Me and my brain are not totally BFFs right now
This week has been really strange for me. The weather has been abnormally nice which has put me in a really good mood (so I'm not complaining). The thing is, apparently it is also making me bad at using my brain. I've been really bad at remembering things - more than usual, even - and I have absolutely NO desire to do anything productive like school work or cleaning or anything. Usually that happens when the weather's bad and I feel depressed and I have absolutely no motivation for anything. But now the weather is excellent and I am in a great mood - even though I feel like crap...I don't know how that works - and I have absolutely no motivation for anything.
But I also have just been doing stupid things lately. Today, for example, I went downstairs to have some breakfast before my shift at the Info Desk, but when I got there I didn't feel like eating (WTF? ME?) so I had some juice and decided to leave the house early and walk downtown instead of catching the bus here and transferring downtown. Because I left so early, though, I got there about ten minutes before my bus was going to be leaving. And I didn't have to be on campus for another forty minutes. It takes about forty minutes to walk between my house and campus, but I was already 10 minutes closer by being downtown at this point. And I felt like staying still would make me fidget until legs fell off. I guess anxiety was playing a part in this, though I'm not sure why. So I actually decided to walk. On the sunny side of the street. Uphill. I am a fat, lazy person. I should not be walking uphill in the sun. It just looks wrong. The bus even passed me on my way and I could have gotten on then, shaved twenty minutes off my time, but at that point I was too stubborn and decided I had to keep walking on principle. What the sheesh? I mean, it's not THAT bad, but it was a struggle to get out of bed this morning because I was so tired, so why the heck did I think that this would be a good idea? I don't know what's happening in my brain sometimes.
My shift at the Info Desk today was particularly annoying, as we were really busy, low on change, and the debit machine was acting up it kept getting stuck and printing things strangely and I kept accidentally ripping tickets and it was just...not fun. But it kind of was. Because I like volunteering there. Even when it gets frustrating, I still like it. At least I can be semi-useful at one thing as opposed to just being completely useless at EVERYTHING ELSE OMG WHY AM I SO FAIL AT LIFE SHEESH.
And even though I feel like utter crap right now, I am still absurdly happy. It feels really strange. Really, I just feel like I want to cry but I can't because I'm too happy. I kind of just want to be punched in the face (but not really). No, what I REALLY want is to just curl up in my PJs and watch movies and do NOTHING and maybe have a nap - but I ALSO want to be outside and go for a walk (even though my feet have blister - how the hell does that happen? I walked this far everyday to high school!). I want to do both at once. I want to go outside in my pyjamas and run around a field for a bit, and then lie down in that field and watch movies and eat really really greasy disgusting food and then run around some more, and only have to talk to people that I like.I feel like I'm full of energy but too tired to do anything.
I feel really impulsive right now. Like I might just go out and buy a hat I don't need or I might just lie down on the floor and have a nap - neither of which is productive right now - and I have no way of knowing which I'm going to do. In fact, I'll probably just end up sitting doing nothing at the computer for a while as I try to figure out what I'm going to do. All I know is I'm certainly not going to be able to focus on anything useful. FAILURE BOAT.
But I also have just been doing stupid things lately. Today, for example, I went downstairs to have some breakfast before my shift at the Info Desk, but when I got there I didn't feel like eating (WTF? ME?) so I had some juice and decided to leave the house early and walk downtown instead of catching the bus here and transferring downtown. Because I left so early, though, I got there about ten minutes before my bus was going to be leaving. And I didn't have to be on campus for another forty minutes. It takes about forty minutes to walk between my house and campus, but I was already 10 minutes closer by being downtown at this point. And I felt like staying still would make me fidget until legs fell off. I guess anxiety was playing a part in this, though I'm not sure why. So I actually decided to walk. On the sunny side of the street. Uphill. I am a fat, lazy person. I should not be walking uphill in the sun. It just looks wrong. The bus even passed me on my way and I could have gotten on then, shaved twenty minutes off my time, but at that point I was too stubborn and decided I had to keep walking on principle. What the sheesh? I mean, it's not THAT bad, but it was a struggle to get out of bed this morning because I was so tired, so why the heck did I think that this would be a good idea? I don't know what's happening in my brain sometimes.
My shift at the Info Desk today was particularly annoying, as we were really busy, low on change, and the debit machine was acting up it kept getting stuck and printing things strangely and I kept accidentally ripping tickets and it was just...not fun. But it kind of was. Because I like volunteering there. Even when it gets frustrating, I still like it. At least I can be semi-useful at one thing as opposed to just being completely useless at EVERYTHING ELSE OMG WHY AM I SO FAIL AT LIFE SHEESH.
And even though I feel like utter crap right now, I am still absurdly happy. It feels really strange. Really, I just feel like I want to cry but I can't because I'm too happy. I kind of just want to be punched in the face (but not really). No, what I REALLY want is to just curl up in my PJs and watch movies and do NOTHING and maybe have a nap - but I ALSO want to be outside and go for a walk (even though my feet have blister - how the hell does that happen? I walked this far everyday to high school!). I want to do both at once. I want to go outside in my pyjamas and run around a field for a bit, and then lie down in that field and watch movies and eat really really greasy disgusting food and then run around some more, and only have to talk to people that I like.I feel like I'm full of energy but too tired to do anything.
I feel really impulsive right now. Like I might just go out and buy a hat I don't need or I might just lie down on the floor and have a nap - neither of which is productive right now - and I have no way of knowing which I'm going to do. In fact, I'll probably just end up sitting doing nothing at the computer for a while as I try to figure out what I'm going to do. All I know is I'm certainly not going to be able to focus on anything useful. FAILURE BOAT.