and he went on
Last night was interesting...
I realized I need to be there for someone.
And he went on.
and I am coming to the conclusion my life is actually...really good in comparison to others.
Nick was telling me his ex girlfriend (they just broke up) sees a shrink who tells her not to date one more exclusively. Little did I know that being a skank rocket was theraputic.
He went on...he's so sad, but I was a rock.
He seemed so perfect until last night.
He showed his flaws.
His lack of emotions throughout the past year I've known him were not the blessing I thought they were.
He commented how he wanted to get alcohol poisoning and all this...idiotic stuff I must have wished upon myself after Steve and I broke up, because I understand the sadness he feels currently.
And there's me sitting there as he goes on, about his life, about her life, about everything.
I'm so very young in comparrison to all these people.
One major heartbreak.
and even though this year has brought emotions I've never felt before: actually hate, complete and utter depression, a calm spiritual sense I have never been in touch with before; I'm still so....inexperienced when it comes to life.
Not that I want to go crazy.
I just thought that I was so very mature for what I had been through. So good at getting over the past.
I had no idea.
I don't hold grudges, I don't live in my memories anymore.
I'm so much better than I was.
and, quite honestly, for the most part, Steve is to thank.
If him and I had not ended, or if he had not done the things he did, I would have not been strong enough to live the way I do now, independently. Realizing last night that my parents house isn't the place I feel most at home at anymore. It's where I am right now.
I mean....this entry might be all over the place, but I did not feel this good about my life until hearing Nick last night.
I'm majorly blessed.
I guess it's schadenfreude...
I do feel guilty about him entrusting me with so much information, only for me to turn it into reasons not to care for him..
but that much baggage, I had no idea..
Does that make me a terrible person?
I got sent home from work today because I've barfed twice.
I'm super sick.
but the water near my work is contaminated, and I've been drinking/eating from it since i started feeling icky.
so, not so great.
I dunno.
I just feel so young, but so accomplished.
I realized I need to be there for someone.
And he went on.
and I am coming to the conclusion my life is actually...really good in comparison to others.
Nick was telling me his ex girlfriend (they just broke up) sees a shrink who tells her not to date one more exclusively. Little did I know that being a skank rocket was theraputic.
He went on...he's so sad, but I was a rock.
He seemed so perfect until last night.
He showed his flaws.
His lack of emotions throughout the past year I've known him were not the blessing I thought they were.
He commented how he wanted to get alcohol poisoning and all this...idiotic stuff I must have wished upon myself after Steve and I broke up, because I understand the sadness he feels currently.
And there's me sitting there as he goes on, about his life, about her life, about everything.
I'm so very young in comparrison to all these people.
One major heartbreak.
and even though this year has brought emotions I've never felt before: actually hate, complete and utter depression, a calm spiritual sense I have never been in touch with before; I'm still so....inexperienced when it comes to life.
Not that I want to go crazy.
I just thought that I was so very mature for what I had been through. So good at getting over the past.
I had no idea.
I don't hold grudges, I don't live in my memories anymore.
I'm so much better than I was.
and, quite honestly, for the most part, Steve is to thank.
If him and I had not ended, or if he had not done the things he did, I would have not been strong enough to live the way I do now, independently. Realizing last night that my parents house isn't the place I feel most at home at anymore. It's where I am right now.
I mean....this entry might be all over the place, but I did not feel this good about my life until hearing Nick last night.
I'm majorly blessed.
I guess it's schadenfreude...
I do feel guilty about him entrusting me with so much information, only for me to turn it into reasons not to care for him..
but that much baggage, I had no idea..
Does that make me a terrible person?
I got sent home from work today because I've barfed twice.
I'm super sick.
but the water near my work is contaminated, and I've been drinking/eating from it since i started feeling icky.
so, not so great.
I dunno.
I just feel so young, but so accomplished.