It's not ALL hopeless
Though I wasn't able to do any work towards my dissertation (other than the normal activities generating data for it), I can't help but feel today was more creative than most, and thus not such a waste. It's been a long road going after this doctorate- and there looks to be a good ways yet to go. Someone once said that we're destined to live our lives in a state of quiet desperation, and I can't help but think about that.
Granted, my desperation (such as it is) is destined to be anything but quiet.
If that's the case, I can hardly make the case for living a mediocre life- suffering silently while life heaps inequities upon me not only seems futile, but also so boring as not to be believed. But even that would be preferable to nothing at all.
Nothing can stop fate from piling weight after weight- but would someone who wants a challenge in life prefer differently?
Challenge and strife can be merely problems, but they also hide great rewards in their difficulty and risk. The Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times," becomes a blessing when applied to the correct temperament.
So, given my inscrutable rambling above, you may wonder, "where on earth is he going with this?"
The paragraphs above are both a castigation and a benediction to myself and my friends. It becomes so easy to settle into your day-to-day routine, wishing for the tranquility of a nostalgic past, or looking too far ahead to the bright future ahead.
I really loved all the parties in 105, and I thought that while it was all so crazy back then, it didn't matter, because we were all weird and wild together- but it all fell apart, and I know that I can't get it back. I'm looking forward to a lot of things, too- Christmas, stopping in J'ville to see Jack, Sue, Matt, Dara, and Andrew, I'm going to graduate, AUSTIN'S going to graduate, and so many things are going to happen.
But, I'm both no longer there, and yet not there yet. Right now, I've got a lot of work to do, a lot of weights to lift, a lot of beers to drink, lots of love to give out- and I'd best get to gettin'.
Granted, my desperation (such as it is) is destined to be anything but quiet.
If that's the case, I can hardly make the case for living a mediocre life- suffering silently while life heaps inequities upon me not only seems futile, but also so boring as not to be believed. But even that would be preferable to nothing at all.
Nothing can stop fate from piling weight after weight- but would someone who wants a challenge in life prefer differently?
Challenge and strife can be merely problems, but they also hide great rewards in their difficulty and risk. The Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times," becomes a blessing when applied to the correct temperament.
So, given my inscrutable rambling above, you may wonder, "where on earth is he going with this?"
The paragraphs above are both a castigation and a benediction to myself and my friends. It becomes so easy to settle into your day-to-day routine, wishing for the tranquility of a nostalgic past, or looking too far ahead to the bright future ahead.
I really loved all the parties in 105, and I thought that while it was all so crazy back then, it didn't matter, because we were all weird and wild together- but it all fell apart, and I know that I can't get it back. I'm looking forward to a lot of things, too- Christmas, stopping in J'ville to see Jack, Sue, Matt, Dara, and Andrew, I'm going to graduate, AUSTIN'S going to graduate, and so many things are going to happen.
But, I'm both no longer there, and yet not there yet. Right now, I've got a lot of work to do, a lot of weights to lift, a lot of beers to drink, lots of love to give out- and I'd best get to gettin'.