Image issues
I'm having self-image issues again. The biggest conflict as always is "girly" vs "tomboyish". I always liked the idea of being a tomboy because then I thought that would be a stronger and more confident perosnality than girly. But the tomboy doesn't wear skirts, doesn't like jewlery, dressses or makeup and has a short maybe spiky hairstyle. But I'm apparently fairly vain and getting more so and being aware of how skirts, makeup jewelry and long hair can be more appealing on the eye. The in between tends to have such unappealing names as broad, or bitch and seems at odds with itself than to exude self confidence either.
At this point a don't have a good body image, and after trying a basic fitness test on a treadmill determined that I have almost no muscle mass in my shins. I'm in between hairstyles, meaning I wanted to try and grow my hair out long again so there is a substantial in-between period where I can make my hair look nice but I don''t like the image it gives of me (namly 10 years older). I hate the way my neck looks and while Hentai is trying to be sweet his reluctance to provide opinions makes me feel even more unappealing....
I also am feeling very adrift in the life plan area. I mentioned in a previous post feeling odd that its 2010 and I'm still here. Well the same can be said for "I got the degree", now what. I have too much debt to really push for a dynamic change like starting a business and making my life focus paying off the debt provides no inspiration or satisfaction. The classes I'm taking to earn a CPA are really my bosses idea and not a bad one for ensuring I have a backup plan if Plan A (Start a business) never launches. The idea that I've been full of hot air about writing a comic, and starting two businesses scares me. I just don't have a passion for what's in my life now and can't balance the risk of trying to insert some kind of spark. I guess I have to either wait until the risk is reduced or until I can't take the duldrums anymore.
At this point a don't have a good body image, and after trying a basic fitness test on a treadmill determined that I have almost no muscle mass in my shins. I'm in between hairstyles, meaning I wanted to try and grow my hair out long again so there is a substantial in-between period where I can make my hair look nice but I don''t like the image it gives of me (namly 10 years older). I hate the way my neck looks and while Hentai is trying to be sweet his reluctance to provide opinions makes me feel even more unappealing....
I also am feeling very adrift in the life plan area. I mentioned in a previous post feeling odd that its 2010 and I'm still here. Well the same can be said for "I got the degree", now what. I have too much debt to really push for a dynamic change like starting a business and making my life focus paying off the debt provides no inspiration or satisfaction. The classes I'm taking to earn a CPA are really my bosses idea and not a bad one for ensuring I have a backup plan if Plan A (Start a business) never launches. The idea that I've been full of hot air about writing a comic, and starting two businesses scares me. I just don't have a passion for what's in my life now and can't balance the risk of trying to insert some kind of spark. I guess I have to either wait until the risk is reduced or until I can't take the duldrums anymore.