Buttefly Wings New Roswell Fic
This is a work in progress, I started it a few weeks ago, I haven't gotten far, and I'm not really even sure if I will continue it. I've been trying to get past some serious writers block, but I haven't had the best luck, or the best feedback on anything lately. if anyone reads it, I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think of it
Prologue
I really didn't expect this. Dreamed of something similar - But never this. Seven years ago I left the life I knew and was more or less comfortable with and moved almost 2,000 miles away. I signed a record deal, even though they turned me into some bubble gum pop princess. I figured at least it was a start and that I'd be able to wear them down and start recording my own songs. I'd never thought of myself as naive. But now I realize just how naive I was.
Nothing happened the way I planned it. Seven years flew past and I lost myself. I lost my friends. I lost everything I had ever known. I started smoking, and that led to drinking, which of course led to drugs. I tried to resist. For the first few years I stayed away from it all. Told them all no. But they just kept pushing. And I gave in. I was supposed to be some role model for young girls. Thank God they can't see me now. Sprawled out on my living room floor, too tired and fucked up to walk to my bedroom, after having a three-hour screaming match with my now ex-boyfriend.
This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this. I was supposed to move to New York, become the next big sensation, the next Tori Amos, or Beth Gibbons.
I don't remember the last time I spoke to my mom. Or any of my friends. Liz, Isabel, Kyle, I think he's my step-brother now, or even Michael. The man I've loved for as long as I can remember. I wanted away from all of the drama in Roswell. But honestly, I can barely remember any of it. I don't remember why I was unhappy. Michael wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but he was my perfect boyfriend. He was exactly what I needed. My other half. My soulmate. If I believed in that sort of thing. He put up with my crap, I put up with his, and I loved him more than anything else. And then it all just changed. I don't remember how, or why. But it did. And now, I only want it back.
Chapter One
Maria slowly rolled onto her side and then pushed herself up and crawled the short distance to the coffee table. She glanced around quickly, and grabbed the rolled up dollar bill, and then leaned down towards the table. There was a line of white powder in front of her and she felt the tears welling up in her eyes, and then rolling down her cheeks. But still she leaned down and quickly inhaled the powder. Moments later the feeling flowed through her. That euphoria.
Maria threw the dollar angrily and then shoved over the table. “No!” She shrieked and doubled over, wrapping her arms around herself as she cried. Even the euphoria of the cocaine in her system didn't numb the hurt.
Too much had changed, nothing would ever be the same. Maria didn't remember stumbling into the bathroom, with a knife in her hand. She didn't remember drawing the hottest bath that she could. She didn't remember slicing the knife back across her wrists before sinking under the water.
Amy Valenti was in a panic. She had received a phone call in the middle of the night from a police officer in New York, and her heart sunk into her stomach. Maria had tried to kill herself, and clearly had been under the influence of drugs. But she wasn't dead. A neighbor had heard Maria fighting with her boyfriend, and then a short while later, only Maria was screaming, so she had called the police, who broke down her door and found her half dead in the bathtub. She was rushed to the hospital, where she still was.
Amy had booked a red-eyed flight and within a few hours was rushing to Maria's bed side. “How is she?” Amy asked the doctor as she stared at her sleeping daughter.
“We are keeping her sedated right now. She had several narcotics in her system, along with alcohol. She slit her wrists severely but they are stitched and should heal with minor scarring.”
“When can I take her home?”
“I would like to keep her for a few days for observation, and I would like to get into contact with her normal physician in New Mexico. I'll be prescribing some anti-depressants for her, and possibly some sleeping pills, that I would suggest you keep under lock and key. But we will see what happens over the next few days.”
Amy nodded, and covered her mouth, fighting back the urge to cry. Her daughter. Her poor daughter. It had been years since she had seen her. And now she was seeing her in a hospital, a shell of the young woman she had been. “Thank you.” Amy nodded to the doctor and walked into the room and sat in the chair next to the bed. She had seen the tabloids. Seen the pictures of Maria, the claims, drugs, alcohol, partying. But she had hoped that none of it was true.
She reached up and gently grasped one of her hands, and pressed her lips to the back of it. “It's okay, baby. I'm here.”
Hours passed and there had been no change. Amy was beginning to worry, even more than she already had been. But the doctor reassured her that everything was fine. Normal. She would wake up when the sedatives had worn off. But his comfort did little to calm her nerves. So to pass the anxious moments she called her husband back in New Mexico to give him an update.
Amy was exhausted. She was still clutching Maria's hand, while her head was resting against her other hand. Her eyes slid shut for a moment. Exhaustion finally overcoming her she dozed off to sleep. She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep when she woke up feeling disoriented. She looked around and realized the sound that had woken her was Maria. “Maria?” Amy asked softly.
