Like every weepy love song I've ever heard, but worse.
No, I've never been in love. No, I've never been in "like". No, I don't think I'm capable of maintaining anything remotely close to what could be called a "relationship". I can only imagine, that kind of emotional bond, how great it must feel inside, how warm and cuddly you must feel when you know you're "in love". I've seen Love Actually, I know what people fall asleep and dream about. Idiots.
There should be a part of the US Census that asks people, right after the Married/Divorced/Single section, but before the income questions, "How often do you fuck things up?" and "Are you going to die unhappy?" I think the results would scare people. Between the big dreams and shit like The Princess Diaries, everyone grows up thinking that they're only going to get better in the future. Always thinking about "someday" and "hopefully", but never thinking about why you haven't already gotten what you've been lusting after for so long. Someday, you'll lose weight, you'll finish college, you'll get a great job, have amazing children, a kickass house, and the big whammy: You'll fall in Love. But how often does one really find this big thing, "Love"? Probably somewhere between not very often and never. And that's because people screw up. They either screw up their little relationships, or screw up in picking people and trusting them not to screw up. People have lapses in judgement and do stupid things, and apologies are never enough. And if you think that I'm just being bitter because i got screwed over, you are WRONG MISTER. I'm bitter today because I screwed up, because I AM a screwup, because apologies are just little flecks compared to some of the shit I do.
Before you get it in your head, dear reader, that I'm always so hard on myself and here it is in print in front of you, let me tell you that you're a screwup too, but you're probably just better at getting away with it than I am. Congratulations.
So you fucked up another something, and someone forgives you. So what? They're still unhappy with you, and even if they've agreed to never talk about it, that they really do forgive you, they're still playing whatever it is you did over and over in their heads until the day they die, or get dementia. I'm sorry, was that wrong? I'm just saying that it seems utterly impossible that someone could accept someone with all their flaws or whatever they say in wedding vows, when any one individual is full of so many flaws it seems impossible that we even accept ourselves.
And that is why I think love is impossible. Thank You.
There should be a part of the US Census that asks people, right after the Married/Divorced/Single section, but before the income questions, "How often do you fuck things up?" and "Are you going to die unhappy?" I think the results would scare people. Between the big dreams and shit like The Princess Diaries, everyone grows up thinking that they're only going to get better in the future. Always thinking about "someday" and "hopefully", but never thinking about why you haven't already gotten what you've been lusting after for so long. Someday, you'll lose weight, you'll finish college, you'll get a great job, have amazing children, a kickass house, and the big whammy: You'll fall in Love. But how often does one really find this big thing, "Love"? Probably somewhere between not very often and never. And that's because people screw up. They either screw up their little relationships, or screw up in picking people and trusting them not to screw up. People have lapses in judgement and do stupid things, and apologies are never enough. And if you think that I'm just being bitter because i got screwed over, you are WRONG MISTER. I'm bitter today because I screwed up, because I AM a screwup, because apologies are just little flecks compared to some of the shit I do.
Before you get it in your head, dear reader, that I'm always so hard on myself and here it is in print in front of you, let me tell you that you're a screwup too, but you're probably just better at getting away with it than I am. Congratulations.
So you fucked up another something, and someone forgives you. So what? They're still unhappy with you, and even if they've agreed to never talk about it, that they really do forgive you, they're still playing whatever it is you did over and over in their heads until the day they die, or get dementia. I'm sorry, was that wrong? I'm just saying that it seems utterly impossible that someone could accept someone with all their flaws or whatever they say in wedding vows, when any one individual is full of so many flaws it seems impossible that we even accept ourselves.
And that is why I think love is impossible. Thank You.