The Babysitters Club
Kai/Sehun, crack ~ 4370 words
Of all days, tonight is the worst night for Jongin to be stuck with Sehun.
a/n: Late birthday present for our fake maknae
bollywoodrecord because being fashionably late is cool. I miss you bb I wish school wouldn't drain you as much ;_; Here's to another year of sass ♥ I hope you like this sob sorry I took too long.
He’s in the middle of brainstorming for excuses that make enough sense so that he can escape the house for the night while lying on the hard floor staring at the ceiling when he hears the doorbell. Sehun’s outside hogging the television, and his laptop has been dead for some time so Jongin is stuck in his room not knowing what else to do since he has spent the whole evening sleeping.
They haven’t been speaking to each other since the day before. The cause of their fight, and most of their fights actually, is simple and can even be considered silly, but only prolonged due to their respective prides in which neither wants to admit their fault. Unbeknownst to the fact that the last slice of leftover pizza in the fridge belongs to Sehun, hungry and broke Jongin finished everything. As a revenge, Sehun decided to hide Jongin’s prized possession that is a poster signed by his beloved Han Yeseul. It’s not their first time yet they still never learned, and probably never will.
Jongin leaps to his feet and is about to break into a dash towards the door when he hears it opens, so instead he makes his out of the room as coolly as he can and stands a metre away from Sehun. At the door their neighbour stands biting on her lower lip, anxiety written all over her pale face. Hiding behind her skirt is her son, whose name Jongin can’t really recall.
Sehun blinks at the boy, then at his mother. “Yes?”
In all honesty, Jongin has expected her with a plate of piping hot chicken quiche, her signature dish which she sends over to them quite often among other magic that she produces from her kitchen knowing how hungry they always are. However seeing her without a plate or bowl or anything for that matter in her hands tonight, instead with her child tagging along, he half-expects something else.
“Are you guys free tonight?” Joohyun asks hesitantly.
“Um,” Sehun thinks about it for a while and glances over his shoulder at Jongin and quickly looks away again. “Yeah. Anything we can do for you?”
“Actually, yes,” she nods as she pushes her hair back behind her ears, hopeful eyes staring at the two boys. “There’s this funeral that I need to attend so I need to rush there, but my husband is not around and our usual babysitter is sitting for an exam. And since it’s too last minute I have no one to call for help.”
There’s a frown on Sehun’s face. “So what you’re saying is…”
“I really need you to watch over my son for a while,” she finishes, grabbing her child’s wrist and pulling him forward. “Please?”
Jongin scoffs at the ridiculous favour as he crosses his arm, obviously rejecting it in his head. However Sehun has another idea but speaks before he could open his mouth. “You’ll pay right?”
“Hey, I didn’t agree to do it yet!” Jongin protests.
“Well if you don’t want to do it I’ll just do it on my own. After all I need money.” The former shrugs nonchalantly.
He clenches and unclenches his jaw, slightly irritated at Sehun who made the decision on his own without taking his into consideration. More than that, however, he’s irritated at himself because he remembers his dried out wallet containing only a couple of 1000 won notes and coins. As much as he refuses to agree with Sehun, he’s in need of money as well, therefore he can’t really turn down this offer despite how ridiculous it sounds and how much he can’t stand Sehun right now.
But then again, he thinks as he studies the child who has been pulling Joohyun’s skirt to hide himself for the past minute, how hard can taking care of a child for a night be?
Turns out, Jongin is absolutely wrong.
Barely ten minutes after his mother left, his stress level is already almost reaching the max. For convenience purposes, both Jongin and Sehun agreed to stay at the Lee residence. Not only that they have to bring the toys and milk over, the couple’s house is much safer with safety measures like gates between the living and the kitchen installed so they can avoid unwanted accidents from occurring. However, it is not the same spotless house that Joohyun has left with just ten minutes ago as it is now.
There are toys scattered everywhere he lays his eyes on that the floor can be hardly seen. On the table the spilled milk after the bottle was toppled over when they tried to feed the boy is still not yet wiped and cleaned. Somewhere the sound of tap running is heard, followed by Sehun’s voice screaming at something (or someone, most probably) and a series of banging on the door.
Jongin heaves a deep sigh and questions his fate as he bends down to collect the toy cars. Soon Sehun comes from the direction of the bedroom looking defeated and simply plops down on the sofa.
“Where’s Youngjae?” the former raises a quizzical brow.
