Let's Try This Again
I had many impulses to write since the last entry I made in February, but because I was so embarrassed about so many things about my life I could hardly breathe a word to anyone about what I was doing, much less write about it. I'm still very embarrassed and my life is very compartmentalised because of it, with friends, family, school, politics and more all kept almost completely separate from one another. But the feeling of isolation that this has bred has been getting to me, so I thought to try to write here again, but with one significant difference: I've disabled the reader comment feature.
I've appreciated almost all the comments I've received before, but the worry that I might be judged harshly for what I write has almost always caused me to hesitate, and after days and weeks of procrastinating, the urge to write what I initially wanted to usually dies. I think, then, that maybe if I don't have to worry -- at least temporarily -- about the possibility of being criticised immediately and to my face, I might begin to feel freer to express myself, and in turn feel less self-conscious about the details of my life. And even if I decide to keep the comment feature disabled indefinitely, I figure that one-way communication is better than nothing at all, which has been the case so far, more or less.
Removing the opportunity for comments to be left will also take away the temptation to check my journal to see who has written what in reply, something that I admit I've done almost compulsively after every entry I've written. It will also lift the burden of the obligation I've felt too often before to acknowledge each comment left with a respectfully thoughtful answer, something that I've spent inordinate amounts of time on in the past and that I can really no longer afford to do if I want to meet a particular goal of mine. But if anyone feels strongly enough about what I write while the comments feature is turned off, you're still welcome to broach the subject in person, or talk to me about it through an IM or over the phone. I'll also keep my Gmail address posted in my Profile section in case there's no other way in which I can be reached, but I don't check it regularly and I discourage using it if one of the other options is viable.
Auf wiedersehen, perhaps more literally this time than it could've been meant before.
I've appreciated almost all the comments I've received before, but the worry that I might be judged harshly for what I write has almost always caused me to hesitate, and after days and weeks of procrastinating, the urge to write what I initially wanted to usually dies. I think, then, that maybe if I don't have to worry -- at least temporarily -- about the possibility of being criticised immediately and to my face, I might begin to feel freer to express myself, and in turn feel less self-conscious about the details of my life. And even if I decide to keep the comment feature disabled indefinitely, I figure that one-way communication is better than nothing at all, which has been the case so far, more or less.
Removing the opportunity for comments to be left will also take away the temptation to check my journal to see who has written what in reply, something that I admit I've done almost compulsively after every entry I've written. It will also lift the burden of the obligation I've felt too often before to acknowledge each comment left with a respectfully thoughtful answer, something that I've spent inordinate amounts of time on in the past and that I can really no longer afford to do if I want to meet a particular goal of mine. But if anyone feels strongly enough about what I write while the comments feature is turned off, you're still welcome to broach the subject in person, or talk to me about it through an IM or over the phone. I'll also keep my Gmail address posted in my Profile section in case there's no other way in which I can be reached, but I don't check it regularly and I discourage using it if one of the other options is viable.
Auf wiedersehen, perhaps more literally this time than it could've been meant before.