A Confession
You know I just realized Franklin and I have been dating longer than I thought... I mean he said he loved me before we established being together but...yea...
I think we've been dating since like April...early april...right after me and Paul stopped dating... and its almost July... im a little scared at how fast I fell in love with him looking back. we were dating a week or less before i decided he was my savior and THE ONE. but you know... i havent changed how I feel... im a little smarter about it but I am still madly in love and know we were meant for each other.
Weve known each other sinccceee... Late February or early March. so weve only known each other 5 months...and its crazy because i feel like ive known him for YEARS.
I guess this is how i am though... i fall fast and hard. Like with Andrew... I knew him a few weeks before i decided I was in love with him. I really hope... Franklin doesnt turn into another Andrew... I can only have one of those in a lifetime
I'm not being melodramatic but Im not sure ill ever have a chance to be truly happy if Franklin and I dont work out. I dont have the energy....the desire... the srength to devote myself to anyone else... I cant share these painful things again... I cant know so much about someone that its weird. No one else will do.
I know he wont read this...well msot likely.
but... I want him to know that I truly do love him.
I have never met someone more opinionated. He can go for hours talking about all the things he knows and feels. But he listens to others point of view. He feeds off of learning and has a drive that I have never seen in someone. I know if he wants something bad enough he will get it.
I have never met anyone who I thrive off their happiness more... every time he laughs its like my heart is melting... like if I can just hear him laugh the rest of my life I could be perfectly fine. Fuck. He could be laughing in my expense and i wouldnt be able to wipe the smile off my face...
I love that hes jealous. I love the possessive feeling I get around him. I dont care what anyone says... I think when your jealous... (in a certain kind of way) it shows your desperation for the love of that person. If that person finds someone "better" your world would come crashng down. All in all... he makes me feel NEEDED... you can WANT something or someone for 4 minutes and WANT someone else the next. But when you NEED something or someone... you cant just have anyone else...
I KNOW that he would protect me at all cost. If I was dying I feel comfortable knowing he would hold a gun to a resaearchers head to find the cure. If we got stalked in a dark alley i KNOW he would fend them off. But msot importantly... I kNOW if someone said something about me... or hurt my feelings... he would stick up for me... not in a matter of if im right or wrong.. but not in a biased "shes my girlfriend and shes always right" way either... hed stick up for me because he loves me... even if im wrong.. hed stick up for the harm done to me. And I have never had that before.
I lvoe the fact I think im the only one who understands him. He sounds angry half the time. He can be grumpy. He sometimes says things he doesnt mean or lashes out... he is sensitive and he cares so deeply for people. He takes his expereinces and instead of becoming a horrible person he grows from things... hes like my own special secret because i dont want to share him with others... i want him to myself.. hell ill tell people all they want about him but as for him himself...hes all mine.
I love the fact he cant go a day without talking to me. That he is as obssessive over me as I am over him. Even when he hears my voice or sees a message I sent I somehow make his world that much brighter... and no one understands how much ive always wanted that... how much i prayed and wished on shooting stars to be that for someone.
I lvoe the fact he fought for our country. It brings a whole new respectable light to him. He demands respect and obediance without being a scary Nazi about it. Hes been threw so much to be a good soldier and to simply stay alive that I dont think I could ever think less of him.
I love the fact that on the inside despite his seriousness and his amazing qualities and his angry tones... he is a dork like me. I can tell him the stupidest things and he thinks im funny and he I think hes funny. He's patient with me for not understanding things but he also teaches me so much.
I love the fact he was the only boyfriend Ive ever had who told me without me asking... that if i really needed him to he would come to my rescue and live with me. Not just because hes madly in lvoe with me... not just because im his girlfriend... but because he loves me as a human being and wanted to help me.
And as a superficial ending to my soul-pouring... He is one of the very few men that are so sexy to me that he just utters simple things in his tone of voice and it stops my in my tracks... he sends shivers down my spine and has me thinking of him all the time. hes not sick or twisted or overly sexual... hes the crazy hyper sexual that ive always been and always will be.
I hope he reads this... because i want him to know.
I dont want his money... because we could live under a bridge with rotting fish and sewer rats and id be happy to be by his side.
He could lose his legs and id happily wheel him around and race him down hills and hump his brains out just the same.
He could lose his ability to speak and I would speak for him... I would talk so much more to fill the void to show him how much I love him.
He could be sterile........ and even though the thought really hurts me... I could be happy with just him... the rest of our lives... and ive never thought that about anyone.. never thought I could be happy with someone if they couldnt provide me with a family.
He could have AIDS and id still love him and sleep with him and get AIDS too so we could share the pain and get through it as one entity.
I love this man so much... that I can honestly say... if he ever got tired of me... if he ever found someone who could make him more happy... i would be ok... i wouldnt move on... becayse i think hes the only one who can make me happy... but... id be ok. Im not going to lie ad say I wouldnt be upset or jealous of his new wife and family.. but he deserves so much happiness that I would scarifice an entire population... to save him.
I love him so much because of the changes he made in me.
I stick up for myself so much more now.
I dont let people upset me as much as I used to.
I told him to stay in Florida because i know this job makes him happy. Not on a daily scene but deep down inside... he needs to feel responsible... he needs to feel useful and like he can provide for me and the people he loves. And even though Universal is a shithole...it does that for him.
So thank you Franklin...
you've really stirred something deep inside of me.. and I hope I can keep you smiling and laughing for the rest of your life. Because I have yet to find anyone who deserves it quite as much as you do.
