Ficlet for fid_gin
Very silly very unbeta'd little ficlet for fid_gin who's having a bad day.
Ten II/Ten/Rose but contains only innuendo, no actual action (sorry, the smut bunnies just weren't biting today).
Continuing with the theme of "Historical figures confront tencest."
On the Vortex
Rose sat down quite pointedly on the duffel bag, leaving both Doctors with nothing but hard ground at the edge of the road to sit on as they each rubbed the back of their necks and shuffled their feet awkwardly.
"Sod off, the both of you," Rose grumbled, head in her hands. The heat of the day was reaching its four o'clock zenith and she felt dessicated, like a raisin.
The Doctor in brown turned on the spot a few times and looked up and down the shimmering expanse of perfectly straight, perfectly flat motorway. Removing his blue jacket, the other Doctor attempted to use it to shield Rose from the sun, but got a few choice swears and a wave of her hand for his efforts.
"I'm sure someone will be along soon. Where did you say we were again?" the Doctor asked, tying his jacket around his waist after having his leg smacked by Rose.
"Utah," the other Doctor answered, squinting and growing ever more pink and freckled with each passing minute.
"And what if no one drives by, eh? We've got no water, no shelter, no food. Oh, we're going to die out here," Rose moaned. "Well, two of us at least."
The look on the Time Lord's face began to morph from contrite to smug as she spoke and he turned from her to shield his eyes and look down the road again. "Nah. No one's dying, or regenerating. Here comes a car."
The other Doctor extended a hand to Rose to help her up, which she eyed warily. "You're the one in the miniskirt, I think you should probably be doing the honours."
"But what if it's a car full of redblooded young American girls?" Rose winked as she stood and dusted herself off. "And as far as I'm concerned, if it is, they can have the pair of you. Honestly, we've got a bleedin' time and space ship, what did we need to ride motorbikes all the way out here for?"
"Pardon me, that's hogs," the Doctor corrected her. "And if my frankly mechanically inept metacrisis here wasn't such a moron, we'd still have those glorious machines between our...er, you know what I mean."
"Shut up the pair of you. Try to look sexy," Rose commanded, rolling her eyes. She could only hope that if it was a carload of girls that the idea of skinny, tangle-haired twins appealed to them as much as it appealed to her.
One Doctor winked at the other at her words and she had to stand between them to make sure things did not get out of hand right there on the side of the road. "Stop it."
The approaching car was a classic land yacht of post-war American design and instead of it being filled with girls, Rose saw when it began to slow to a stop that it was occupied by two wild-eyed young men, both in white t-shirts, both with cigarettes dangling from their mouths.
The one on the passenger side stuck his head out the window and looked her up and down first, then gave a long, appraising look to the Doctors. "Well, well," he said with an melodious East Coast accent.
The driver leaned over and did the same, looking between the three of them and grinning like a loon as he removed his cigarette and tossed the butt on to the pavement. "Where you headed?" he asked, still smiling from ear to ear.
"San Francisco," Rose answered, trying to push her bad mood away to avoid offending their would-be saviours.
"Limeys!" the passenger hooted as he stuck a hand out the window for a shake. "I'm Jack."
Both Doctors snorted with stifled laughter as he said his name and Rose shot them a look.
"Lovely to meet you, Jack. I'm Rose."
"Get in, get in!" the driver barked. "Let's go! San Fran, oh wow that's where we're headed too, have you been before? Man, we've got some friends there, you've got to come stay with us."
Rose opened up a door and piled in with the Doctors, winding up sitting between them.
As they took off again, peeling out and laying rubber as they did so, the driver completely took his eyes off the road and almost turned around entirely in his seat to stick his own hand out to them. "Name's Neal," he said, looking back and forth between the three of them. "And I'm sure you get why I'm asking, I mean, look at you,everyone's got to have an idea but you two cats and this lovely young thing here, what's that about?"
"Put your eyes back on the road and I'll tell you all about it," the Doctor in his shirtsleeves gritted out between clenched teeth.
"The road's straight, man, it's so straight you don't even have to steer, you don't even have to look, you just go and go and Jack tells me if there's an armadillo or something in the road,doncha, Jack?"
The passenger nodded, but Neal turned around again to face the road anyway. But now it was Jack's turn to scrutinize the trio. He looked at each of them in the eye in turn, in a way that unnerved all of them, and the edges of his mouth quirked in to a sly little smile.
"Both of you and her, huh?" he asked finally, pointing to Rose.
"Oi, I'm right here," Rose said steadily, leveling a glare right at him. "You can ask me directly."
Neal began to laugh, a high-pitched mad little giggle and Jack smiled broadly at her. "So tell me all about it," he said.
"Yes, it's all three of us," she said with a gleam in her eye. "And I assure you, it is every bit as naughty as you think it is."
"Ha! She said 'naughty'!" Neal howled and swerved the car around on the road in his mirth. "Naughty, naughty, naughty!"
The Doctor in brown shifted uncomfortably in his seat but Jack turned around fully in his, kneeling now and resting his chin on the headrest. "You," he pointed to the Doctor in shirtsleeves, "and you," pointing to Rose, "and you," pointing to the other Doctor. "That must be wild."
"You have no idea," Rose purred. The Doctor on her left squeezed her thigh but the one on her right just stared out the window at the desert passing by.
Jack looked over at Neal, who was still bouncing up and down in his seat with giggles. "Oh, I think I might," he growled back at her. "I think I just might."