“What...” Maria sobbed and pulled her hands up to cover her face, but paused seeing the bandages and only cried harder. “Mom?”
“It's okay baby, it's okay. I'm here.” Amy leaned down and carefully hugged her daughter. “It's okay, you're okay. You're going to be just fine.” Amy pressed her lips to her daughter's head and held her while she cried. She didn't know what Maria had gone through in the last seven years, and it terrified her. Was she even her daughter anymore?
Amy pulled the car up in front of the house and glanced sideways at her daughter. “We're home.” She said softly, and then glanced up towards the house.
Maria looked at the house and frowned. “This isn't my home.” She pushed open the door and climbed out of the car.
“Here, let me help.” Amy said rushing around to the back of the car to grab Maria's bag.
“Mom!” Maria yelled and yanked the bag out herself. “I'm not broken. I'm not handicapped. I can carry my own bag!”
Amy flinched back and then nodded shortly. “Of course, Maria.”
Maria's shoulders slumped forward. She felt the guilt for snapping at her mom swirling in her belly. She felt uneasy being back in Roswell. Her hands were shaking. She desperately wanted something to help calm her nerves. But those days were over. Maria shook her head and followed her mom up to the door. She watched her push open the door and obediently followed her inside.
“Momma!” A young boy came running into the room and barreled straight into Amy's legs. Maria's mouth fell open as she stared.
“Something you forgot to mention?” She asked. She watched her mother pick up the boy and heft him onto her hip.
“I just couldn't find the right time.” Amy sighed. “This is your little brother, his name is James. He is almost five.”
Maria didn't know how to react. How to respond. So she did the only thing she could think of. She dropped her suitcase and turned and ran. She ran away from the house, down the street. The sound of her mother's voice echoed in her ears, until her heart was pumping so heard she couldn't hear anything else. And then her legs gave out. She stumbled and fell to the ground. Her hands skidded across the pavement, along with her knees. She didn't feel the pain at first. “Damn it.” She cursed and rolled onto her butt and looked at her hands. Covered in dirt and rocks and blood. The knees of her jeans already bloody, one of them torn. Then the tears started again. The fall had strained her arms, and as she looked down she saw the blood seeping through one of the bandages. This had to be the worst day of her life.
With a deep sigh Maria climbed back to her feet and looked around to see where she was. She spotted a corner market and headed straight for it. She needed something. Anything to take the edge off. She walked up to the counter and fished some cash out of her pocket. “Can I get a pack of Luckys?”
“Sure.” The cashier grabbed the pack and set them on the counter.
Maria thrust the money at him and grabbed the pack, and a little pack of matches. She didn't bother waiting for her change, before bolting out the door. Frantically she tore off the thin plastic and shoved one between her lips. She lit it up and inhaled deeply. Instantly she felt better. She was still miserable, but calmer now, she took a minute to collect her thoughts while she smoked her cigarette.
Her mother had another child, and never told her. Maria sighed. Not that she had been around to be told. No, she hadn't had contact with anyone in years. She'd changed her phone number so long ago, no one would have been able to get a hold of her anyways. And now she was back. Were any of her old friends still here? What kind of lives did they have? Did they have kids? Were they married? Did they move away and go to college?
She saw the Crashdown Cafe leering at her in the distance, at the end of the street. It was familiar. She knew it. Maria headed straight for it, lighting up her second cigarette as she walked. She wondered if it had changed too. From the outside it was the same. Maria pushed open the door, and happy, teenage girls were running around in those atrocious teal uniforms, with the bobbing silver antenna on their heads. At least something had stayed the same.
“Hi! Welcome to the Crashdown!” A bouncy red-headed girl sprang over to her. “How many in your party today?” She smiled.
“Actually, I was looking for Liz Parker.”
“Oh!” The girl smiled again, and nodded. “One second!” She bounced away, and disappeared through the swinging door. A moment later she popped back out, Liz was following behind her, her head was down, face buried in some book.
“Hi, can I help-” Liz looked up and her mouth dropped. They just stared at each other. It seemed as though neither knew quite what to say. “Maria.” Liz breathed and flung her arms around her old friend.
Maria hugged her back tightly, her face buried her in shoulder. Something else familiar. She breathed in deeply. Liz even smelled the same. Like flowers and bergamot. She clung to her like a life line. Maria wasn't sure when the tears started rolling down her cheeks, or even when Liz guided her out of the restaurant and up the stairs. They sat on the couch and Maria laid her head in Liz's lap, and closed her eyes enjoying the feel of her friends soothing touch as she combed her fingers through her hair.
“So, how much of it was true?” Liz asked softly.
She sighed. “Most of it, I'm sure.”
“The partying, the drugs?”
“Yeah.” Maria choked on the word. To know that everyone knew was one thing. But to admit to it was something completely different.
“Did you really try to kill yourself?” Liz's fingers stopped, and Maria raised her arm up to show the bandage that wrapped all the way around her forearm.