“In his room. He locked me out and refused to open the door.” Sehun grabs the remote and switches on the TV. “Can we just let him be and watch TV instead?”
Jongin picks up a stuffed giraffe and throws it at his friend, hitting him right on the face. Irritated, Sehun opens his mouth to yell at him but Jongin’s already throwing another stuffed toy at him. “You’re the one who accepted this job so do it properly.”
Sehun throws the toy back at Jongin and shots a glare. “Fine. You go get him out of his room then,” he challenges.
"Fine," Jongin mumbles back and throws yet another toy at Sehun, this time hitting him on the chest, before he drags his feet to the bedroom leaving the former behind shouting profanities at him.
Truth be told, Jongin takes a lot of pride in being good with kids. His niece enjoys his company and he personally thinks it is not an exaggeration to say that kids naturally like him. At least, he is certain that he is better than Sehun.
He is prepared to use some sugary words to lure Youngjae out of the room, even something to threaten the boy with in case he still refuses to open the door. However when he arrives in front of the room, Jongin finds the door ajar and the room completely dark.
"Youngjae?" he calls out as he takes a peek inside, baffled. He has predicted several situations that he might encounter but this isn't one of them.
When no reply comes, he steps inside and looks around. Before he could anything the door suddenly shuts behind him with a loud slam, causing him to jump in surprise. Jongin reaches out for the switch to turn on the lights but his hands fumble into nothing.
"This is not funny, you know," he tries, wanting to sound unmoved by the child's attempt to prank. The room feels chilly all of a sudden and he feels goosebumps in his skin, but only realizes belatedly that it is just the AC. "Hey, Lee Youngjae!" he yells.
Just then, something grabs his leg. In reflex Jongin squeals and tries to kick it off but the grasp is too tight. "Lee Youngjae!" he shouts again. His leg later is freed from the grasp so he quickly stumbles away. In his struggle to determine the direction towards the door, a bodiless figure appears in front of him.
"Muuuuuuumm!" he screams as he scrambles around the room, trying to get out but at the same time too frightened to reach out for anything in case he touches the wrong thing.
Soon after that, light creeps into the room and it doesn't take Jongin too long to realize that it's from outside. Sehun stands at the doorway with a puzzled face upon seeing his friend who was almost too confident minutes ago now in major distress. "What happened?" he asks.
Feeling of relief rushes over Jongin at the sight of Sehun. He instantly runs over to him and hides behind his back while clutching his arm, completely forgetting the fact that they're not really on a speaking term. "There was a, uh... Um, I saw, well, I think I saw a-"
"Just say it, you jackass!" Sehun hisses in annoyance.
"Ghost!"
"Ghost?"
"Ghost."
Sehun gives him a bewildered look, at the same time judging him as if he just said the most ridiculous thing ever. He did after all, Sehun thinks, say the most ridiculous thing ever. "Dude, it's 21st century. It's the LTE era. You still believe in ghosts?"
"B-but what I saw-"
A sudden fit of giggles that comes out of nowhere interrupts Jongin and causes him to jump again, as his grip on Sehun's arm tightens. "Jongin, I swear to god, fuck off!" The latter tries to wriggle him off in annoyance but to no avail. While he continues to struggle, his eyes then fall on the pair of legs sticking out from underneath the bed so he snorts. "Kim Jongin is scared of a five-year-old kid. Who would have thought?"
"Huh?"
"Hey kiddo, come out here."
At his call, Youngjae leaves his hiding spot and crawls out from under the bed while shocked Jongin gasps and continues to hide behind Sehun until he realizes that the strange creature is only the boy.
Jongin's face flushes tomato red in embarrassment but he tries to maintain his cool in front of the child as he places his hands on his hip and glares at Youngjae who is now laughing triumphantly.
"This hyung is fun," he comments nonchalantly before running off outside, leaving behind Jongin who still hasn't recovered from the shock and Sehun who manages to pat the young boy's head in the process.
Sehun looks at Jongin bemusedly before he, too, leaves the room. "Fun indeed."
Jongin, now more embarrassed than ever, storms out angrily to seek the boy as he begins plotting up something in his head, determined to have his revenge.
The two of them are sitting at the dining table, eating the bolognese that Joohyun has prepared for them beforehand while Youngjae is on the floor in front of TV with his milk bottle in hands, giggling happily at Pororo.
