Fic: Lives Are For Living. (14/35)
Title Lives Are For Living. (14/35)
Fandoms Torchwood/Being Human crossover fic.
Characters/pairings Andy Davidson/Tom McNair. Other Torchwood and Being Human characters will appear later on.
Word count: This part 2475. (Total posted 29,325 /65,000)
Rating This part M (adult over all)
Contains Mentions of depression/anxiety. Mentions of past canon major character death. Mention of minor character death - not canon. In later parts canon level violence, graphic sex, Andy's homophobic mother. Spoilers for Being Human (UK version) up to series 5 episode 3, and for Torchwood up to Children of Earth.
A/N: Crossover with Being Human. Technically a CoE fix it as it's set in the same 'verse as Finding Ways To Smile Again (although that isn't apparent until about 2/3 the way through the story). Follows on from Break and Breakaway from Tom McNair's POV - which is where it breaks from Being Human canon.
Summary
After being pushed out of the police force following the events of Children of Earth, Andy Davidson tries to build a new life for himself in the deep in the Welsh countryside.
Tom McNair walked out off his old life after realising it wasn't what he needed.
A chance meeting would take their lives in directions that they had never expected and bring them love that they'd not thought they'd find.
Starts here: http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/214504.html
The days following Andy's accident flew past as far as Tom was concerned, although he suspected that they'd dragged horribly for Andy who'd spent much of the first week sitting miserably on the sofa, trying to find things to do which didn't require him to move. For himself, trying to get everything ready for the solar installation people had been hard work.
With Andy unable to do any of the heavy lifting, Tom found himself working from dawn until dusk most days, with any breaks he took spent getting food for them both and making sure Andy was alright. Even with the fact that the installation date had ended up being moved week later than it initially should have been because it had been to wet for the van to get up the track to the farmhouse to deliver what was needed, it had still been a rush to get it all ready on time.
He'd managed it in the end and he'd not minded the hard work or spending time with Andy, Tom thought as he walked through the woods high above the farm. A sore and bored Andy had still been far easier to deal with than Hal had been when he'd coming off the blood, not least because this had a definite end to it with Andy getting better. The fact that Andy hadn't sworn at him, threatened him or raved in detail about how he wanted to massacre whole towns and bathe in their inhabitants blood had been a definite a bonus. Two weeks with a detoxing vampire had really been unpleasant experience for all concerned.
That Hal had gone back on his word almost straight away and had even turned somebody else in to a vampire despite him promising not to, had shaken Tom's trust in whatever it was that had been slowly growing between them. He still liked him, liked the confusing, irritating man that was still non the less fun to be around, but always at the back of his mind would be the fact that when it came down to it, when things were at their hardest, Hal would always be a vampire and that in the end that would always win.
Now, three weeks on from the accident and Andy's confession about why he'd been so horrible to him and why he'd left the police force, things where starting to get back to normal. Or at least as normal as it got for him, Tom thought as he looked around, checking that he was alone.
Although it was a little more than half an hour after dawn the woodland around him was already sunlit, the bright beams of light filtering through the leaves and sparkling on the surface of the stream. Satisfied that nobody was watching, Tom left the bag containing his clothes on the bank, before climbing down into the water.
The with the summer nights remaining light until late and transformation never starting until after the sun had set, Tom had found it easy say he was going to get an early night and then slip away and follow the scent trail he'd laid the previous night. Washing off the grime and remains of the wolf's meal before returning to the farm was a sensible precaution, Tom had decided after waking and seeing the state of himself, if he wanted Andy to believe that he'd spent the whole night asleep in his tent.
It was how it must have been for George and Nina in the months before things started going wrong, Tom thought, picking up his flannel and soap from where he'd left them on the bank. You could live your life around the wolf if you were careful, you didn't have to let it fill up your whole world. It got its night to run free and you got to your live you life like a normal person.
It was, in a way, what he'd imagined having with Allison. They'd get their own house which had woodland nearby and somewhere safe to change inside if there was some reason they couldn't change outdoors. The old coal cellar in the farmhouse would make a good place to change when the weather got too dicey to risk changing out of doors.
Despite the obvious differences it felt right comparing the situation with himself and Andy to George and Nina or him and Allison. He liked Andy, liked him in the way he'd liked Allison, and if the last couple of dreams he'd had were anything to go by he definitely wanted to do things with Andy. Relationship things. He felt himself blush, cheeks growing hot at the memory.
It wasn't the only part of him that remembered, and Tom let his hand, soapy from where he'd started to wash his hair, drop lower. He might be waiting for the right person to come along before he did this with them, he told himself, but it was always good to make sure it was all working properly, at least a few times a week.
