapproved of. It was how Janet had no choice but to participate. All she could do was inhale sharply in a tense gasp.

Nephthys noticed the way Sam looked her up and down, the way Sam’s fingers twitched the sides of her protective but hesitant stance. If Nephthys were her own, separate person, Sam was preparing to tackle her away from the woman she loved. But she couldn’t.

Nephthys smiled at her, hips and shoulders in an alluring sway as she slowly approached. “I have been looking forward to meeting you, Samantha Carter.”
Sam stole a quick glance at the bedroom door and then shuddered realizing Nephthys had seen her do so. She hated that the Goa’uld would know how scared she was, that she would know, specifically, what frightened her.

But she wouldn’t be so brazen as to violate the Asgard treaty in such a way. Unless she had some sort of escape plan, and intended to take Sam with her.

Nephthys mercifully kept her distance and said, “My host loves you. With every ounce of her heart.”
There was something in Nephthys’ voice that suddenly set her at ease. The textured tones came from somewhere personal.

“You would know, having once been blended with a Tok’ra, how completely the memories and emotions of the host and symbiote assimilate between two consciousness. My Goa’uld contemporaries prefer to block out the mind of their host near completely. It becomes no more than faint and distant impression at the outer edges of the mind. Like having a feeling that you left the iron on.”

Nephthys’ grasp of Tau’ri analogy was accurate enough to make Sam smile briefly, if only out of nervous tension.

“This host interested me. Her life. What she had been through. Ba’al couldn’t have known the varied parallels between my life and hers. I felt an instant affinity and respect for her.”

Sam tried to think of what Nephthys meant by parallels between her life and Janet’s. But the way Nephthys spoke gave her an urgent sense of hope that she would permit her time to speak to Janet. She could think of nothing else.

“You couldn’t have known at the time but you have already done something for me for which I am most grateful and take the deepest satisfaction. You killed Setesh.” Nephthys’ voice had quivered a little, but she seemed unconcerned that she had shown Sam vulnerability. “I’m not sure what you were willing to offer me, and as much as I would have liked to kill the bastard myself, for that alone I am going let you speak to Janet Fraiser.”

Sam felt her heart thunder to life. “For how long?” she asked shifting anxiously on the balls of her feet.
Nephthys quirked her head. “A minute. Maybe more. Maybe less.”
Sam tensed her jaw to mute her fury, and tears stung in her eyes.
“I suggest you make the most of it,” Nephthys said.

Sam had never more carefully watched for anything in her life. Nephthys lowered her gaze in the same way the Tok’ra relinquished dominance over their hosts, and a second later, the woman shivered, as though caressed by a gust of cold wind. Sam watched her tentatively move her arms, her hands. Her lips parted in shock then her eyes met Sam’s.

“...Janet?” Sam’s heart sledged against her ribs.
“Sam,” Janet whispered, as though it were the first time she had ever tried to use her voice. She reached for her and tried to take a step. Sam saw her body begin to crumple and was there quickly to catch her.

Janet held on blindly. “Sam?”
Sam carefully hooked her arms under Janet’s shoulders. She waited patiently for her to adapt to needing to support herself. “I’m here. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
Janet clamoured for more hold, feet slipping on the floor. Sam dipped her knees to get more purchase on her small, trembling body and lifted her up again, hugging her firmly.

Gradually Sam felt a sureness in Janet’s posture and she let the woman ease from her embrace. It was Sam who fell apart when Janet’s eyes met hers again.
“Janet. I’m...I’m so sorry!”

Janet simply took Sam’s face in her hands, feeling into her hair as though she would never get the chance again, and Sam closed her eyes, sobbing, tilting into her touch.

Janet smiled, overwhelmed at the woman before her, that she could see her and touch her. Running fingers through soft, shaggy locks, caressing warm cheeks, she never imagined anything could feel so good.

“It’s not your fault. There’s no one to blame. Okay?” She swept her hands firmly around Sam’s face, brushing her hair and curling her fingers around her ears as Sam caught her hands in hers, holding them there. “Please tell Daniel it was not his fault. Tell him to stop blaming himself. Promise me. Sam?”
Sam’s breath quivered on her trembling lip. “I promise.”

Janet suddenly gasped through a broad smile. “I thought I’d never see you again. I thought I’d never hold you again.” She tenderly explored Sam’s features. “You’re so beautiful.”

Sam just brushed her fingers against Janet’s wrists. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too. Always. No matter what.”
Sam shook her head, creasing her brow hopelessly. “I don’t know how to help you. I don’t...”

“Shhh. It’s okay. It’s alright.” Janet traced her fingers under Sam’s eyes, catching every silvery tear. “You do what you have to do, okay? I don’t want you putting yourself or Earth at risk just for me.”
Sam sobbed. She wouldn’t leave her again. She couldn’t hear Janet tell her to leave her.
“Janet...”

