Divorce...
Divorce....
Its been about 6 months since we seperated and the pain is still horrible. Because my Mom died, my Dad and I are not close, and my stepmom verbally abused me I ended up 100% investing myself emotionally in my ex and her family. Now that she has dropped all contact with me, I am really all alone. It is worse than when my Mom died because her leaving me was involuntary. This is like your soul mate and family voluntarily leaving you.
The bright side to all of this is that I've lost 50 pounds since she left. Some of it is due to excercise, I find that the endorphins you get from running temporarily eases the pain. Some of it due to not eating because when I think of her I get a wave of anxiety and depression that causes my stomach to violently churn, doesn't make it better if I have a full stomach. Some of it due to smoking, I smoke about a pack every two days now, once again it gets my mind off of things.
I really feel like I have learned what I did wrong and now I am afraid for my next relationship. Will I be on guard and shut myself out to avoid all of this again? Or will I be a complete push over just so my love will never leave me? The future is scary.
I start college back in August.. and hopefully a new job soon. 'Things get better with time' ... only barely. I was listening to a Billy Talent song and one verse really struck me "I've never had to walk so far, on a lonely street, with no one there for me, Is it worth the pain? With no one to blame, for all of my insecurities, how could I ever let you go?"
Joey's Mom gave me a good piece of advice that I say outloud to myself every time I get depressed or anxious. "Focus on yourself and look forward" Surprisingly enough it works. Gets my mind back on track. It felt good to vent this.
Its been about 6 months since we seperated and the pain is still horrible. Because my Mom died, my Dad and I are not close, and my stepmom verbally abused me I ended up 100% investing myself emotionally in my ex and her family. Now that she has dropped all contact with me, I am really all alone. It is worse than when my Mom died because her leaving me was involuntary. This is like your soul mate and family voluntarily leaving you.
The bright side to all of this is that I've lost 50 pounds since she left. Some of it is due to excercise, I find that the endorphins you get from running temporarily eases the pain. Some of it due to not eating because when I think of her I get a wave of anxiety and depression that causes my stomach to violently churn, doesn't make it better if I have a full stomach. Some of it due to smoking, I smoke about a pack every two days now, once again it gets my mind off of things.
I really feel like I have learned what I did wrong and now I am afraid for my next relationship. Will I be on guard and shut myself out to avoid all of this again? Or will I be a complete push over just so my love will never leave me? The future is scary.
I start college back in August.. and hopefully a new job soon. 'Things get better with time' ... only barely. I was listening to a Billy Talent song and one verse really struck me "I've never had to walk so far, on a lonely street, with no one there for me, Is it worth the pain? With no one to blame, for all of my insecurities, how could I ever let you go?"
Joey's Mom gave me a good piece of advice that I say outloud to myself every time I get depressed or anxious. "Focus on yourself and look forward" Surprisingly enough it works. Gets my mind back on track. It felt good to vent this.