Jongin's eyes are fixed on the boy. He's still calculating a plan to get back at him for the earlier incident that will not risk himself getting killed by Joohyun afterwards. Should he lock the boy out im the cold? No, too risky. Put salt in his milk? Too weak.
Just as he's about to get lost in his thoughts, Youngjae comes to him and hands him the milk bottle, two-third of the content still remaining.
"You still have a lot left," he points out.
Youngjae shakes his head. "Don't want it anymore," he mumbles lazily. "Can I eat snacks now?"
An idea strikes him as Jongin sees this opportunity to get his payback. "You can't eat snacks if you don't finish your milk."
Pouting, the child turns to Sehun instead with his deceiving puppy eyes. "But I'm already full."
"Well then I suppose you're too full to eat snacks as well," Jongin concludes with a satisfied, taking the bottle but not budging from his seat while Sehun simply looks on without saying a word.
Dejected by his failure to bargain, Youngjae struts off with his shoulder dropped low. On the other hand Jongin sneakily throws his fist in the air under the table to celebrate this victory, satisfied with himself.
Youngjae, however, returns less than five minutes later holding the same bottle, this time already emptied.
Surprised, Jongin blinked at the boy who confidently hands him the bottle. "I finished it," says Youngjae. "Can I eat snacks now?"
"Uh, well." Jongin's lost for words and can't come up with a new idea, so he just nods blankly. "Go ahead."
The corners of Youngjae's lips curl and stretch to his eyes as he does a victorious jump before following Jongin who heads to the cabinet where Joohyun keeps the snacks.
"Are you dumb?" Sehun asks when Jongin returns yo his seat. The latter only shots him a quizzical, the-fuck-are-you-talking-about look so Sehun sighs hopelessly at his housemate. "He came from the toilet."
"So?"
"Holding the bottle."
"S-" he's about to repeat his question when Sehun's point finally makes sense to him. His eyes widen and in fury he jumps to his feet. "LEE YOUNGJAE!!!"
The child bursts into a fit of laughter and stumbles to his feet as Jongin breaks into a run to chase after the former. Sehun, meanwhile, only exhales another sigh, shakes his head and mumbles "retards" under his breath.
At barely 9 in the evening, Jongin and Sehun both are sprawled in the bedroom, taking the bed and carpet respectively to take a breather.
Once again Youngjae has managed to lock them out of the room, only this time they are the one inside while the boy is out in the living room. In contrast to his advice to Sehun earlier on, Jongin decides to leave him be, not wanting to fall for another trap.
"Shouldn't we at least plead him to let us out? Isn't it past his bedtime?" Sehun asks.
"Let's just enjoy this peace for now," he replies lazily with his face buried in the sheet, his voice muffled down.
"I thought you said otherwise previously."
He throws the pillow at his friend, but Sehun's learned enough to catch it in time. "Shut up."
Sehun chokes out amused giggles but Jongin's too tired so he groans and just lets it pass.
There is a loud noise from the television which they immediately identify as the voice of Pororo. Jongin's ears perk up hearing the familiar sound while Sehun rolls his eyes and scoffs.
"What are you? Seven?"
"Teen," he mutters, then adds after a pause, "well, three years ago."
"Kim Jongin, teachers' pet, college heartbreaker, soccer nerd, Pororo enthusiast."
Once again Jongin throws a pillow at the younger one who skilfully evades the attack with another fit of giggles. When it dies down and silence settles in (save from the distracting voice of Pororo's), Sehun tosses, tucks a pillow under his head and lays on his back with his hand resting behind his head.
"Your poster's in my wardrobe," Sehun says quietly.
A gasp escapes Jongin's mouth. "You put my precious Han Yeseul in your stinky wardrobe?!"
"Then would you prefer me to throw it out of my window?" With that he shuts up, so Sehun continues. "I wasn't really mad about you eating the pizza, honestly. Well, I was pretty upset, but not to the point of being petty over just a slice. I was just... pissed off at Chanyeol earlier so when I got home I just released my anger at you."
Jongin simply shrugs though it's not very visible lying in the bed. "Well I should've asked too. Or at least leave a note in advance."
"I eat your food all the time so it doesn't matter."
"You do? No wonder everything I buy drains so fast."
"Hey, you eat mine too. Even the vouchers. Remember the discount voucher I had for the BBQ restaurant? You used it to yourself and took your girlfriend instead of me!"
"It was on the fridge so I thought I was free to use it."
"At least invite me along, you jerk."
