LJ Idol Topic #21: Playing the Odds
The cat adjusted his fine cap, and was announced into the giant's throne room, where he bowed low before the giant.
"What is this?" asked the giant. "I have seen a cat that could walk on two legs, but never one that walked in boots. What a fine and novel supper!"
"Ah, my Lord," replied the cat. "Alas, I fear I shall not have the honor of being your supper. I am the servant of my Marquis de Carabas, and he has sent me forth to lay a wager with your most benevolent highness."
"A wager?" asked the giant. "Pray tell, what is this wager?"
"My lord the Marquis de Carabas has sent me to wager all his lands against this rumor, this rumor that you have the power to change yourself into any beast," said the cat.
"Oho!" The giant let out a mighty laugh. "Ah, but your master's lands are already forfeit."
Before the cat's eyes, the giant was transformed into a mighty lion, who roared so loudly that the cat scurried to hide behind a chair.
"I hear," the cat replied, peering out nervously. "I hear that you can turn yourself into an elephant."
No sooner had the cat said the word 'elephant,' but there was a tremendous elephant before him, trumpeting with its splendid trunk.
"I have won your wager, cat!" said the giant.
"Ah," replied the cat. "But you have not shown me that you can transform into anything. You have only shown me other large things. What about a tiny thing, such as, oh…a mouse?"
“A mouse?” asked the elephant, eyeing the cat skeptically.
The cat waggled its feline brows. “Yes, you know, a mouse...or if you prefer the Latin, mus musculus will do. Whiskers, ears, tail, eats cheese... Ah, never mind, I’ll just go tell my master that you weren’t able to--”
“And what are you?” asked the elephant.
“I?” asked the cat, as he stroked his own sleek side, purring proudly. “I am a cat, that most highly perfected of creatures.”
“And is it not true that cats eat mice?” asked the elephant.
“What?” the cat asked, incredulous. “What? Why, I never!”
The giant slowly morphed back into a giant-shape instead of an elephant-shape. “Do you think I’m stupid?” the giant asked, and he heaved a giant sigh and plopped himself back down on his richly-bejewelled throne. “It’s always the way, isn’t it?” the giant asked sadly. “Oh, look at that brute!” he said, in a scoffing tone. “He’s big and ugly, therefore he must be cruel as a tyrant and dumb as a rock! You’re like that wretched little boy who cheated that man out of five perfectly good magic beans for one terrible, old cow with dried up teats and then killed my Great-Uncle Blorg!”
And with that, the giant promptly called for his guards.
Soon enough, the carriage that carried the King came to a stop, and who should prance out of the doors of the giant’s castle, but a very fine-looking cat in boots and a little velvet cap. “My Lord!” the cat exclaimed, as his young owner emerged from the carriage, followed by the lovely princess. “My Lord, I regret to inform you that your days of booze and women are over!”
The youth staggered, and stopped where he stood. “W-what?” he asked, looking rather green.
“I regret to inform you that as swiftly as you amassed your fortune through cards and dice and swindling poor unfortunates out of their property, you have lost it all in a single hand of pinochle,” said the cat.
“I don’t know what you...” started the youth.
“You had best explain yourself, lad!” demanded the king.
The princess merely turned very red and slapped the youth across the face. “That’s for ogling my royal breasts, you cad!” she exclaimed.
“Hurry, hurry!” said the cat, and waved him off. “You’d best be gone, for I hear there is an angry mob on their way to strip you of everything you owe!”
The youth looked stricken, and stood frozen in place even as the cat pranced off in his little boots.
Meanwhile, while the King and his daughter were left waiting outside, uncertain what to do. They had never had such an abrupt reception in their royal lives! But as sure as the cat had said, a group of townsfolk marched up the road. Since the King and the Princess had been traveling, and had no crowns nor royal attendants, the townspeople recognized them only as wealthy travelers and not as royalty.
“Where is he?!” demanded the leader of the townsfolk, who was, as the cat had said, brandishing a pitchfork. “Where is the Marquis de Carabas?”
Now, the youth had never exactly been the cleverest youth-- he had always left that up to his cat. So he pointed to himself. “I am!” he answered. “I am the Marquis de Carabas.”
“Your cat threatened to make mincemeat of us!” shouted one of the townspeople. “He told us on pain of death to say that the fields we tilled were not the fields of our good Lord Snerg The Giant but your own!”
The man raised his pitchfork, and the townsfolk shouted angrily.
But then the giant himself came to the gates of the castle. “My good villians!” he called, raising his hands. “Please, calm yourselves! This is not a time for mob justice. Let the Marquis de Carabas face the court.”
The townspeople let out a collective sigh, but they knew that the Lord Snerg was right. “But Lord Snerg,” said one of them. “He conspired with his dreadful cat to uproot you from your seat.”
“He may very well have,” said the giant. “But surely there is some explanation for this.”
And so the youth was led to the giant’s wine cellar, for the giant, being so large and threatening, had never needed to keep a prison, as his enemies were frightened away the moment he belched or turned himself into a dragon. He did, however, appreciate a fine vintage of Burgundy.