I think we've been dating since like April...early april...right after me and Paul stopped dating... and its almost July... im a little scared at how fast I fell in love with him looking back. we were dating a week or less before i decided he was my savior and THE ONE. but you know... i havent changed how I feel... im a little smarter about it but I am still madly in love and know we were meant for each other.
Weve known each other sinccceee... Late February or early March. so weve only known each other 5 months...and its crazy because i feel like ive known him for YEARS.
I guess this is how i am though... i fall fast and hard. Like with Andrew... I knew him a few weeks before i decided I was in love with him. I really hope... Franklin doesnt turn into another Andrew... I can only have one of those in a lifetime
I'm not being melodramatic but Im not sure ill ever have a chance to be truly happy if Franklin and I dont work out. I dont have the energy....the desire... the srength to devote myself to anyone else... I cant share these painful things again... I cant know so much about someone that its weird. No one else will do.
I know he wont read this...well msot likely.
but... I want him to know that I truly do love him.
I have never met someone more opinionated. He can go for hours talking about all the things he knows and feels. But he listens to others point of view. He feeds off of learning and has a drive that I have never seen in someone. I know if he wants something bad enough he will get it.
I have never met anyone who I thrive off their happiness more... every time he laughs its like my heart is melting... like if I can just hear him laugh the rest of my life I could be perfectly fine. Fuck. He could be laughing in my expense and i wouldnt be able to wipe the smile off my face...
I love that hes jealous. I love the possessive feeling I get around him. I dont care what anyone says... I think when your jealous... (in a certain kind of way) it shows your desperation for the love of that person. If that person finds someone "better" your world would come crashng down. All in all... he makes me feel NEEDED... you can WANT something or someone for 4 minutes and WANT someone else the next. But when you NEED something or someone... you cant just have anyone else...
I KNOW that he would protect me at all cost. If I was dying I feel comfortable knowing he would hold a gun to a resaearchers head to find the cure. If we got stalked in a dark alley i KNOW he would fend them off. But msot importantly... I kNOW if someone said something about me... or hurt my feelings... he would stick up for me... not in a matter of if im right or wrong.. but not in a biased "shes my girlfriend and shes always right" way either... hed stick up for me because he loves me... even if im wrong.. hed stick up for the harm done to me. And I have never had that before.
I lvoe the fact I think im the only one who understands him. He sounds angry half the time. He can be grumpy. He sometimes says things he doesnt mean or lashes out... he is sensitive and he cares so deeply for people. He takes his expereinces and instead of becoming a horrible person he grows from things... hes like my own special secret because i dont want to share him with others... i want him to myself.. hell ill tell people all they want about him but as for him himself...hes all mine.
I love the fact he cant go a day without talking to me. That he is as obssessive over me as I am over him. Even when he hears my voice or sees a message I sent I somehow make his world that much brighter... and no one understands how much ive always wanted that... how much i prayed and wished on shooting stars to be that for someone.
I lvoe the fact he fought for our country. It brings a whole new respectable light to him. He demands respect and obediance without being a scary Nazi about it. Hes been threw so much to be a good soldier and to simply stay alive that I dont think I could ever think less of him.
I love the fact that on the inside despite his seriousness and his amazing qualities and his angry tones... he is a dork like me. I can tell him the stupidest things and he thinks im funny and he I think hes funny. He's patient with me for not understanding things but he also teaches me so much.
I love the fact he was the only boyfriend Ive ever had who told me without me asking... that if i really needed him to he would come to my rescue and live with me. Not just because hes madly in lvoe with me... not just because im his girlfriend... but because he loves me as a human being and wanted to help me.
And as a superficial ending to my soul-pouring... He is one of the very few men that are so sexy to me that he just utters simple things in his tone of voice and it stops my in my tracks... he sends shivers down my spine and has me thinking of him all the time. hes not sick or twisted or overly sexual... hes the crazy hyper sexual that ive always been and always will be.
I hope he reads this... because i want him to know.
I dont want his money... because we could live under a bridge with rotting fish and sewer rats and id be happy to be by his side.
He could lose his legs and id happily wheel him around and race him down hills and hump his brains out just the same.
He could lose his ability to speak and I would speak for him... I would talk so much more to fill the void to show him how much I love him.
He could be sterile........ and even though the thought really hurts me... I could be happy with just him... the rest of our lives... and ive never thought that about anyone.. never thought I could be happy with someone if they couldnt provide me with a family.
He could have AIDS and id still love him and sleep with him and get AIDS too so we could share the pain and get through it as one entity.
I love this man so much... that I can honestly say... if he ever got tired of me... if he ever found someone who could make him more happy... i would be ok... i wouldnt move on... becayse i think hes the only one who can make me happy... but... id be ok. Im not going to lie ad say I wouldnt be upset or jealous of his new wife and family.. but he deserves so much happiness that I would scarifice an entire population... to save him.
I love him so much because of the changes he made in me.
I stick up for myself so much more now.
I dont let people upset me as much as I used to.
I told him to stay in Florida because i know this job makes him happy. Not on a daily scene but deep down inside... he needs to feel responsible... he needs to feel useful and like he can provide for me and the people he loves. And even though Universal is a shithole...it does that for him.
So thank you Franklin...
you've really stirred something deep inside of me.. and I hope I can keep you smiling and laughing for the rest of your life. Because I have yet to find anyone who deserves it quite as much as you do.