"Sorry," he mumbles but sounds far from apologetic. "But dude, all this apologizing stuff sounds gay."
"Yeah, I was just thinking of the same thing."
Jongin turns and, lying on his back, sees the glow in the dark stars scattered all over the ceiling. On the walls of the bedroom there are various posters of alphabets and numbers and animal names. At one corner, a collection of toy cars is neatly arranged on the shelf. There are several other toys in sight; action figurines, Legos, even soft toys. The room looks every bit like a normal five years old boy. What brings a smile onto his face, however, is a framed photo of the parents, seemingly dated many years back judging from the clothes and hairstyles.
"So are we going to stay in here until his mother comes back?" Sehun breaks the stillness in the air. "Speaking of which, when is she gonna be back? I thought she said "for a while". How long is "for a while" supposed to be?"
Jongin glowers at the door for a while, considering his options, before reverting his gaze back to the photo. His eyes suddenly light up as an idea strikes his mind.
"Hey, let's call for backup," he says, fishing out his phone from his pocket.
Sehun's brows quirk in curiosity. "What backup?"
As promised, the doorbell rings 15 minutes later.
From inside the bedroom, both Jongin and Sehun can hear Youngjae lowering the volume and running towards the door. Cautiously the child peers at the screen and starts questioning the man who is staring into the surveillance camera with wide eyes like it's a kind of wonder. "Who is it?"
"Kid, I'm your father," the man answers in a disguised voice.
"Liar! My father doesn't look like you!" Youngjae responds.
"Attaboy. I'm not your father. Now will you open the door?"
"Mummy said don't open the door to strangers."
"I'm not a stranger."
"Then who are you?"
"I..." he pauses to think, his face serious and brows furrowed. "I'm Suho ho ho."
"Su-who?"
His tone returns to normal. "Suho."
"I don't know any Suho. Sorry."
Youngjae turns off the monitor and is about to turn and leave for the TV, but Suho quickly presses the doorbell again continuously that the sound echoes all over the house, deafening everyone inside. The boy peers at the screen again, irritated, and yells. "What?"
"Hey kid, didn't your mother teach you manners?"
"Didn't your mother teach you?"
"Hey!" Suho glowers but before he gets to say anything more, he gets cut off once again.
Jongin tosses his phone away in frustration after reading the text message he just received. He clicks his tongue, groans and grumbles to himself, something about having unreliable friends and what did he ever do so wrong to deserve them anyway.
Sehun stares - or gawks, more like - at his housemate. "Plan backfired?" he asks despite already knowing the answer. When Jongin doesn't respond but only continues to roll around the bed as he grumbles even more, he adds. "Who did you call?"
"Suho," Jongin mumbles his reply.
"Suho?" The name doesn't quite ring any bells for him so Sehun thinks really hard to recall a face that comes along with that particular name. His face then suddenly lights up at last after a while when he finally remembers the said person. "Botany Club President Suho? The one who makes those annoying announcements with dubsteps every morning? That Suho?" he gives extra stress on the name as if he's uttering the name of a contagious disease.
"Yes, that Suho."
"But why?"
"I have no fucking idea why I thought it was a good idea." Jongin shrugs.
"Why are you even friends with him?"
"Eh, we're not friends. Not really." He shakes his head. "He just follows me around and pesters me to join his club sometimes."
Sehun huffs and takes a moment to let it sink. Then he turns to Jongin again and throws one of the pillows back at him. "So what are we gonna do now?"
"Come up with something yourself. Am I the only one with brain here? Oh, wait, I forgot I am."
Fuming, he thinks of retorting with a sharp remark to insult his friend in a similar manner but decides against it. "Well then I guess we can just stay here and wait until the kid's mother comes back and risk getting kicked out of here if something happens to him while we're in here, and who knows we might end up in jail? At least we don't have to worry about rents and on top of that we get free meals as well."
"Are you having your menses or something? Why are you being such a pussy?"
"Nah, I just don't have a fucking brain."
Jongin rolls his eyes. "I guess they replaced your brain with a vagina."
"Yeah I- wait did you say vagina? Dude that's going overboa-"
The door suddenly opens as Sehun about to grab Jongin's collar, and there stands Youngjae, frowning. "Hyung, what's a vagina?"
Silence fills the room and Jongin can almost hear the cawing sound of crows. "We're so dead."
"So what we're saying is, that word doesn't exist."
"But you clearly said it earlier!"