He'd really thought Allison had been the one. He'd kissed her and she'd kissed him and they'd done a bit of touching and it had been a lot of fun, but they'd not got any further than taking their shoes and Allison's glasses off, they'd both found that they hadn't been ready for it.
It would be different with Andy, Tom thought, closing his eyes, hand speeding up. Andy was a few years older than him, he'd probably had a girlfriend or boyfriend before, he'd know what he was doing, be able to show him how to do it right. He stopped. What if they started something doing something and he still wasn't ready for it and they had to stop? Knowing that he'd disappointed him would be crushing. Or what Andy thought he was rubbish? What if he laughed at him?
Mood thoroughly killed, Tom dipped his head into the cold, clear water, and rinsed the soap from his hair. And then there was the wolf, he thought bitterly, there was always the wolf lurking there at the edge of everything. Would it be right for him to get into any kind of more than friends relationship with Andy without him knowing about it? On the other hand it was only for a few hours one night a month and it wasn't like Andy could catch being a werewolf from him unless he got bitten or scratched while he was a wolf, at which point him surviving the encounter was probably the bigger issue.
Tom sighed and rubbed his hand across his short cropped hair, feeling the thick scars on his scalp that he'd received during the attack that had turned him into a werewolf. Perhaps it would be safer if Andy never knew the truth. He was a nice bloke and he understood how life could sometimes be give you a rough hand, but expecting him to be fine with sharing a bed with a werewolf? That was asking too much anybody.
The best he could hope for if Andy found out what he was was being told to leave and never come back. The worse case scenario was that Andy reported it to somebody and government agency his dad had warned him about once caught him. He would end up locked in cell for the rest of his life. He knew some people would say that the worst option would be dying, but to be locked inside, seeing nobody but your jailers, never going out in the sun or walking through the woods again, that was worse than death in his mind.
After getting dressed, Tom walked slowly back to the farm, trying to convince himself that it would be for the best if nothing happened between him and Andy. That he should just accept the fact that he was just being stupid about wanting a normal life like people had rather than the weird, messed up approximation of one that unnatural things like him got to have.
It didn't work and by the time he reached his tent and dropped of his pack, Tom had decided that he should ask Andy if he wanted to go out for a drink and a meal. If Andy asked if it were a date as he'd done the previous time, he'd say yes, and hope like mad that everything would go okay from there. If Andy didn't ask he'd not lost anything, and there was always the possibility that perhaps if they had a few drinks he might get up the nerve to just kiss him and worry about the consequences later.
The farm was busy as Tom reached it, scaffolding being erected around the south facing sides barn and farmhouse, the men installing it talking loudly to each other as they lifted the metal poles into place.
Any idea finding a quiet moment and asking Andy out rapidly faded. They did need the panels, Tom told himself trying to be reasonable about it, but he'd not thought they'd been there for a few more days, that he'd have peace and quiet a bit longer. Disappointed, but trying not to show it walked over to Andy. “They're a bit early aren't they, so how long do they reckon it's gonna take?”
Andy gave him a baffled look. “It nearly ten, it's not that early. They said they should be done by late afternoon, although they'll have to come back later in the week with the storage battery for the house, as they one they brought will only work with the panels on the barn.”
“That's good,” Tom said, not entirely sure that it was the right answer. “But I thought they weren't 'spose to be here until next week.”
“No, the nineteenth it's been on the calendar for ages, well at least since I rebooked it.” He frowned. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” Tom said faintly, the date feeling like a punch in the gut. How could it have crept up on his with out him noticing? A whole year since he'd found his dad, had lost him and had failed to kill the vampire that had taken him from him.
“You don't look it,” Andy said, sounding worried as he took a step towards him.
“I just had a crap nights sleep, that's all,” Tom replied, staring down at his feet, wanting nothing more than to be alone for a while.
“It's that bloody dog again,” Andy said turning to look across the valley. “I reckon it's somebody with a holiday home, you hear it every few weeks.”
“Yeah,” Tom replied faintly, realising that he'd have to go further into the hills and mountains to change next time. If Andy could here him, so could other people and it was a scarily thin line in his mind between people hearing him and the wolf getting its teeth and claws into them. “Don't you like dogs, then?”
Before Andy could answer one of the men on the scaffolding on the house called out to him about where he wanted the wiring to come through the roof so the power supply could be connected properly.
“I just came to tell you that I'm going to go take a look at the wall along the edge of the wood, see if there's anything that needs doing,” Tom said taking advantage of the fact that Andy was momentarily distracted.“There ain't much I can do here while all that's up.” He pointed at the scaffolding. “I'd only be in the way.”