“How’s Cassie?”
Sam blinked and stuttered. “Sh-She’s fine, she’s...she’s at College.”
Pride bloomed on Janet’s face, and a tear fell beautifully from her eye. “I wish I could have been there for her first day.”

Sam whined mournfully and reached out her hands. Sam could hear the breath flush from Janet’s lungs at the touch of familiar fingers to her cheeks. The woman whimpered and Sam weaved all her love into every caress. Janet nudged her head into Sam’s hands, wanting to feel more.

Sam set resolve into her voice. “I’m going to get you back. I promise you. I’m going to...”
Janet suddenly perched herself up on her toes and pressed her lips to Sam’s. Momentarily stunned, Sam whimpered and wound her arms around Janet’s back, pulling her in tight.

It was real. She was holding Janet. She was kissing her. Janet’s hands were in her hair, and her lips were soft and feverish, urgent. She wanted more and Sam surrendered herself, unafraid that she would wake up and discover it was only a dream.

She had never dreamt like this. Those few heartbreaking nights Janet had come to her, Sam always knew, always felt swirling inside her that it wasn’t really her, it wasn’t really happening.

But now, there was no doubt Janet was taking her breath away. No doubt of the strength failing in Sam’s knees or the festival in her heart.

Janet broke the kiss gently and Sam licked and savoured her taste off her own lips. Janet released a sigh and smiled, eyes twinkling as she picked at a stray lock of Sam’s hair. “Didn’t know how much time we’d have, so...”

Sam cupped her face and arched forward, feeling Janet hum with pleasure. But she suddenly ached. This would end. Their time was running out and she couldn’t know how long she had left. Sam sobbed against Janet’s lips.

“Shhh. Sam. It’s okay.”
“I don’t want you to go. I can’t...” With a trembling hand Sam brushed shimmering auburn locks behind her lover’s ear. “I can’t let you go, I can’t.” Her strained voice drifted higher in helplessness.
“Shhh....honey. You know where I am. Okay?” Janet held the back of her neck and rubbed her jaw with her thumb. “You found me. And you’ll find me again. I know that.”

There was an unsteady quiver in her words despite her firm assertion, but Sam knew it had nothing to do with the strength of her belief. Janet was scared. Sam could feel it in the beating of her heart, see it in the gleaming of her eyes.

Hot tears glistened on Sam’s cheeks. “I will. I promise you. I love you. I love you so much.”
Janet breathed in, and her lips parted on the verge of returning her declaration, but she froze. The smug smirk her lips formed instead drew a growl of anguish from Sam as she pulled away.

“You can tell the rest of SG-1 that I am still willing to hold negotiations for trade,” Nephthys said, readjusting her attire and grooming her hair. Sam fumed, biting down screams, and aggressively nudged the cuff of her sleeve across her tears.

“I’ll have my Priests come for you when I am ready.”

Three anxious faces turned up at Sam as she entered the room. The door closed behind her but she couldn’t move until she focussed on the shining tiled floor. Her eyes still stung, her step was still unsure, and she couldn’t stop seeing the look in Janet’s eyes the moment before Nephthys took her over again.

She’d never seen anything more horrifying. When a Tok’ra assumed dominance over their host, the host’s eyes closed and their heads bowed. It was the same when the Tok’ra relinquished control. Sam had never thought much about it, perhaps taking the behaviour for granted.

There had been a few instances Sam had seen the Goa’uld lose power of their host. But she had never seen it happen up close. She had never seen them reclaim their host while she was still gazing into their eyes.

There was an instance Janet had sensed what was about to happen, but too late to do anything about it, too late to even say goodbye. Sam had seen stark terror in her lover’s eyes. She had literally seen the woman torn out of them, sucked away into darkness, like a body ejected from an airlock into space.

Before she realized it Sam was standing in front of her friends, and Cam was putting his hand gently on her shoulder.
“Hey. Sam. You alright? Did she...do something to you?” He and Teal’c peered her over in concern but she lifted her hand.

“I’m fine.” She had to look each of them firmly in the eye before they conceded, and Teal’c took a little longer to convince.
“What happened?” Vala asked.
“She let me talk to Janet,” Sam breathed out briskly.

Vala dipped her head to the side and back. “Huh. Well, I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Nephthys only let me speak to her because I killed Setesh.”
“Oh. That’d do it.”

Sam scanned the room. “Where’s Daniel?”
“He went to his room. Haven’t seen nor heard a peep from him since,” Vala told her.
Sam excused herself from the trio and navigated the corridors to the room Daniel had selected. She knocked first but received no answer when she called his name.

Announcing her intent to come in, Sam nudged open the door and found Daniel huddled on the bed, facing the wall.

