I seriously need to get this out of my system.
Um hello I'm trying to move on here.
Gaawd.
I spend my days and nights living like a recluse, or at least trying to.
Of course it seems like Fate likes to fuck with my plans.
Mainly because of a certain boy with "amnesia".
Amnesia my ass.
You just think you need a fucking reason to talk to me you fucker.
This sucks!
I don't want to hurt again.
It's like everytime I try to lift myself up again and stop being a sad sack he just delights in kicking me back down.
Please, I want to move on.
Haven't you hurt me enough Ivan?
You have, trust me.
Even just the thought of your name sends me into a depression.
Repeating Everytime by Marley on Glee cause it fits, fuck you.
Last night, it was the dreams.
This morning it was nearly colliding with your face on the way to school.
What's next, you send your cute little sister after me?
Oh wait.
YOU'VE ALREADY DONE THAT.
Now if you talk to me again I just might shut down my Twitter and live on Livejournal for the rest of merry little days.
I know, I know, I'm being dramatic because I was the one who broke up with you. But hey, ever know the word "sacrifice"? Don't say I never loved you, because I did, and fuck you if you used me as a rebound for your beloved first love.
Because first love never fades, right?
Why can't you leave me alone? What is my destiny doing, fucking around?
I don't want to see in my dreams anymore. I don't want to pray for you. I don't want to nearly kiss you in the morning on the way to school.
My dreams were so beautiful. I don't know how they ended up with you.
And maybe I'm so freaked out about it because Ara DV told me that when you see someone in your dreams, they're dreaming of you too.
That's bullshit. Right?
Don't tell me you dream of me when it's so obvious you've moved on.
You were flirting with that airhead Directioner, and posting love quotes for her.
Don't hurt me anymore!
And it's fucked up of me to still know everything about you. It's so stupid of me to fantasize about doing something for you to notice me.
And it's so very fucked up that in my dreams, you were doing something to attract my attention.
And the crazy dumb bitch that I really am, I just giggled and my heart fucking swelled with love for you. Fucking swelled.
Really?
It's been more than a month Ivan. Our third monthsary would've been coming up on the 27th.
And fuck my auntie last night, who wanted to go shopping on December 27.
That was supposed to be a date. For us.
But I'm stupid.
And you don't like being single for too long.
Fuck it's almost been two months since I broke up with you. Mainly because your auntie hates my guts.
But I hold no hard feelings for her.
I mean she has a point, hating the corrupter of your innocence.
And a family enemy to boot!
Plus, I will never leave home late in the mornings.
I have to avoid you and your father in a motorbike deadset on hitting me.
I'm getting fucked up here.
If you were still with me, what would be happening?
Would I be happy?
But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me.
Why am I doing this?
Why am I giving myself a hard time?
I wish I could just turn everything off.
All the emotions, off, with a flick of a button.
I could stop carinig, stop loving you with one push.
I can.
But I don't.
Because no matter how much it hurts, I can't stop loving you.
Oh, I'm such a stupid fucker!
I'm even using the headphones you gave me cause they rock.
And they remind me of you.
I can almost hear you saying, "This song is nice. Listen to it!"
I miss someone who I thought cared for me.
Then it turns out you only dated me because you thought I was pretty, I was the only girl there for your break-up, and that you still loved my cousin.
I mean, my family laughs at me now.
They shun me.
Because of you.
And I don't even have the comfort of your love because you NEVER loved me.
God, drama mode on.
I made a fool out of myself for you, and I get nothing.
Not a medal.
Not a pat on the back.
It's a shove down to eternal damnation.
So I'll just seek refuge in sad songs and beating the 10th graders in a bloody debate tomorrow.