“If you're sure,” Andy said, not sounding convinced. “If you need some more sleep, I don't mind. I can manage to watch other people work without hurting myself you know.”
Letting Andy think he was tired seemed like a good idea, so he nodded and said, “Yeah. I might just do that.”
The drystone wall at the edge of the wood was in need of repair, but after pulling half-heartedly at a few of the loose stones Tom gave up and sat down with his back again the time-worn, mossy stonework. Feeling more lost and alone than he had done in a long time and more desperately in need of advice from his dad about so many things in his life, Tom let the grief overwhelm him, the bright sunlit woodland blurring in a haze to tears around him.
Tom knew he must have fallen asleep at some point, as when he opened his eyes the shadows had grown long, the excessive heat of the day cooling as evening drew in. Looking down at the farmhouse from the wooded slopes of the hill he could see the scaffolding and the installation team were gone and the solar panels were in place. The dark blue and silver of the panels glinted in the evening sunlight, making them look strange and out of place against the slate roof of the old farmhouse. If it meant not having to rely on the noisy and smelly generator all the time he was happy to put up with them.
Walking back to the farmhouse, Tom hesitated at the door, not really wanting to go inside or feeling sociable. Leaning back against the ancient stonework of the farmhouse he looked out across the valley and sighed. He couldn't leave Andy alone any longer than he already had done, it wasn't fair. He should ask how the installation went, if there was any more work that needed to be done on the house or the barn. He should check to make sure that Andy hadn't over done things, and if he had, persuade him to actually take one of the painkillers the doctor had given him, even if they did seem to make him ridiculously sleepy.
“There you are,” Andy said sounding relieved as Tom let himself into the house. Standing by the range, he put the lid back on the saucepan he'd he'd been stirring. “I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.”
“No, I were just busy, that's all,” Tom replied worried that Andy would notice how rough his voice sounded. It wasn't right to expect Andy to have to deal with him being upset, Tom thought, turning back towards the door. He wasn't completely better from his accident yet and he had enough of his own problems without having to hear about any more.
He heard the spoon Andy had been using to stir whatever was for dinner get dropped on the table and his obviously worried sharp intake of breath, and his shoulders slumped, there was no way he was just going to be able to get away without some form of explanation. Sitting down on the sofa, Tom waited for the inevitable questions that would follow.
Part 15 http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/220699.html
Fandoms Torchwood/Being Human crossover fic.
Characters/pairings Andy Davidson/Tom McNair. Other Torchwood and Being Human characters will appear later on.
Word count: This part 2475. (Total posted 29,325 /65,000)
Rating This part M (adult over all)
Contains Mentions of depression/anxiety. Mentions of past canon major character death. Mention of minor character death - not canon. In later parts canon level violence, graphic sex, Andy's homophobic mother. Spoilers for Being Human (UK version) up to series 5 episode 3, and for Torchwood up to Children of Earth.
A/N: Crossover with Being Human. Technically a CoE fix it as it's set in the same 'verse as Finding Ways To Smile Again (although that isn't apparent until about 2/3 the way through the story). Follows on from Break and Breakaway from Tom McNair's POV - which is where it breaks from Being Human canon.
Summary
After being pushed out of the police force following the events of Children of Earth, Andy Davidson tries to build a new life for himself in the deep in the Welsh countryside.
Tom McNair walked out off his old life after realising it wasn't what he needed.
A chance meeting would take their lives in directions that they had never expected and bring them love that they'd not thought they'd find.
Starts here: http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/214504.html
The days following Andy's accident flew past as far as Tom was concerned, although he suspected that they'd dragged horribly for Andy who'd spent much of the first week sitting miserably on the sofa, trying to find things to do which didn't require him to move. For himself, trying to get everything ready for the solar installation people had been hard work.
With Andy unable to do any of the heavy lifting, Tom found himself working from dawn until dusk most days, with any breaks he took spent getting food for them both and making sure Andy was alright. Even with the fact that the installation date had ended up being moved week later than it initially should have been because it had been to wet for the van to get up the track to the farmhouse to deliver what was needed, it had still been a rush to get it all ready on time.
He'd managed it in the end and he'd not minded the hard work or spending time with Andy, Tom thought as he walked through the woods high above the farm. A sore and bored Andy had still been far easier to deal with than Hal had been when he'd coming off the blood, not least because this had a definite end to it with Andy getting better. The fact that Andy hadn't sworn at him, threatened him or raved in detail about how he wanted to massacre whole towns and bathe in their inhabitants blood had been a definite a bonus. Two weeks with a detoxing vampire had really been unpleasant experience for all concerned.