Sam pulled the string of the strange lamp bolted to the wall, and a pleasant warm glow lit the room. She drew the door closed behind her as she stood on the threshold.
“Daniel.”

His form was still and silent on the bed.
“Daniel, I...I spoke to Janet.” She bit her lip shamefully when the man continued to ignore her. “Daniel, please, are you awake?”
“How can you be sure it was her?” Daniel words slurred with misery.
Sam sighed as the tension released around her chest.

She sat down on the edge of his bed in the space left by the hook of his legs and gathered her fingers together on her lap. “I was never more sure of anything in my life. It was her.”

Daniel squinted at the wall. It was all she had to say. He was privileged to know exactly what she meant, and the extent of how Sam was feeling.

When he had found Sha’re on Abydos, alive and unpossessed and with child, it was more than he could stand. To see her, to speak with her and hold her, to feel her touching him and, what flawed him most, to feel her loving him, there were words he would never be able to find to describe those moments.

To see her taken again. He felt his soul sinking and burning. It was a pain he couldn’t escape. All the fight he’d spent searching for her, all the hope he’d kept alive for her, he had made that contemptuously human mistake of laying down his burdens, just for a day, just for that one blissful day his wife had returned to him.

The trouble was that such burdens were not picked up off the ground. They formed on the back, on the shoulders, and grew on the heart and the soul as he searched for her. They were far too heavy to lift up again. He had to begin his search for her without any fight, without any hope.

He was only lucky he had friends like Jack and Teal’c. Friends like Sam. Sam, who patiently nurtured hope into his heart again, cultivating it, nursing it. Without Sam, he’d never have had the hope to fight on.

“I know...I’ve been cold towards you,” Sam said, her voice raw. “I always insisted that I didn’t blame you for what happened. But I know you could tell that I did.”

His heart clenched and his eyes shut.

“I wasn’t there, Daniel. Airmen Bosworth told me that he was the one providing cover. He told me the Jaffa came out of the tree line too fast. They spotted you immediately. Bosworth said that even as he pulled the trigger, one of them got off a shot before he could neutralize him. One shot. That’s all it took.”

He never imagined what it would feel like, how the wounds inside him would feel slowly mending. His heart quivered.

“Later on Wells came to me. He told me he was the one who asked you to get a message to his wife. He didn’t know you had a camera with you. But he told me...at the time...he had been so grateful. To be able to tell her himself. He said he was lying there thinking he was going to die, to never have the chance to tell her he loved her ever again. And you were giving him that chance. It meant everything to him.”

Daniel had tried to hold on to remnants of his relationship with Sam. He held onto it like a tattered silk scarf, a tragic piece of something once splendid and exuberant and beautiful and cherished.

But it had fallen apart in his hands, blowing away as dust on the wind.

“If...If Janet weren’t so darn good at her job...it might have been the only chance he had.”

Daniel wondered if he’d ever remembered what it was like to be so close with Sam. He wondered if something so incredible and deep and profound could ever be committed to something as frail as memory. Because he had certainly never remembered it feeling anything like this.

“Daniel. I blamed you for what happened because I couldn’t blame myself. I wasn’t there. And that...that was killing me...it was killing me every day.”

Daniel took in a breath as silently and as steadily as he could and bit down hard on the sobs shuddering in his throat.

“Blaming you made it hurt less. It distracted me. Because when you weren’t around, and all I had was myself and the pain? Every breath...hurt. You didn’t deserve that from me Daniel. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. You’ve been suffering just as much as I have and I...I’m the biggest jerk in the universe for treating you like that for all this time.”

These were things he knew, and had known for a long time. He had accepted, too, that she might never admit it to him.

“I know it can’t make up for any of it but I want you to know...I’m sorry. You’re one of the most important people in my life, Daniel, and...I feel you were the one I lost three years ago. And that was my own fault.”

He could hear the tears in her voice, feel the gentle shake of the bed as she plucked nervously at her fingers.

“You didn’t abandon Janet, Daniel. I abandoned you. I was the one who let you down.”

After a pause, the next time she spoke her voice broke shamefully.

“And I’m sorry.”

Sam stared across the room where the floor met the wall, counting the seconds of silence. She couldn’t expect anything less than the continued emptiness of Daniel’s response. It was all she deserved.

She held her breath when she felt the bed move under Daniel’s weight. She bobbed on the spring of the mattress as he moved behind her and then carefully swung his feet to the floor. Sam gasped in a little more when he shuffled closer.

His arm reached around her as her reticent gaze dared to see forgiveness in his ever gentle eyes. Feeling his hand brush across her back, she leaned into his exonerating embrace and let him bundle her in both his arms. She nudged her chin against the crook of his neck and heard him softly say, “I forgive you.”