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May 05, 2009 01:34

The feeling I get being out of school and barely employed is one of uslessness and uncertainty.

It's probably just a case of homesickness but I've been here too long it seems. I know I'll be making my way West eventually in the next 2 months but if I could only put the dates in stone I would feel a whole lot better. Actually, if I could put a lot of things in stone I would feel completely at ease.

I'm under pressure to make a certain amount of money as repayment to my parents for living here and it's no small amount, it's the bulk of my yearly income and with jobs looking few and far between I don't know how I'm going to make it. The worst part is that the sooner I make it the more time I can spend at home, but without it, I may not make it home for nearly as much as I had planned.

For my next trip it might have to be whirlwind, but it will be nice all the same. I just need to get home, feel the wind on my face while standing on my road at 6am after a night of a few too many with my best friends. I just need to go for a long drive in my truck listening to my favorite songs going back in time to my happiest of memories and the ones that helped me become the man I am today. I just need to see my brother and my sister who are growing up without me.

On a happier note work might be coming soon. I've been told that my past performance was excellent and that I should get a few dates coming up and that really makes me feel better about this whole period of inactivity. It's hard to want to get out of bed when you have no money to go anywhere and no where to go that requires no money. Those reasons seem to be coming soon.

Other than that things are excellent and I think I'm returning to livejournal as per my letter in my last post. I need to hold onto the past because that's how I understand the world around me and without it I'd be reliving everything I've gone through and that's not something I plan to do.

Anyway, this has turned to rambling, more cohesive and cerebral posts in the future.
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