(no subject)
winter's instant distribution of fake heat makes me feel faint and flushed with illness. it's hot cold hot cold reminding me of us and what i want is something to just stay. i hold my knees to my chest in bathtubs filled with scalding water and all i dream about is leaving. running away. i know there is something outside my reach. i've seen it in skylines and faces and i don't understand why i can't get it. i've seen people and skies and love that all turns my heart and i think i know where i can find it but it's the getting there. it's always the getting there. my photographic eye has been shut off and my nonfiction sensibilities turned cold.