C&TCC - The COMPLETE and UTTER review, Part 3 - Trailers
Squirmed in my seat after sitting through those irritating new Jammie Dodger adverts (trying to make the most old-fashioned and boring biscuit in the world rebellious and exciting, and failing to make them look anything except disturbing), finished half my packet of Haribo Snakesss, and am now sitting back, looking forward to the trailers.
I know the kid's film rules still apply like they did with adverts, in that 50% of them has to be aimed at children too young to go to the cinema, but I was still hoping for some good 'uns.
"What could they show?" I thought to myself, as I always do, while sitting patiently through the tedious adverts. Last time I saw Madagascar they showed the Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire teaser, so that was a possibility. The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe perhaps? That's coming out soon. Chicken Little? That's looking interesting. Wallace & Gromit is a definite hope, that was on both times I saw Madagascar. Oh, Tim Burton, so Corpse Bride can't be ruled out. Could even get the new, proper trailer for it! Brand new and incredibly popular film here, so only the best trailers!
Right. I should've taken the hint after the adverts. The cinema couldn't be bothered to show anything in any way decent.
When the best trailer is Herbie Rides Again you know something smells bad. Not ONE of those films I hoped for made it - come on guys! This is arguably the biggest full-family film of the summer! Surely you could get some better trailers than this?
Stealth gets a new trailer, and still makes it look crap.
Nanny Ogdenville, or whatever the bloody hell it was called, the one with the ugly witch nanny and the irritating bratty kids who frankly deserve everything they get, apart from looking tired and boring, was cursed by the studio mentality of "showing the film's entire plotline in a 2-minute trailer", so that there's no surprises and no actual reason to see the film any more.
Herbie could actually be okay (not that I'll see it, unless a severely cute single girl asks me), and no matter how many times I see the trailer I still laugh at the guy at the end who gets dragged off by men in white coats because he's raving that the car's mocking him.
And finally, the winner of the Worst. Title. Ever. award and the only time I've ever heard the entire audience in a packed cinema (biggest screen too) groan collectively: The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. Surely someone must have noticed that the name was utterly shit? Did they think it was kooky? Original? Perhaps, but This Movie Is Really Shit is also an original name but no one in their right mind would use it.
It also becomes doubly dubious because of the language barrier. Yes, we do speak English over here too, and 99.9% of time we know what you Americans are talking about (if not 100), but there are some words that mean one thing to you and another over here. There are probably others, but none as well known and often used as the word "Pants". We do know what it means to you, but we still can't help stifling a giggle whenever we hear it.
If you don't know, we don't use the word "Pants", meaning "jeans", or "trousers" or "tracksuits". We use it as the shortened version of "underpants". So this film becomes The Sisterhood of the Travelling Underpants. Which doesn't help its already rock-bottom credulity.
Tomorrow comes Part Four, and the Movie Itself!
(I still can't believe they didn't even show Harry Potter. Well, at least they didn't show that awful-looking Shark Boy & Lava Girl thing)