this may never start, we could fall apart and I'd be your memory
I'm in a weird frame/mood at the moment. I guess I am really insecure about us and the fact that you are into me. I said some things whilst I was drunk that I would NEVER say in the harsh light of day and it makes me feel awkward and such. I don't know how much you remember. I guess when I think about it I'm still wondering how you can care about me and be into me and like me so much.
Those girls in the car would have gone with you as well if you went. I can't make you choose between me and a prospective hook up. I guess in the long run I'd be less scared and anxious if I knew that we weren't monogamous. I'd know FOR SURE that you would be getting with other girls and didn't care about me emotionally. In this status, I have to trust you. And its hard. Because of Matt and I just have trouble trusting people. Everything you've done so far is wonderful and completely trustworthy. You are honorable and caring, have integrity. You respect me. And that's a weird concept to get my head around. But it makes me feel posessive when I think of the possibility of those girls. I am trying hard to be the relazed, calm, cool girlfriend and I guess besides my insecure questions to your friends whilst smashed I do okay.
I just can't believe that you want ME.
I'm sorry for telling you that I'm falling in love with you. That would be a lot of pressure and I'm hoping that you've completely forgot and we can evade mentioning it tonight.
I know you find other girls attractive and I can't believe I'm writing this. My god I'm ridiculous and stupid right now, but please just bear with me. I would've been heartbroken if you went with those girls, I probably would have shouldered you off at uni and just hid inside myself. But you didn't. Instead you stayed with me, listening to me throw up, holding my hair back and telling me things that I've been dying to hear for so long.
It's okay that you told Steph you loved her. I told Matt. And I honestly did. I don't want our relationship to be a focal point of stress, or somethign that requires effort to hold together. It should be a release, a safe haven.
I guess that I can say (safely?) that you are into me, what with meeting my dad. I never expected you to ask and do that. You are too good to be true. This relationship is too good to be true. I am so happy that I met you. That you called me over to sit down. That I was brave enough to take that step. I haven't regretted a moment of it. I hope you haven't either.
Me (drunkenly. this is what I can remember): I feel like with you I'm taking this big gigantic leap off of a cliff. And the whole giving myself to you is a part of that. And I don't care if I hit the bottom.
You: Works both ways babe.
I LOVE HOW YOU CALL ME BABE.
Writing this makes me feel more secure in us. Even though I always expected you to simply want the physical. You have given me so much more than that. A relationship which I do not deserve at all. I know that I'm not that pretty. I looked kind of hot last night. My ass is fairly accentuated in that dress... I hope that you liked it. I can't remember whether you told me that you were fallinginlove with me. I don't think I want to know. If you ever do say it I want you to mean it. I know that you will, but still I have to put that emphasis out on the table.
Matt's fucked me up in so many ways.
To the girls in Duck and Seal's car,
You seemed nice in the brief time that I met you. You were all very pretty, with nice outfits, lovely blonde hair and small asses. Congratulations. From the sober point of view though, I have to wonder what made you decide to go so far with two random guys. They are nice by all means but IDK it just seems weird to take that extreme and fuck them all night long out in crazy town (Morriset). Thank you for not hitting on my boyfriend. I'm in this weird posessive mood and I probably would have been upset and punched one of you. Good on you for being brave enough to have a one night stand. From the sheltered perspective, I hope that it was what you wanted.
from the girl sitting in that guy's lap in the back seat.