rock of ages, cleft for me
Ahh, yeah, that's no mistake with the 11:04 PM time stamp. I was chatting with someone from Porthouse, and started playing with the "pieces of flair" application on facebook... it went downhill from there, but anyway. I miss the people, but I do in someways miss the place. It's a difficult place to try to be independent in because everything is pretty spread out. But then I'm from the boro. It's four times smaller than Kent. I don't miss the giant hill in the middle of campus there. I miss Einstein Brother's Bagels. And the music department with the Boston pianos that made me think of Amanda and that Augustana song "Boston" and the music video of the pianos on the beach with the tide coming in. I miss walking/riding by the May 4th memorial on my way to work, although I never really stopped and visited it. I miss the giant sandstone brain. The fifth floor of the library. The fashion museum, the giant rock on the front lawn that was painted something new almost every day. The tiny blinky red light in the middle of campus. I miss Nora and her Disney princess dress-up magnet set. Its the first place I can honestly say I was independent. Its the longest time (God help me) I've ever been away from home.
I think this is my last year. Regardless of what happens with grad school. I feel like this is it. This needs to be it. It should be, it's supposed to be it. Salvage the remaining pieces of dignity and self respect and move on... to God knows what at this point, yes, but the point is something other than college undergrad. First day of class I walked in the door and thought, "This time next year, it's over. I'm gone." And by gone I mean gone from town as well, that would be great. Still working on the where part. I still feel like "who am I kidding?" with grad school, but it's still a possibility... I keep trying to stomp out the tiny voice in my head saying "Don't give up!", the last time I was this excited about a school, I was rejected. And then something like 1000 other people are going to audition, too. Maybe it was silly to think I had a shot. But I did it. I can't believe I managed to get all that stuff pulled together in a month, how ever horribly the presentation turned out. But I still did it. I didn't back out (I thought about it. Several times that month- who was I kidding after all!). Half the battle is showing up. I was there. And I sang. First time all summer I sang for someone. Mark said afterward that I had a lovely voice. I guess he wouldn't just say it. A lot of people say it. I'm over analyzing this. Now I have six, seven, however many months to brood over every angle and what I should have done differently. The way I'm brooding now. :) andend.
Someone once said "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Question of the rest of the year: If grad school is the good thing, then what's the better thing, and when do I find out what it is?
I think this is my last year. Regardless of what happens with grad school. I feel like this is it. This needs to be it. It should be, it's supposed to be it. Salvage the remaining pieces of dignity and self respect and move on... to God knows what at this point, yes, but the point is something other than college undergrad. First day of class I walked in the door and thought, "This time next year, it's over. I'm gone." And by gone I mean gone from town as well, that would be great. Still working on the where part. I still feel like "who am I kidding?" with grad school, but it's still a possibility... I keep trying to stomp out the tiny voice in my head saying "Don't give up!", the last time I was this excited about a school, I was rejected. And then something like 1000 other people are going to audition, too. Maybe it was silly to think I had a shot. But I did it. I can't believe I managed to get all that stuff pulled together in a month, how ever horribly the presentation turned out. But I still did it. I didn't back out (I thought about it. Several times that month- who was I kidding after all!). Half the battle is showing up. I was there. And I sang. First time all summer I sang for someone. Mark said afterward that I had a lovely voice. I guess he wouldn't just say it. A lot of people say it. I'm over analyzing this. Now I have six, seven, however many months to brood over every angle and what I should have done differently. The way I'm brooding now. :) andend.
Someone once said "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Question of the rest of the year: If grad school is the good thing, then what's the better thing, and when do I find out what it is?