Jongin inhales deeply as he casts his gaze elsewhere. At the same time his brain is working extra hard to churn out every possible logical reasoning there is in order to get the young child sitting in the chair opposite his to forget about this whole topic completely, especially now that his mother hasn't arrived home.
For safety precautions, he has instructed Sehun to send a text to Joohyun asking what time can they expect her to return, as casually as he can, while using a question regarding Youngjae's bedtime curfew as the main subject. And from the time they received her reply, Jongin figures he has less than 15 minutes to accomplish this mission.
"That's why I'm trying to tell you, you misheard us."
Youngjae doesn't seem to be taking in his words, but Jongin is determined to meet his goal here. Sehun, on the other hand, can’t care less about the situation and is happily enjoying the freedom of being let out of the room by raking through the refrigerator looking for more food to stuff his face. "You said it first after all," he mutters earlier with a look that says "serve you right".
"I understand," Youngjae then says.
The creases on Jongin's forehead deepen. "You do?"
"Yeah." The younger boy shrugs.
He's quiet for a while, trying to decide whether he should believe the boy now especially after the experiences he went through tonight. Youngjae's face doesn't give anything away, but it doesn't seem like he's lying either.
Jongin glances at the clock and then at Sehun. Thinking maybe he can put the blame on the latter somehow in case Joohyun does find out later, he finally gives up. "Okay then." He shrugs. "Go brush your teeth. It's your bedtime."
Youngjae nods and heads straight to the toilet obediently, while Jongin follows from behind afterwards to check on him. With his mouth covered in toothpaste, the boy looks at Jongin who has his right shoulder leaned against the doorframe and arms crossed watching him. "Wher'z mummy?"
He chuckles a bit. "Don't speak with your mouth full."
And so Youngjae spits out the remaining toothpaste and rinses his mouth quickly. When he is done, with the help of Jongin to wipe his face dry, the child asks again. "Where is mummy?"
"She'll be home soon."
"How soon?"
"Very soon, if you hurry up and go to bed."
However before Youngjae even gets to his room, they hear the sound of unlocking coming from the front door, and soon enough it opens and reveals Joohyun standing there.
Youngjae breaks into a run towards his mother while Sehun, who is still in the kitchen, almost chokes on his juice at the sight of her but quickly recovers to pretend to be doing dishes.
Jongin joins to welcome Joohyun back at the same time as Sehun and gives him a punch on the arm discreetly when the mother and son are too distracted by each other. Sehun winces in pain, but before he can get his revenge Joohyun's already looking at them.
"You two must have worked hard," she remarks.
"You have no idea," he mumbles, only to get hit by Jongin again.
"Sorry, what did you say?"
"Nothing! It was quite fun." Jongin grins.
"Really? None of his previous babysitters ever used that adjective."
"Nah, don't worry about it. We kind of made a mess in your house anyway."
Joohyun smiles and asks them to wait for a while as she takes her son to his room and tucks him in. When she returns, she produces an envelope from her handbag. "It's not much, but I hope it's enough."
Out of the blue, Sehun steps forward and gladly accepts the envelope. "We're happy with any amount," he says, and Jongin has to fight back the urge to smack him on the head right then and there.
"I'm so thankful that the two of you are able to help."
"As long as you pay-"
"Don't mention it," Jongin quickly cuts in before his friend could finish his sentence. He receives a glare from Sehun as a result but only ignores it.
After exchanging more thank yous and you're welcomes, they both make their way to the door, calling it a day at last. Jongin manages to snatch the envelope from Sehun's hand and pockets it away while sending a smirk his way. "I'll give you your share only after you return my poster."
Just as Joohyun's about to close the door, Jongin spots Youngjae running out from his room. All of a sudden he gets chills in his spine as if he can sense danger looming over him.
And his instinct is correct.
"Mummy, I have a question."
"What is it?"
"What is vagina?"
Joohyun's face changes in a split second. Her smile immediately disappears and not even a trace of it remains, as if she has just been told that it is the Apocalypse. Jongin thinks not even that news could be as horrible as this.
"Where did you hear that word from?" she probes.
"Dude, that's our cue. Retreat, quick!" he mumbles to Sehun in a voice no louder than a whisper.
At that moment, Jongin swears he can feel a finger being pointed towards him. His heart may have stopped too. "Those hyungs."
He grabs Sehun's wrist instinctively without even looking back and the two of them take off.