(no subject)
illiterate intimacy...1o.27.o8
To be intimate with someone, I've learned, comes in many different forms. Sharing any aspect of one life with another is intimate, and the levels of connection determine the depth and breadth of these relationships. I've met a lot of people in my life, most transient and quick, but I have been extremely blessed and fortunate to sustain friendships and acquaintances with many of these individuals. As I take a trip down memory lane and see all these friendly faces cross the back of my eyelids, I find myself thinking about past co-workers, neighbors, ex-lovers, and even family members and the levels of closeness I'd once had with them. I suppose it's the walk of life that takes us down these paths, and oft times mutual obligation isn't enough to form lasting connections.
I suppose I just wonder if the intimacy is all imagined, if the conversations shared over beer and blunts or empty places of business brought them to their own conclusions about the way life works and the way they relate to others, like it has for me.
I can't quite pinpoint where all this curiosity has come from. It's been 10 months back at home and I find myself filling my head with memories of past days, past habits, the way things were a mere year ago, trying to stabilize the image of who I was, who I pretend to be, and who I really Am. I had always felt invisible, but while I'm now getting the attention I want I find myself unsure yet again of what it is that I truly Desire. This instability leads to unsure feelings present in all aspects of life- probably the most awkward emotion to feel- and continually restrains myself in pursuing what it is that I want.
The right kind of intimacy, I think, is when two entities can reveal multiple facets of their humanity and find reflections of themselves in the other. And while I have been able to build solid bridges amongst old friends and continue to work on the connections I've recently made, I find myself intimidated when it comes to the intimacy I know my soul's been craving. Does this genuine connection seem so unattainable because I'm not the whole Woman I'm capable of being, or does the eventual attainment of this genuine connection mean I've finally met the right Man?
it's 2:30 now, and I cant seem to keep my eyes open, nor can a thought spill from these fingertips in a complete and sensible manner.
I need to learn that Intimacy is not one to be Feared.
Vulnerability, on the other hand, is an entirely different post in itself.
To be intimate with someone, I've learned, comes in many different forms. Sharing any aspect of one life with another is intimate, and the levels of connection determine the depth and breadth of these relationships. I've met a lot of people in my life, most transient and quick, but I have been extremely blessed and fortunate to sustain friendships and acquaintances with many of these individuals. As I take a trip down memory lane and see all these friendly faces cross the back of my eyelids, I find myself thinking about past co-workers, neighbors, ex-lovers, and even family members and the levels of closeness I'd once had with them. I suppose it's the walk of life that takes us down these paths, and oft times mutual obligation isn't enough to form lasting connections.
I suppose I just wonder if the intimacy is all imagined, if the conversations shared over beer and blunts or empty places of business brought them to their own conclusions about the way life works and the way they relate to others, like it has for me.
I can't quite pinpoint where all this curiosity has come from. It's been 10 months back at home and I find myself filling my head with memories of past days, past habits, the way things were a mere year ago, trying to stabilize the image of who I was, who I pretend to be, and who I really Am. I had always felt invisible, but while I'm now getting the attention I want I find myself unsure yet again of what it is that I truly Desire. This instability leads to unsure feelings present in all aspects of life- probably the most awkward emotion to feel- and continually restrains myself in pursuing what it is that I want.
The right kind of intimacy, I think, is when two entities can reveal multiple facets of their humanity and find reflections of themselves in the other. And while I have been able to build solid bridges amongst old friends and continue to work on the connections I've recently made, I find myself intimidated when it comes to the intimacy I know my soul's been craving. Does this genuine connection seem so unattainable because I'm not the whole Woman I'm capable of being, or does the eventual attainment of this genuine connection mean I've finally met the right Man?
it's 2:30 now, and I cant seem to keep my eyes open, nor can a thought spill from these fingertips in a complete and sensible manner.
I need to learn that Intimacy is not one to be Feared.
Vulnerability, on the other hand, is an entirely different post in itself.