That Hal had gone back on his word almost straight away and had even turned somebody else in to a vampire despite him promising not to, had shaken Tom's trust in whatever it was that had been slowly growing between them. He still liked him, liked the confusing, irritating man that was still non the less fun to be around, but always at the back of his mind would be the fact that when it came down to it, when things were at their hardest, Hal would always be a vampire and that in the end that would always win.
Now, three weeks on from the accident and Andy's confession about why he'd been so horrible to him and why he'd left the police force, things where starting to get back to normal. Or at least as normal as it got for him, Tom thought as he looked around, checking that he was alone.
Although it was a little more than half an hour after dawn the woodland around him was already sunlit, the bright beams of light filtering through the leaves and sparkling on the surface of the stream. Satisfied that nobody was watching, Tom left the bag containing his clothes on the bank, before climbing down into the water.
The with the summer nights remaining light until late and transformation never starting until after the sun had set, Tom had found it easy say he was going to get an early night and then slip away and follow the scent trail he'd laid the previous night. Washing off the grime and remains of the wolf's meal before returning to the farm was a sensible precaution, Tom had decided after waking and seeing the state of himself, if he wanted Andy to believe that he'd spent the whole night asleep in his tent.
It was how it must have been for George and Nina in the months before things started going wrong, Tom thought, picking up his flannel and soap from where he'd left them on the bank. You could live your life around the wolf if you were careful, you didn't have to let it fill up your whole world. It got its night to run free and you got to your live you life like a normal person.
It was, in a way, what he'd imagined having with Allison. They'd get their own house which had woodland nearby and somewhere safe to change inside if there was some reason they couldn't change outdoors. The old coal cellar in the farmhouse would make a good place to change when the weather got too dicey to risk changing out of doors.
Despite the obvious differences it felt right comparing the situation with himself and Andy to George and Nina or him and Allison. He liked Andy, liked him in the way he'd liked Allison, and if the last couple of dreams he'd had were anything to go by he definitely wanted to do things with Andy. Relationship things. He felt himself blush, cheeks growing hot at the memory.
It wasn't the only part of him that remembered, and Tom let his hand, soapy from where he'd started to wash his hair, drop lower. He might be waiting for the right person to come along before he did this with them, he told himself, but it was always good to make sure it was all working properly, at least a few times a week.
He'd really thought Allison had been the one. He'd kissed her and she'd kissed him and they'd done a bit of touching and it had been a lot of fun, but they'd not got any further than taking their shoes and Allison's glasses off, they'd both found that they hadn't been ready for it.
It would be different with Andy, Tom thought, closing his eyes, hand speeding up. Andy was a few years older than him, he'd probably had a girlfriend or boyfriend before, he'd know what he was doing, be able to show him how to do it right. He stopped. What if they started something doing something and he still wasn't ready for it and they had to stop? Knowing that he'd disappointed him would be crushing. Or what Andy thought he was rubbish? What if he laughed at him?
Mood thoroughly killed, Tom dipped his head into the cold, clear water, and rinsed the soap from his hair. And then there was the wolf, he thought bitterly, there was always the wolf lurking there at the edge of everything. Would it be right for him to get into any kind of more than friends relationship with Andy without him knowing about it? On the other hand it was only for a few hours one night a month and it wasn't like Andy could catch being a werewolf from him unless he got bitten or scratched while he was a wolf, at which point him surviving the encounter was probably the bigger issue.
Tom sighed and rubbed his hand across his short cropped hair, feeling the thick scars on his scalp that he'd received during the attack that had turned him into a werewolf. Perhaps it would be safer if Andy never knew the truth. He was a nice bloke and he understood how life could sometimes be give you a rough hand, but expecting him to be fine with sharing a bed with a werewolf? That was asking too much anybody.
The best he could hope for if Andy found out what he was was being told to leave and never come back. The worse case scenario was that Andy reported it to somebody and government agency his dad had warned him about once caught him. He would end up locked in cell for the rest of his life. He knew some people would say that the worst option would be dying, but to be locked inside, seeing nobody but your jailers, never going out in the sun or walking through the woods again, that was worse than death in his mind.
After getting dressed, Tom walked slowly back to the farm, trying to convince himself that it would be for the best if nothing happened between him and Andy. That he should just accept the fact that he was just being stupid about wanting a normal life like people had rather than the weird, messed up approximation of one that unnatural things like him got to have.
It didn't work and by the time he reached his tent and dropped of his pack, Tom had decided that he should ask Andy if he wanted to go out for a drink and a meal. If Andy asked if it were a date as he'd done the previous time, he'd say yes, and hope like mad that everything would go okay from there. If Andy didn't ask he'd not lost anything, and there was always the possibility that perhaps if they had a few drinks he might get up the nerve to just kiss him and worry about the consequences later.
