I am the god of war.

[the_solid_snake]

The Solid Snake (3:49:07 AM): dude, in MGO TDM, im ranked 779th out of 40138 players. im telling everyone

Unbelievable!  That's the 98th percentile, son.  Here's your haiku:

Metal Gear Online...
I'm the best in Team Deathmatch.
Or, eight-hundredth best.

EDIT: Now 631 out of 41835!