The Turkeypocalypse was all a hoax
Every year about this time I send out a nonsensical blog post about the coming of some silly li'l thing known as the "Turkeypocalypse." For you newcomers out there, the Turkeypocalypse is basically the large-scale uprising of hundreds of thousands of turkeys, enacting dire vengeance upon mankind for centuries of being consumed during what they feel is a cruel and antiquated tradition.
But no more, I'm here to tell you today that it was all a hoax, a lie, a ruse, a joke, a laugh, a bon mo-
...
okay he's gone..the Turkey that's in my apartment watching me and forcing me to type that sh1t just stepped out for a smoke. Look, lemme tell you something, the Turkeypocalypse is REAL! I stumbled upon evidence of its existence last week when I was going through my New Kids on the Block cassette tape single and discovered a line in which Donnie Wahlberg said "Step by step, ooh baby, watch out 'CAUSE THEM FVCKIN' TURKEYS ARE OUT TO GET YOU."
At first I thought it a joke, mostly because everyone knows the Wahlbergs are known for their hatred of foul. But no, further investigation into the issue has turned up the plot...whatever you do people, on Thanksgiving, for the love of all things good and right, don't...
HE'S COMING BACK!
Don't.Break.The.Wishbone!
But no more, I'm here to tell you today that it was all a hoax, a lie, a ruse, a joke, a laugh, a bon mo-
...
okay he's gone..the Turkey that's in my apartment watching me and forcing me to type that sh1t just stepped out for a smoke. Look, lemme tell you something, the Turkeypocalypse is REAL! I stumbled upon evidence of its existence last week when I was going through my New Kids on the Block cassette tape single and discovered a line in which Donnie Wahlberg said "Step by step, ooh baby, watch out 'CAUSE THEM FVCKIN' TURKEYS ARE OUT TO GET YOU."
At first I thought it a joke, mostly because everyone knows the Wahlbergs are known for their hatred of foul. But no, further investigation into the issue has turned up the plot...whatever you do people, on Thanksgiving, for the love of all things good and right, don't...
HE'S COMING BACK!
Don't.Break.The.Wishbone!