Dear Alenko: you suck. Regards, Cmd Shepard.
Second play through of Mass Effect, a mini-rant
Language: mild
Spoilers: ME & ME2 in a vague ranty way.
It’s odd, how fast paragon Commander Shepard is wrapped up in a romance. Apparently just being nice to Alenko throws signals. Seriously dude, seriously? How is the reasonable request for, oh I don’t know, knowledge of the man watching your six romance? I can, maybe, see it for T’soni, who had little to no interaction with humans in the past decade or so. Interspecies body language and all that.
But Alenko?
You should know better. She’s your leader, your boss, in a military outfit she’s the person you’re taking orders from and you just jump right in with the ‘oh, I like adventurous women’ shit? And then you think you’re cute with that cryptic tactics lingo? No. Just, no.
Since when does a ‘possible love interest’ become a forced relationship? Apparently Commander Shepard needs to be an ass to get the guy to leave her alone.
It’s so quick, too! How long have you known Shepard? How long, Alenko!? From my understanding you were assigned the SSV Normandy at the same time Shepard took command. It was a shakedown mission! This go-around the Normandy has flown directly from the Citadel to Feros, and you’re all: le sigh, Commander, you’ve stolen my heart. And T’soni’s like: oh, Commander. And Williams’s like: skuttle-but says.
Just you wait until we get to Virmire. I know a sure-fire way to stop-dead the romance Helena has been roped into.
See if I don’t.
…
But you want to know what’s really odd? When I go and search for f!Shepard fanfiction, romance with Alenko doesn’t really bother me. Much.
Oh, I find plenty wrong with many of the fics themselves. New pet peeve? Copying direct dialogue sequences with no new information. Really, at this point it's just plagiarism. Sure, theyv'e thrown in a few third person qualifiers, but if all I wanted was the conversation: I’d bloody go and play it*.
*please ignore the small, insignificant, detail of my current replay status.
And if Alenko and Shepard jump into the romance without any kind of character building, wouldn’t you think it was crappy writing? Or a really bad PWP, considering the porn wasn't there. Just a sad tween ideal of 'luve, trew luve'.
Come on script writers, you’ve just been compared to delusional teenagers posting fanfiction. Bad fanfiction.
Guah!
So, basically I’m:
Replaying Mass Effect.
On veteran.
As a soldier.
Current at level: fifty-five.
Credits: 999999999
OniGel: 999
Weapons at a 10 rating, even the super secret specter ones
Mods with a 10 rating
Armor with a 10 rating
And none of it matters, considering Shepard post ME2’s opening.
I’m missing:
Meep, the space hamster
The Loft, (though Shepard’s apartment via DLC = awesome)
Vera, the M97 Viper Sniper Rifle
Joker + EDI’s ‘you’re so married’ snark
Renegade points, which were awarded, for no apparent reason
The paint job on Shepard’s armor
And being able to place my team where I want them
I’m looking forward to:
ME2’s Reconstruction; seriously.
Language: mild
Spoilers: ME & ME2 in a vague ranty way.
It’s odd, how fast paragon Commander Shepard is wrapped up in a romance. Apparently just being nice to Alenko throws signals. Seriously dude, seriously? How is the reasonable request for, oh I don’t know, knowledge of the man watching your six romance? I can, maybe, see it for T’soni, who had little to no interaction with humans in the past decade or so. Interspecies body language and all that.
But Alenko?
You should know better. She’s your leader, your boss, in a military outfit she’s the person you’re taking orders from and you just jump right in with the ‘oh, I like adventurous women’ shit? And then you think you’re cute with that cryptic tactics lingo? No. Just, no.
Since when does a ‘possible love interest’ become a forced relationship? Apparently Commander Shepard needs to be an ass to get the guy to leave her alone.
It’s so quick, too! How long have you known Shepard? How long, Alenko!? From my understanding you were assigned the SSV Normandy at the same time Shepard took command. It was a shakedown mission! This go-around the Normandy has flown directly from the Citadel to Feros, and you’re all: le sigh, Commander, you’ve stolen my heart. And T’soni’s like: oh, Commander. And Williams’s like: skuttle-but says.
Just you wait until we get to Virmire. I know a sure-fire way to stop-dead the romance Helena has been roped into.
See if I don’t.
…
But you want to know what’s really odd? When I go and search for f!Shepard fanfiction, romance with Alenko doesn’t really bother me. Much.
Oh, I find plenty wrong with many of the fics themselves. New pet peeve? Copying direct dialogue sequences with no new information. Really, at this point it's just plagiarism. Sure, theyv'e thrown in a few third person qualifiers, but if all I wanted was the conversation: I’d bloody go and play it*.
*please ignore the small, insignificant, detail of my current replay status.
And if Alenko and Shepard jump into the romance without any kind of character building, wouldn’t you think it was crappy writing? Or a really bad PWP, considering the porn wasn't there. Just a sad tween ideal of 'luve, trew luve'.
Come on script writers, you’ve just been compared to delusional teenagers posting fanfiction. Bad fanfiction.
Guah!
So, basically I’m:
Replaying Mass Effect.
On veteran.
As a soldier.
Current at level: fifty-five.
Credits: 999999999
OniGel: 999
Weapons at a 10 rating, even the super secret specter ones
Mods with a 10 rating
Armor with a 10 rating
And none of it matters, considering Shepard post ME2’s opening.
I’m missing:
Meep, the space hamster
The Loft, (though Shepard’s apartment via DLC = awesome)
Vera, the M97 Viper Sniper Rifle
Joker + EDI’s ‘you’re so married’ snark
Renegade points, which were awarded, for no apparent reason
The paint job on Shepard’s armor
And being able to place my team where I want them
I’m looking forward to:
ME2’s Reconstruction; seriously.