“I was really... messed up.” She still was messed up. Maria sat up and turned to her friend, sitting sideways on the couch. “I missed you.” A tear rolled down her face and Maria quickly wiped it away. She didn't want to keep crying. But she couldn't help it.
“I missed you too.” Liz told her softly and gently cupped her face. “But it'll be okay now. You're home. We'll get through this.” Maria nodded.
“Okay... tell me some good news, please, tell me you're ga-ga happy in love with Max still, that you're married, and have ten kids.”
Liz looked away quickly for a moment before looking back. “I'm married, but, not to Max.”
“What?” Maria's mouth fell open. “Things never got better?” This was wrong. How could anything be right if Liz hadn't married her soulmate?
“Max died not long after you left. I don't really know everything, but some woman had heard about Max's powers some how, and wanted to use him to save her husband. But, he was old. Max gave up his life trying to save that guy... Isabel was shot. She nearly died.” Liz bowed her head, and Maria watched her wipe away a tear. “But she's okay, she healed. Michael actually did it. We figured it out later. Michael had gotten Max's ability to heal. Isabel moved to Boston with Jesse but she was only gone a few years, and then she came back.”
“If you didn't marry Max... then... who?” Maria didn't know what to say anything else. Michael. Hearing his name made her soul hurt.
“Sean.” Liz shifted her eyes to a picture on the wall.
Maria stood up quickly and walked over to get a closer look. Liz was dressed in a floor length white gown. Sean looked dashing in his black suit. They looked happy. Really happy.
“And as far as the ten kids thing goes... I actually just found out I was pregnant last week, with our first.” Maria turned around quickly.
“I'm so happy for you.” Tears were rolling down her cheeks again.
Liz got up and crossed the short distance and hugged her close. “I'm so sorry.” She whispered. “I'm so sorry we all just let you drift away. We all should have come up there, and dragged you back down here. I wanted you as my Maid of Honor. Your mom wanted you at her wedding. But at first we all just figured you really didn't want to be here anymore. Why Maria? Why the drugs? Was it so horrible here?”
Maria slowly shook her head. “No, I just wanted to be famous. And it was all just there. The alcohol, the drugs. It was there. Everyone else was into it. My life was going down the drain anyways. My music career was already over, they just wanted me to pop out their stupid bubble gum crap songs until I was too old to be considered 'young and hip.' I missed you so much.”
“Hey Parker, where have you been? You were supposed to meet me at-” Sean cut himself off at the realization that his cousin was standing across the room. “M?”
“You still call your wife, Parker?” Maria asked, desperate for something other than tears.
“Oh, M.” Sean walked over and gathered her into his arms. He hugged her tightly, so tightly she was positive he was going to break her ribs. And she didn't care. She squeezed him back just as tight. “My girl is home.” He breathed against her ear. She nodded faintly against his shoulder and sighed.
He pulled back and held her face in his hands, inspecting her. “You look like shit.” He told her, and she just nodded.
“I know.” Maria reached up and rested her hands on top of his. “But, I'm gonna work on that.” Sean pulled her close again and kissed her forehead, and shot his wife a smile. “I hear I'm going to be an aunt, too.” She looked up at him, and saw his grin grow even wider.
“Yeah. Me as a dad, scary, isn't it?”
“Surprisingly, no.” Maria told him. “I'm so happy for you.” But she could only handle so much happiness right now. She let her eyes fall on her pack of cigarettes on the coffee table and Sean frowned at them. “Don't tell my mom. I'm doing the best I can.”
“I won't say a word.” Sean told her gently. “Don't worry. Liz and I are here to help you, too. Anything you need, just ask, alright?” Maria nodded a little, and Sean hugged her once again. “And even if you need a place to stay, to get away from Aunt Amy... we've got Liz's old room.”
Finally Maria had to get out of there, away from the happy couple. They had chatted a little. Told them of some of the stuff going on in town. New things about their friends. Kyle, now dating Laurie. Isabel. But no one mentioned Michael. Maria was partially thankful for that. She couldn't bear to hear about him, but at the same time she was desperate to know how he was. If he was okay. If he was happy.
Half her pack of cigarettes was gone by the time she reached Michael's old apartment. She stared at it. There was no way he still lived there. He wouldn't possibly. He'd probably met some nice girl and fallen in love with her and moved on. Just the thought of him with someone else sent a chill down her spine. Pain spasmed throughout her. She deserved the pain though. She welcomed it right now. She took a deep breath and walked up to the door. It wouldn't be him that answered the door. She knew it.
Maria raised her hand up, and knocked. The second her hand hit the wood she was tempted to turn and run. Because what if he still lived there. She wasn't sure if she was actually ready to see him.
