(no subject)
So that guest setting pop up thing is getting pretty annoying...
I didn't get the job. Fucking hell. I kinda knew as soon as I left the interview though, I think you can just tell these things sometimes. I feel really lost - that job was the one I was most qualified for, like I had the most experience, skill sets etc for it, and I still didn't get it. Kinda makes me reluctant to apply for other jobs, cos if I can't get the one I fit perfectly for, why on earth would someone hire me for something less? Does that make sense? It does to me.
I always feel like I am waiting for people. Nic, mainly. Shes always at Rachels, which is fine, I'm happy for them ,really, but she is just so slack when they are together, always so late. Shes never been the best time keeper, but I think its just 'cos I'm not really doing an awful lot, it makes it obvious when I'm just sat round waiting for her to turn up...
Things with Adam are a bit shit. I've been trying to kid myself that they aren't, but, well, they are. It was really easy, really simple to begin with, which I -loved-. But now I'm doing that overthinking thing which I always do. Perhaps I'm just destined to be alone.
I know it sounds really ridiculously emo, or whatever, but I just don't see the point of me being here. Its not like I'm going to revert back to 2008 and try and top myself, but I just feel like my existance doesn't really count for an awful lot. I feel very much like a vegetable. There are days when I don't even leave the bed. Theres not really any reason to.
I don't want it to be like this, I want to be successful, I want to happy. I'm just not very good at mustering the motivation to achieve those sort of things. Just need to snap out of it and get over myself really.
Pride tomorrow, which I'm hoping will cheer me up. If its sunny, that is. I also think I suffer from S.A.D - seasonal affective disorder. The rain and crap weather does not help my mood.
Hmm.
I didn't get the job. Fucking hell. I kinda knew as soon as I left the interview though, I think you can just tell these things sometimes. I feel really lost - that job was the one I was most qualified for, like I had the most experience, skill sets etc for it, and I still didn't get it. Kinda makes me reluctant to apply for other jobs, cos if I can't get the one I fit perfectly for, why on earth would someone hire me for something less? Does that make sense? It does to me.
I always feel like I am waiting for people. Nic, mainly. Shes always at Rachels, which is fine, I'm happy for them ,really, but she is just so slack when they are together, always so late. Shes never been the best time keeper, but I think its just 'cos I'm not really doing an awful lot, it makes it obvious when I'm just sat round waiting for her to turn up...
Things with Adam are a bit shit. I've been trying to kid myself that they aren't, but, well, they are. It was really easy, really simple to begin with, which I -loved-. But now I'm doing that overthinking thing which I always do. Perhaps I'm just destined to be alone.
I know it sounds really ridiculously emo, or whatever, but I just don't see the point of me being here. Its not like I'm going to revert back to 2008 and try and top myself, but I just feel like my existance doesn't really count for an awful lot. I feel very much like a vegetable. There are days when I don't even leave the bed. Theres not really any reason to.
I don't want it to be like this, I want to be successful, I want to happy. I'm just not very good at mustering the motivation to achieve those sort of things. Just need to snap out of it and get over myself really.
Pride tomorrow, which I'm hoping will cheer me up. If its sunny, that is. I also think I suffer from S.A.D - seasonal affective disorder. The rain and crap weather does not help my mood.
Hmm.