“I apologize for such a rude welcome, Your Majesties,” the giant said to the king. But it was at that moment that he laid his eyes on the princess, and was immediately stricken with love. He could think of nothing but her lovely face, and the sympathetic look she gave him.
“It is nothing,” said the princess. “That...that rake tried to fool me into loving him! He promised me all these lands, and such fine things! And he pinched my thigh!”
The giant, who would never dreamed of pinching a lady’s thigh, largely because his fingers were approximately the size of the average lady’s head and would leave a dreadful bruise, apologized again, profusely, even as he could feel himself blushing very red.
“Well,” he said to them both. “I must ask you to stay to dinner. Watch the step, please; I am afraid it will be knee-high for you.”
He made his suit to the princess over the soup course. And while the king seemed very taken with his offer, he could tell that while the promise of land and wealth enticed the princess, she could not bring to look him in the eye.
“Are you afraid of me?” Lord Snerg asked the princess.
Her soup spoon trembled in her dainty hand. “I...” she stammered. “I confess that you are not the picture of the husband I thought I might wed.”
“I understand,” said the giant. “I am very large, and very ugly, and my nose hair is as long as the hair on your head. But I am also very gentle, and will treat you very kindly.”
The king frowned. “I cannot make my daughter marry someone she cannot love,” he admitted. “As much as I think this match would be beneficial to us both.”
“Well,” said the giant, as the servants brought in the main course. “There is one more thing.”
In front of the king and the princess, the servants sat down two delicious-looking game birds, roasted to perfection and accompanied by turnips and spring onions. In front of the giant, they set down a side of beef and what appeared to be a housecat that had been cooked on a spit and stuffed with savory herbs and wild mushrooms.
“One more thing?” the king asked, as he helped himself to his succulent meal. “What is that?”
The princess looked fearfully from her father to her suitor.
Lord Snerg smiled. “I can change my shape at will. Into anything I like.”
The princess was silent for a moment. She coughed slightly, and flushed crimson.
The king looked confused. “I’m not sure I--”
“Anything you like?” the princess repeated, looking at the giant with renewed interest.
“Oh, yes,” said the giant. “Anything I like. Or anything you like, for that matter.”
“I’ll take him!” the princess exclaimed.
The king choked on a bird bone. “Ahem!” he muttered, as he cleared his windpipe. “Are you sure?”
The princess leapt from her seat and went to stand beside Snerg, patting his knee, as it was the highest part of him she could reach. “Oh, yes, father,” she agreed. “I’m sure.”
This entry is meant as an intersection with alephz' Open Topic entry, which can be found here
"What is this?" asked the giant. "I have seen a cat that could walk on two legs, but never one that walked in boots. What a fine and novel supper!"
"Ah, my Lord," replied the cat. "Alas, I fear I shall not have the honor of being your supper. I am the servant of my Marquis de Carabas, and he has sent me forth to lay a wager with your most benevolent highness."
"A wager?" asked the giant. "Pray tell, what is this wager?"
"My lord the Marquis de Carabas has sent me to wager all his lands against this rumor, this rumor that you have the power to change yourself into any beast," said the cat.
"Oho!" The giant let out a mighty laugh. "Ah, but your master's lands are already forfeit."
Before the cat's eyes, the giant was transformed into a mighty lion, who roared so loudly that the cat scurried to hide behind a chair.
"I hear," the cat replied, peering out nervously. "I hear that you can turn yourself into an elephant."
No sooner had the cat said the word 'elephant,' but there was a tremendous elephant before him, trumpeting with its splendid trunk.
"I have won your wager, cat!" said the giant.
"Ah," replied the cat. "But you have not shown me that you can transform into anything. You have only shown me other large things. What about a tiny thing, such as, oh…a mouse?"
“A mouse?” asked the elephant, eyeing the cat skeptically.
The cat waggled its feline brows. “Yes, you know, a mouse...or if you prefer the Latin, mus musculus will do. Whiskers, ears, tail, eats cheese... Ah, never mind, I’ll just go tell my master that you weren’t able to--”
“And what are you?” asked the elephant.
“I?” asked the cat, as he stroked his own sleek side, purring proudly. “I am a cat, that most highly perfected of creatures.”
“And is it not true that cats eat mice?” asked the elephant.
“What?” the cat asked, incredulous. “What? Why, I never!”
The giant slowly morphed back into a giant-shape instead of an elephant-shape. “Do you think I’m stupid?” the giant asked, and he heaved a giant sigh and plopped himself back down on his richly-bejewelled throne. “It’s always the way, isn’t it?” the giant asked sadly. “Oh, look at that brute!” he said, in a scoffing tone. “He’s big and ugly, therefore he must be cruel as a tyrant and dumb as a rock! You’re like that wretched little boy who cheated that man out of five perfectly good magic beans for one terrible, old cow with dried up teats and then killed my Great-Uncle Blorg!”
And with that, the giant promptly called for his guards.