The door popped open a few moments later, and she was greeted with a young, very attractive blond woman. “May I help you?” She asked in a velvety soft voice.
Maria's mouth opened, but no sound came out.
“Baby, whose at the door?” A male voice came from inside.
“I was... looking for Michael Guerin.” Maria forced the words past her lips. The woman just continued to look at her. And then she turned slightly.
“Baby.” She called. Maria felt her blood run cold. This was the woman that he had replaced her with. And she was beautiful. Maria took a step back, ready to run. “Wasn't the guy that lived here before us named Michael?”
“Yeah.” Came the reply, a second later a guy appeared beside the woman. He was tall, had dirty blond hair, and dimples.
“Oh.” Maria breathed out, and tried to calm her heart. “Do you happen to know where...”
“I think he moved over to Alba Park.”
“Where is... I just moved back here.” Maria stuttered out.
“Oh, it's down on Third, just past Columbus.”
“Thanks.” Maria stepped back and stumbled slightly on the step. “Sorry to bother you.” She was sure she looked like a crazy person. Her dirty and torn jeans. Bandaged up wrists. Surely she had a crazed look in her eyes. “Sorry.” She said again and quickly turned and walked away. She yanked the pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket and shoved one between her lips. Her mother was not going to be pleased with her. But it was this or calling up her old dealer and getting him to find someone around Roswell to get her something.
And now she knew where to find him. The general idea anyways. But she didn't know where exactly. But she found herself walking down Columbus Avenue anyways. She just wanted to see where he lived. If he was back in a trailer park, or maybe nice apartments. She spotted the big intricately designed sign and her mouth fell open. There were rows of nice houses. All had expensive cars in the driveways. Kids were outside playing, running up and down the street. Chasing each other, playing basketball, skipping, screaming, laughing.
She felt the bile rising up and reluctantly lost the contents of her stomach into someones neatly trimmed hedge. “Sorry.” She muttered and apology to no one before she hung her head and headed back towards her mom's house.
Maria slowly pushed open the door, an anxious feeling came over her. “Mom?” She called quietly. It was late in the evening now.
“Oh Maria.” Amy darted out of a room and rushed to her. “Are you okay?” She cupped her face, and looked at her. Maria was smart enough to realize she was making sure she wasn't high, or drunk.
“I'm fine. I just... it was too much to deal with. I'm sorry for just running out.” Amy stroked her hair and nodded.
“It's fine, I understand, just please... don't do it again, I was worried sick. Thank goodness Sean called me. Come on, I made dinner.”
“I'm not hungry.” Maria told her.
“You need to eat. You haven't eaten since the plane, and you barely touched it then.” Amy ushered her daughter into the kitchen. The little boy was sitting on the floor, surrounded by pans, with a long wooden spoon in each hand.
“Bomp!” He yelled and started hitting the pans like a madman.
“He has your musical talents.” Amy smiled warmly at him, and pushed Maria towards the table. “Jamie, honey, I think it's time to stop.”
“Don't wanna!” He hollered over his drumming.
“James William Valenti.” The boy froze mid beat. His arm poised in the air, ready to drop onto the metal pan. “Bedtime.” Amy told him.
“Maawwwwm.” He whined, drawing it out. “I wanna stay up!”
“It is way past your bedtime already.”
“But... but... dad's not home!”
Amy put her hands on her hips and stared down at her son, who obediently started putting the pans away.
Maria watched the scene in awe. Her mother had always been a sucker for her. Strict, but if she whined just enough she'd usually get her way. To see her with James, not falling for the little tricks, she couldn't help but smile a little.
“I need my bedtime story!” He exclaimed when the pans were back in the cabinet.
“Scoot off you bed. I'll be there in a few.”
“I want Maria to read to me.” He folded his arms over his chest and stared at Maria.
“What... I...” Maria shook her head slightly. She wasn't prepared for that. This boy didn't know her. How could he possibly want her to read to him. She decided it must be another tactic. To get to stay up later.
“Your sister needs to eat, maybe another night.” James jutted out his lower lip, and Maria saw the tears welling up in his eyes. She had to look away. She felt guilty for saying no.
“Come on, sweetie, off to bed with you.” Amy took his hand and guided him out of the kitchen.
Maria was sobbing by the time her mom walked back into the kitchen. She couldn't help it. She had a brother. She'd missed so much. She'd missed everything. Her friends, her family had wanted her around and she had abandoned them. Her hands were shaking, and she wanted to to run again.
“Maria?” Amy gently touched her back.
“I am going to bed.” She whispered between sobs.
“Please, eat something.”
“I can't.” Maria stood up, and started out of the kitchen, before realizing she didn't know where her room was.
“The third door on the left. Your stuff is all put away.” Maria nodded and all but ran out of the kitchen. She threw open the door and shut it securely behind her and then let her body sink to the floor as she tried to stifle her cries.