Writing from a better state of mind (Inspirational Quote-fest 09)
'You must have a lot of spare time
To put down the words that you write
But no one cares
You should put your mind to rest’
(Kisschasey, ‘Opinions won’t keep you warm at night’)
Despite that opening, with a less-than-inspirational quote, I am going to continue putting words down anyway, regardless of whether people care or not because I’m feeling better and it’s quite therapeutic…..
I’m fairly sure that the average person doesn’t spend too much time thinking about who they are and the life they are living. Certainly, many people in the world don’t even have the luxury of focussing on their mental well-being, but are instead just trying to physically survive from day to day.
I really wish, quite often, that I wasn’t constantly self-analysing and overthinking life all the time, but just getting on with living it. However, in the process of living I am inclined to think. What can I say, I’m a thinking sort of person (except when it comes to useful deep thinking and understanding of things like microbiology, quantum physics, etc).
Anyway, so I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about who I am and have generally been trying to get myself out of this cycle of negativity and depression that I’ve found myself in for the last few years. I would say the new Meds have definitely helped, if only to enable me to get to a stage where now I can actually (for the most part) implement /believe the stuff that I’m supposed to have been thinking the whole time! Eg. Live your life by your own standards, don’t compare yourself to others, etc.
It’s time, I think, for a couple of versus from ‘THE’ song that appeals to anyone feeling depressed, ‘The Middle’ by Jimmy Eat World:
‘Don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.
………………
You know you're doing better on your own,
So don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else.’
In the wise words of Oscar Wilde: ‘Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.’ Very true.
Indeed, you can’t compare yourself to others because everyone is an individual on their own individual ‘path’ with issues they must confront and deal with the best they can. And while I am a fan, at times, of making broad, sweeping generalizations about groups of people, I know full well you can’t pigeon-hole people based on one aspect of their personality or lifestyle. For instance, I’m a bit of a greenie. But you couldn’t put me in the ‘hippy’ category because I also do a lot of un-hippy things (eg. watch massive amounts of TV, drive a car, use supermarket-bought soap). There are many different facets to people’s personalities and lives, everyone has strengths and limitations, good and bad qualities. Good qualities can also sometimes be bad ones, and ‘bad’ ones can also be good ones. Eg.I’m over-sensitive which is usually not so good, but at the same time it allows me to be sensitive towards other people’s feelings and to have more compassion in some situations than someone who isn’t sensitive.
In the past, I haven’t been particularly good at accepting my limitations and disappointments, but I am slowly learning to do so. Everyone is only human. No-one is ‘better’ than anyone else, and as John Butler Trio say, ‘Life’s not about what’s better than.’ I don’t excel at anything in particular. Maybe one day I will, but really I’d like to strive just to be competent (‘mediocrity in a world of excellence’?) at what I do and be a generally nice person. I was heading down a path of bitterness and resentment, but that is not who I am or what I want to be, so changing my thinking was/is necessary. Besides, I have enough trouble making/keeping friends without being a bitter and twisted bitch! As Kisschasey also state, in the song quoted earlier: ‘Sometimes, days are like this and you don't agree with what you see’ They continue ‘But I will never let the bitter things you say ever get to me.’ I am going to try my best not to be that bitter, jealous person losing their friends anymore!
So learning to let things go is very important and beneficial, even if it’s not easy. I am prone to opening old wounds (both mental AND physical wounds, particularly mosquito bites.) and tend to get depressed/stressed about things that have happened in the past that shouldn’t still get to me. People need to learn from their mistakes, move along, and keep living. There are some things you really do have to just ‘walk away’ from. I’ve never been particularly good at knowing, in the words of The Gambler, ‘when to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em, when to walk away, and when to RUN!’ Needless to say, I’m pretty bad at playing Poker.
And as the Pacifier song says, ‘life’s supposed to ebb and flow’ and sometimes times aren’t great or you’ve made a mistake, but that’s the ‘ebb’ and at other times life’s not too bad and just ‘flows.’ Ah metaphors.
Also it would seem that a major rule for survival (for any species really!) is to be a bit selfish. Not in the negative sense of the word, because obviously we need to consider others, being the social creatures we are. I just mean that the sooner you realise you can rely on no-one but yourself, the better. Like THE (Middle) song says, ‘You’re doing better on your own.’ At the end of the day we are living our own lives and making our own choices and should never be too dependent on anyone or anything else, or concern ourselves too much with what other people are choosing to do with their lives (provided it’s not harming anyone else!) Ultimately to survive we don’t need anyone else, though it is nice to have social interaction, and of course many people working together provide for society’s needs as a whole. But putting too many expectations on anyone else will usually result in severe disappointment! Yes, the world is full of lonely people, even people in relationships are still single individuals that feel alone at times. Even in a room full of friends you can still be alone!
I guess all you can hope for is to live a good life in your own view, whatever that may be, and to achieve some form of contentment for the most part, instead of having negativity and self-doubt and depression as the norm. Being tolerant and compassionate towards others and at the same time focussing on what’s best for you….
Remembering, in the words of Theodore Roosevelt: ‘Do what you can, with what you have,
where you are.’ I am this person, in this society, in this day-in-age, with such qualities and limitations, likes and dislikes, values and beliefs that may or may not be similar to others around me but I’m still equal to everyone as a human. Hopefully I’m a good person, and I’m going to be OK!
And a final favourite quote from the John Butler Trio: ‘I guess that’s just the way it be, is it the world, or how I see me?’