I'm feeling oh-so loved.
Something was brought to my attention today.
"I don't think your mom really likes you that much."
Haha.
I started laughing, but...it's sort of true. I never get that feeling of being *loved* by my mom. And it's sort of painful, now taht I think about it, but before it just didn't matter.
"You do know you're a girl Meeghan, right?"
"I didn't think I'd have to worry about kissing with you."
"And here I thought you'd like girls."
Those are statements from my mom.
She walks away from arguements. We'll be arguing and she'll just walk away and leave me there crying.
She doesn't hug me unless I want a hug. She doesn't say I love you first, I have to say I love you, and then I have to say, "This is where you're supposed to say 'I love you too, Meeghan.' Understand?"
And she doesn't trust me. At all. She doesn't think I'll keep my promises. Every time Amanda and I are talking, and Amanda is joking and says, "Mrs. Gilchrist, Meeghan did..." And my mom will yell at me, and I'll tell her I didn't do it, and doesn't believe me. Amanda has to tell her I didn't really do it. And then she doesn't apologize.
She even believed Todd over me.
And she doesn't like Todd.
Think about this. My brother and his friend are in the room next to mine drinking Jack Daniels, most likely getting drunk. Nothing from my mom, and she knows that they are doing this. But I start biting my nails, sitting next to her, and I get yelled at and my mom threatens me if I bite my nails.
What the fuck?
Me and my mom don't get along.
We try.
It doesn't work.
And yet, I still can't hate her.
"I don't think your mom really likes you that much."
Haha.
I started laughing, but...it's sort of true. I never get that feeling of being *loved* by my mom. And it's sort of painful, now taht I think about it, but before it just didn't matter.
"You do know you're a girl Meeghan, right?"
"I didn't think I'd have to worry about kissing with you."
"And here I thought you'd like girls."
Those are statements from my mom.
She walks away from arguements. We'll be arguing and she'll just walk away and leave me there crying.
She doesn't hug me unless I want a hug. She doesn't say I love you first, I have to say I love you, and then I have to say, "This is where you're supposed to say 'I love you too, Meeghan.' Understand?"
And she doesn't trust me. At all. She doesn't think I'll keep my promises. Every time Amanda and I are talking, and Amanda is joking and says, "Mrs. Gilchrist, Meeghan did..." And my mom will yell at me, and I'll tell her I didn't do it, and doesn't believe me. Amanda has to tell her I didn't really do it. And then she doesn't apologize.
She even believed Todd over me.
And she doesn't like Todd.
Think about this. My brother and his friend are in the room next to mine drinking Jack Daniels, most likely getting drunk. Nothing from my mom, and she knows that they are doing this. But I start biting my nails, sitting next to her, and I get yelled at and my mom threatens me if I bite my nails.
What the fuck?
Me and my mom don't get along.
We try.
It doesn't work.
And yet, I still can't hate her.