The farm was busy as Tom reached it, scaffolding being erected around the south facing sides barn and farmhouse, the men installing it talking loudly to each other as they lifted the metal poles into place.
Any idea finding a quiet moment and asking Andy out rapidly faded. They did need the panels, Tom told himself trying to be reasonable about it, but he'd not thought they'd been there for a few more days, that he'd have peace and quiet a bit longer. Disappointed, but trying not to show it walked over to Andy. “They're a bit early aren't they, so how long do they reckon it's gonna take?”
Andy gave him a baffled look. “It nearly ten, it's not that early. They said they should be done by late afternoon, although they'll have to come back later in the week with the storage battery for the house, as they one they brought will only work with the panels on the barn.”
“That's good,” Tom said, not entirely sure that it was the right answer. “But I thought they weren't 'spose to be here until next week.”
“No, the nineteenth it's been on the calendar for ages, well at least since I rebooked it.” He frowned. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” Tom said faintly, the date feeling like a punch in the gut. How could it have crept up on his with out him noticing? A whole year since he'd found his dad, had lost him and had failed to kill the vampire that had taken him from him.
“You don't look it,” Andy said, sounding worried as he took a step towards him.
“I just had a crap nights sleep, that's all,” Tom replied, staring down at his feet, wanting nothing more than to be alone for a while.
“It's that bloody dog again,” Andy said turning to look across the valley. “I reckon it's somebody with a holiday home, you hear it every few weeks.”
“Yeah,” Tom replied faintly, realising that he'd have to go further into the hills and mountains to change next time. If Andy could here him, so could other people and it was a scarily thin line in his mind between people hearing him and the wolf getting its teeth and claws into them. “Don't you like dogs, then?”
Before Andy could answer one of the men on the scaffolding on the house called out to him about where he wanted the wiring to come through the roof so the power supply could be connected properly.
“I just came to tell you that I'm going to go take a look at the wall along the edge of the wood, see if there's anything that needs doing,” Tom said taking advantage of the fact that Andy was momentarily distracted.“There ain't much I can do here while all that's up.” He pointed at the scaffolding. “I'd only be in the way.”
“If you're sure,” Andy said, not sounding convinced. “If you need some more sleep, I don't mind. I can manage to watch other people work without hurting myself you know.”
Letting Andy think he was tired seemed like a good idea, so he nodded and said, “Yeah. I might just do that.”
The drystone wall at the edge of the wood was in need of repair, but after pulling half-heartedly at a few of the loose stones Tom gave up and sat down with his back again the time-worn, mossy stonework. Feeling more lost and alone than he had done in a long time and more desperately in need of advice from his dad about so many things in his life, Tom let the grief overwhelm him, the bright sunlit woodland blurring in a haze to tears around him.
Tom knew he must have fallen asleep at some point, as when he opened his eyes the shadows had grown long, the excessive heat of the day cooling as evening drew in. Looking down at the farmhouse from the wooded slopes of the hill he could see the scaffolding and the installation team were gone and the solar panels were in place. The dark blue and silver of the panels glinted in the evening sunlight, making them look strange and out of place against the slate roof of the old farmhouse. If it meant not having to rely on the noisy and smelly generator all the time he was happy to put up with them.
Walking back to the farmhouse, Tom hesitated at the door, not really wanting to go inside or feeling sociable. Leaning back against the ancient stonework of the farmhouse he looked out across the valley and sighed. He couldn't leave Andy alone any longer than he already had done, it wasn't fair. He should ask how the installation went, if there was any more work that needed to be done on the house or the barn. He should check to make sure that Andy hadn't over done things, and if he had, persuade him to actually take one of the painkillers the doctor had given him, even if they did seem to make him ridiculously sleepy.
“There you are,” Andy said sounding relieved as Tom let himself into the house. Standing by the range, he put the lid back on the saucepan he'd he'd been stirring. “I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.”
“No, I were just busy, that's all,” Tom replied worried that Andy would notice how rough his voice sounded. It wasn't right to expect Andy to have to deal with him being upset, Tom thought, turning back towards the door. He wasn't completely better from his accident yet and he had enough of his own problems without having to hear about any more.
He heard the spoon Andy had been using to stir whatever was for dinner get dropped on the table and his obviously worried sharp intake of breath, and his shoulders slumped, there was no way he was just going to be able to get away without some form of explanation. Sitting down on the sofa, Tom waited for the inevitable questions that would follow.
Part 15 http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/220699.html