(no subject)
Well I am still completely lost in the world, except now I have a better understanding of it.
Two days ago I was exhilarated. I planned on coming home and reading every single book containing the history of Germany and Russia, Jewish history, modern religious debates, political structures, philosophy, etc. and now all I can do is sit in my room and wonder if what I do will ever be more than a memory.
I have pictures of myself in 9 countries, and I look happy. There's something about a foreign place that makes me feel completely okay to be alone, and ironically more capable of opening up to people whom I know have no permanence in my life.
I don't know what it is, but I am unsettled, and I am torn between a feeling of happiness to be free and the need for something more intimate. This is not in the least bit a new feeling for me, but it is getting to the point where I can't stand myself and my own indecisiveness, the self-destructive tearing down at things which should just be able to happen naturally.
On a happier note, I have finally came to realize the full extent of my linguistic capablities. I have confidence that I can learn any language fluently if I actually apply myself, which is a very reassuring feeling considering the amount of traveling/living abroad that I plan on doing throughout the rest of my life.
Vi ses!
Two days ago I was exhilarated. I planned on coming home and reading every single book containing the history of Germany and Russia, Jewish history, modern religious debates, political structures, philosophy, etc. and now all I can do is sit in my room and wonder if what I do will ever be more than a memory.
I have pictures of myself in 9 countries, and I look happy. There's something about a foreign place that makes me feel completely okay to be alone, and ironically more capable of opening up to people whom I know have no permanence in my life.
I don't know what it is, but I am unsettled, and I am torn between a feeling of happiness to be free and the need for something more intimate. This is not in the least bit a new feeling for me, but it is getting to the point where I can't stand myself and my own indecisiveness, the self-destructive tearing down at things which should just be able to happen naturally.
On a happier note, I have finally came to realize the full extent of my linguistic capablities. I have confidence that I can learn any language fluently if I actually apply myself, which is a very reassuring feeling considering the amount of traveling/living abroad that I plan on doing throughout the rest of my life.
Vi ses!