Stolen from Whackingday.com
G'Day,
I want you to elect me. Why? Because I promise, if elected, I will spend every day of my term making sure the government does absolutely fucking nothing.
I'm gonna stop government spending in almost every area you can imagine. The government will be so starved of revenue it will barely be able to function. You'll have to pay for stuff yourselves instead of expecting other people to do it. Your money is your money. It does not belong to the government, your neighbour, the unemployed or any other part of the "community". Nobody else is going to pay for your damned kids education, your babysitting, your house or your groceries.
You'll have to mind your own damned business and take responsibility for your own actions. If the guy next door to you is a polygamist transsexual drug addict with a collection of .44 magnums who makes porno movies featuring donkeys, there's nothing you can do about it.
You're gonna learn to live your own life, without the government's tongue permanently shoved up your arsehole.
I'm not gonna stop businesses from opening whenever the hell they want or charging whatever the hell they want. I'm not gonna stop people developing their own property however the hell they want. I'm not gonna stop people gambling anywhere they want on anything they want. No private contract for goods or services made without coercion will be considered "unfair".
Nobody owes you a bloody thing: not supermarkets, not the banks, not petrol companies, not phone companies, not ISPs, not TV stations, not anybody, especially not "the community".
If you live in a flood plain, don't expect other taxpayers to pay for your flood damage. If you move out to the country, don't start bitching about how you're not being provided with "services".
But hey, look at the upside: you'll pay bugger-all tax. You'll have more money to spend on your new personal responsibilities. No cunt-faced bureaucrat can tell you how to build your house, or that you can't chop down some ugly heritage-listed dead tree in your backyard. You won't have to pay the government for the privilege of buying a house or a car or anything else.
Nothing, and I mean nothing that you do will be illegal as long as it doesn't harm any other person.....and by "harm", I don't mean some silly old bitch thinking your house is the wrong colour, or that your lifestyle is "immoral".
You will have an absolute right to protect your own life and property. If someone breaks into your house, or is trying to steal your car, you can shoot the useless bastard.
I will tell the AMA to go fuck themselves. You have an absolute right to do anything you want with your own body and life. You can drink, smoke, sniff cocaine or stick dynamite up your wiener.
Fast food companies can sell as much fatty-greasy junk food as they want. They won't be obligated to provide salads and soy milk just because some self-righteous health weasel thinks it's "good" for people.
Your life is yours. You neighbours life is theirs. Harm no-one, pay for your own stuff and mind your own fucking business. The government will exist to do three things, and only three things:
1: Protect the borders with a standing military
2: Run the police and court system
3: Enforce contracts
Sound good to you? Then vote for me. The rest of you can go fuck yourselves, you pack of goddamned moral gimps.