Ten II/Ten/Rose but contains only innuendo, no actual action (sorry, the smut bunnies just weren't biting today).
Continuing with the theme of "Historical figures confront tencest."
On the Vortex
Rose sat down quite pointedly on the duffel bag, leaving both Doctors with nothing but hard ground at the edge of the road to sit on as they each rubbed the back of their necks and shuffled their feet awkwardly.
"Sod off, the both of you," Rose grumbled, head in her hands. The heat of the day was reaching its four o'clock zenith and she felt dessicated, like a raisin.
The Doctor in brown turned on the spot a few times and looked up and down the shimmering expanse of perfectly straight, perfectly flat motorway. Removing his blue jacket, the other Doctor attempted to use it to shield Rose from the sun, but got a few choice swears and a wave of her hand for his efforts.
"I'm sure someone will be along soon. Where did you say we were again?" the Doctor asked, tying his jacket around his waist after having his leg smacked by Rose.
"Utah," the other Doctor answered, squinting and growing ever more pink and freckled with each passing minute.
"And what if no one drives by, eh? We've got no water, no shelter, no food. Oh, we're going to die out here," Rose moaned. "Well, two of us at least."
The look on the Time Lord's face began to morph from contrite to smug as she spoke and he turned from her to shield his eyes and look down the road again. "Nah. No one's dying, or regenerating. Here comes a car."
The other Doctor extended a hand to Rose to help her up, which she eyed warily. "You're the one in the miniskirt, I think you should probably be doing the honours."
"But what if it's a car full of redblooded young American girls?" Rose winked as she stood and dusted herself off. "And as far as I'm concerned, if it is, they can have the pair of you. Honestly, we've got a bleedin' time and space ship, what did we need to ride motorbikes all the way out here for?"
"Pardon me, that's hogs," the Doctor corrected her. "And if my frankly mechanically inept metacrisis here wasn't such a moron, we'd still have those glorious machines between our...er, you know what I mean."
"Shut up the pair of you. Try to look sexy," Rose commanded, rolling her eyes. She could only hope that if it was a carload of girls that the idea of skinny, tangle-haired twins appealed to them as much as it appealed to her.
One Doctor winked at the other at her words and she had to stand between them to make sure things did not get out of hand right there on the side of the road. "Stop it."
The approaching car was a classic land yacht of post-war American design and instead of it being filled with girls, Rose saw when it began to slow to a stop that it was occupied by two wild-eyed young men, both in white t-shirts, both with cigarettes dangling from their mouths.
The one on the passenger side stuck his head out the window and looked her up and down first, then gave a long, appraising look to the Doctors. "Well, well," he said with an melodious East Coast accent.
The driver leaned over and did the same, looking between the three of them and grinning like a loon as he removed his cigarette and tossed the butt on to the pavement. "Where you headed?" he asked, still smiling from ear to ear.
"San Francisco," Rose answered, trying to push her bad mood away to avoid offending their would-be saviours.
"Limeys!" the passenger hooted as he stuck a hand out the window for a shake. "I'm Jack."
Both Doctors snorted with stifled laughter as he said his name and Rose shot them a look.
"Lovely to meet you, Jack. I'm Rose."
"Get in, get in!" the driver barked. "Let's go! San Fran, oh wow that's where we're headed too, have you been before? Man, we've got some friends there, you've got to come stay with us."
Rose opened up a door and piled in with the Doctors, winding up sitting between them.
As they took off again, peeling out and laying rubber as they did so, the driver completely took his eyes off the road and almost turned around entirely in his seat to stick his own hand out to them. "Name's Neal," he said, looking back and forth between the three of them. "And I'm sure you get why I'm asking, I mean, look at you,everyone's got to have an idea but you two cats and this lovely young thing here, what's that about?"
"Put your eyes back on the road and I'll tell you all about it," the Doctor in his shirtsleeves gritted out between clenched teeth.
"The road's straight, man, it's so straight you don't even have to steer, you don't even have to look, you just go and go and Jack tells me if there's an armadillo or something in the road,doncha, Jack?"
The passenger nodded, but Neal turned around again to face the road anyway. But now it was Jack's turn to scrutinize the trio. He looked at each of them in the eye in turn, in a way that unnerved all of them, and the edges of his mouth quirked in to a sly little smile.
"Both of you and her, huh?" he asked finally, pointing to Rose.
"Oi, I'm right here," Rose said steadily, leveling a glare right at him. "You can ask me directly."
Neal began to laugh, a high-pitched mad little giggle and Jack smiled broadly at her. "So tell me all about it," he said.
"Yes, it's all three of us," she said with a gleam in her eye. "And I assure you, it is every bit as naughty as you think it is."
"Ha! She said 'naughty'!" Neal howled and swerved the car around on the road in his mirth. "Naughty, naughty, naughty!"
The Doctor in brown shifted uncomfortably in his seat but Jack turned around fully in his, kneeling now and resting his chin on the headrest. "You," he pointed to the Doctor in shirtsleeves, "and you," pointing to Rose, "and you," pointing to the other Doctor. "That must be wild."
"You have no idea," Rose purred. The Doctor on her left squeezed her thigh but the one on her right just stared out the window at the desert passing by.
Jack looked over at Neal, who was still bouncing up and down in his seat with giggles. "Oh, I think I might," he growled back at her. "I think I just might."