(no subject)
i like feeling busy. i like it because it makes it so i can keep my mind off of things. things good or bad, just things. i like having a day go by in a blur, a lot might happen but i was running around the whole time and therefor can't really remember details. i like coming home and being tired, i feel satisfied then. i like making myself as unavailable as possible by working as much as i can and scheduling my days off with appointments and errands. a week will go by in what felt like just a couple of days and i love it. i think i'm this way because last summer was such a waste, i didn't do anything. literally. i over analyzed things because i had too much time on my hands and i felt taken for granted and pathetic. by trying to save myself from going through that again, i've jumped to the other end of the spectrum. i feel independent, fulfilled and more in control. and when i'm not... i'm too busy to notice. i'm scared to go back to school because my life will slow down and i'll have to start thinking again. shit.
i'm not too busy however, to have reoccurring thoughts about going somewhere where i don't know anyone. almost starting over in a way. being back in berkeley the world just keeps feeling like it's getting smaller, and whittier will be even worse. i think i need to be a nomad in a big city. more follow-up thoughts to come...
i'm not too busy however, to have reoccurring thoughts about going somewhere where i don't know anyone. almost starting over in a way. being back in berkeley the world just keeps feeling like it's getting smaller, and whittier will be even worse. i think i need to be a nomad in a big city. more follow-up thoughts to come...