Soon enough, the carriage that carried the King came to a stop, and who should prance out of the doors of the giant’s castle, but a very fine-looking cat in boots and a little velvet cap. “My Lord!” the cat exclaimed, as his young owner emerged from the carriage, followed by the lovely princess. “My Lord, I regret to inform you that your days of booze and women are over!”
The youth staggered, and stopped where he stood. “W-what?” he asked, looking rather green.
“I regret to inform you that as swiftly as you amassed your fortune through cards and dice and swindling poor unfortunates out of their property, you have lost it all in a single hand of pinochle,” said the cat.
“I don’t know what you...” started the youth.
“You had best explain yourself, lad!” demanded the king.
The princess merely turned very red and slapped the youth across the face. “That’s for ogling my royal breasts, you cad!” she exclaimed.
“Hurry, hurry!” said the cat, and waved him off. “You’d best be gone, for I hear there is an angry mob on their way to strip you of everything you owe!”
The youth looked stricken, and stood frozen in place even as the cat pranced off in his little boots.
Meanwhile, while the King and his daughter were left waiting outside, uncertain what to do. They had never had such an abrupt reception in their royal lives! But as sure as the cat had said, a group of townsfolk marched up the road. Since the King and the Princess had been traveling, and had no crowns nor royal attendants, the townspeople recognized them only as wealthy travelers and not as royalty.
“Where is he?!” demanded the leader of the townsfolk, who was, as the cat had said, brandishing a pitchfork. “Where is the Marquis de Carabas?”
Now, the youth had never exactly been the cleverest youth-- he had always left that up to his cat. So he pointed to himself. “I am!” he answered. “I am the Marquis de Carabas.”
“Your cat threatened to make mincemeat of us!” shouted one of the townspeople. “He told us on pain of death to say that the fields we tilled were not the fields of our good Lord Snerg The Giant but your own!”
The man raised his pitchfork, and the townsfolk shouted angrily.
But then the giant himself came to the gates of the castle. “My good villians!” he called, raising his hands. “Please, calm yourselves! This is not a time for mob justice. Let the Marquis de Carabas face the court.”
The townspeople let out a collective sigh, but they knew that the Lord Snerg was right. “But Lord Snerg,” said one of them. “He conspired with his dreadful cat to uproot you from your seat.”
“He may very well have,” said the giant. “But surely there is some explanation for this.”
And so the youth was led to the giant’s wine cellar, for the giant, being so large and threatening, had never needed to keep a prison, as his enemies were frightened away the moment he belched or turned himself into a dragon. He did, however, appreciate a fine vintage of Burgundy.
“I apologize for such a rude welcome, Your Majesties,” the giant said to the king. But it was at that moment that he laid his eyes on the princess, and was immediately stricken with love. He could think of nothing but her lovely face, and the sympathetic look she gave him.
“It is nothing,” said the princess. “That...that rake tried to fool me into loving him! He promised me all these lands, and such fine things! And he pinched my thigh!”
The giant, who would never dreamed of pinching a lady’s thigh, largely because his fingers were approximately the size of the average lady’s head and would leave a dreadful bruise, apologized again, profusely, even as he could feel himself blushing very red.
“Well,” he said to them both. “I must ask you to stay to dinner. Watch the step, please; I am afraid it will be knee-high for you.”
He made his suit to the princess over the soup course. And while the king seemed very taken with his offer, he could tell that while the promise of land and wealth enticed the princess, she could not bring to look him in the eye.
“Are you afraid of me?” Lord Snerg asked the princess.
Her soup spoon trembled in her dainty hand. “I...” she stammered. “I confess that you are not the picture of the husband I thought I might wed.”
“I understand,” said the giant. “I am very large, and very ugly, and my nose hair is as long as the hair on your head. But I am also very gentle, and will treat you very kindly.”
The king frowned. “I cannot make my daughter marry someone she cannot love,” he admitted. “As much as I think this match would be beneficial to us both.”
“Well,” said the giant, as the servants brought in the main course. “There is one more thing.”
In front of the king and the princess, the servants sat down two delicious-looking game birds, roasted to perfection and accompanied by turnips and spring onions. In front of the giant, they set down a side of beef and what appeared to be a housecat that had been cooked on a spit and stuffed with savory herbs and wild mushrooms.
“One more thing?” the king asked, as he helped himself to his succulent meal. “What is that?”
The princess looked fearfully from her father to her suitor.
Lord Snerg smiled. “I can change my shape at will. Into anything I like.”
The princess was silent for a moment. She coughed slightly, and flushed crimson.
The king looked confused. “I’m not sure I--”
“Anything you like?” the princess repeated, looking at the giant with renewed interest.
“Oh, yes,” said the giant. “Anything I like. Or anything you like, for that matter.”
“I’ll take him!” the princess exclaimed.
The king choked on a bird bone. “Ahem!” he muttered, as he cleared his windpipe. “Are you sure?”
The princess leapt from her seat and went to stand beside Snerg, patting his knee, as it was the highest part of him she could reach. “Oh, yes, father,” she agreed. “I’m sure.”
This entry is meant as an intersection with alephz' Open Topic entry, which can be found here