(no subject)
it kills me how i slip so easily into old routines. The playful one, the cute one. The one that's just like one of the guys, the one that's your little sister. All of these roles that i've become so used to, even the one about fuckin around at work, not giving a shit about my responsibilities and only thinking about myself... I honestly don't even know who I am anymore, and I don't even feel like I can base who I am off of the people I surround myself with; I don't feel very close to anyone that I've been spending time with recently, and I'm in the position, once again, where it's just easier to turn to Drugs or Alcohol to fix it. I mean, I'm not dependent upon either, but I just feel like the ice needs to be broken somehow...
I got fired from tower, I act like it's nothing, but in reality, it scares me. A Lot. Here I am, trying to actually do something with my life, trying to actually get myself on track, and this comes out of left field, completely tripping me up. But at the same time, it wasn't completely out of left field, because I obviously made the mistake in the first place. But looking at it from an optimistic perspective, Tower was just holding me back. It was easy work, good company and decent pay (although it's not that some of my coworkers don't get shisted in the pay department), and the people i've met and gotten closer to through tower have been awesome. With that said, it was wayyy too easy for me to stay. And I had been looking into getting a new job... granted, i'd been fuckin off and not doing shit for hella long, but it's time for me to get my shit together. this time, it's not a setback, it just the instigator. It's a step in the right direction, I know I'll get a better job and I'll do better things with my life... And i've got some pretty awesome people to help me along...
Vacation in San Diego tomorrow morning until next week. Vacation in... Life in general...starting next week. And by vacation, i mean... unemployed.
And what is it with me and becoming interested in people that don't know what they want? I mean, I don't know what I want either, but...
Maybe I just want someone willing to wait with me while I figured it out. And i guess I'd want someone to want me to wait with them, too.
I'll take what I can get, i guess. night time and the subsequent mornings after? better than nothing, i think.
I got fired from tower, I act like it's nothing, but in reality, it scares me. A Lot. Here I am, trying to actually do something with my life, trying to actually get myself on track, and this comes out of left field, completely tripping me up. But at the same time, it wasn't completely out of left field, because I obviously made the mistake in the first place. But looking at it from an optimistic perspective, Tower was just holding me back. It was easy work, good company and decent pay (although it's not that some of my coworkers don't get shisted in the pay department), and the people i've met and gotten closer to through tower have been awesome. With that said, it was wayyy too easy for me to stay. And I had been looking into getting a new job... granted, i'd been fuckin off and not doing shit for hella long, but it's time for me to get my shit together. this time, it's not a setback, it just the instigator. It's a step in the right direction, I know I'll get a better job and I'll do better things with my life... And i've got some pretty awesome people to help me along...
Vacation in San Diego tomorrow morning until next week. Vacation in... Life in general...starting next week. And by vacation, i mean... unemployed.
And what is it with me and becoming interested in people that don't know what they want? I mean, I don't know what I want either, but...
Maybe I just want someone willing to wait with me while I figured it out. And i guess I'd want someone to want me to wait with them, too.
I'll take what I can get, i guess. night time and the subsequent mornings after? better than nothing, i think.