(no subject)
So... Starting today I may not be out in my car for a while.
I'm not pulling out texts but, I left San Marcos and broke up with the girlfriend. I told her, "I still really care about you. I like you. I enjoy you, but I want someone who doesn't walk away when bad things happen. I solved the problem myself, and driving home, I realized that I waited out there alone again, like I always did. I'm not blaming my situation on you, but I feel like I am on my own. So... I think it would be best if we didn't act otherwise." That's basically what I said, and yeah... I think she would prefer a text, too, that way she can go throw up, and cut herself, and have a panic attack.
It makes me selfish that I don't want to be the person who is always ignored because your mental disorder? I Can't do it for you. I Can't help you. I'm the fucking needy one for Christ's sake, but at least I am willing to stay with through terrible times, whereas she just abandons me there? Fuck that, no it doesn't.
If you want to be technical, this is the first girl I have ever actually broken up with. She won't talk to me anymore today.
I felt immediate regret and thought, "Wait, I shouldn't have done that. Now I am alone, and when it's nice, it is nice," but then I thought, "But remember how it feels when she leaves you there, after you've sat there with her through ever panic attack." And you don't text back. Panic alone.
I'm not selfish.
I picked up a bad habit from the streets I have to kick: No crack, no dope, no speed, no drugs in the world; in fact, I'm as sober as a bowl of chronic smoked all by its lonesome. No, I keep on my toes.
I'm a thief. I steal. I watch. I see every opening, every cover, and I know what to do to test out a possible mark. I'm a social fucking engineer. And I learned this on the street. I'm not the street anymore. There's no need to live like that.
But as I look at the wallet full of money, I say, "No more stealing. Stealing is for people who have to steal to survive death, like IFF"
And you know I kicked smoking more than two or three weeks ago or something. I can kick anything, and if I must, I will..
I'm not pulling out texts but, I left San Marcos and broke up with the girlfriend. I told her, "I still really care about you. I like you. I enjoy you, but I want someone who doesn't walk away when bad things happen. I solved the problem myself, and driving home, I realized that I waited out there alone again, like I always did. I'm not blaming my situation on you, but I feel like I am on my own. So... I think it would be best if we didn't act otherwise." That's basically what I said, and yeah... I think she would prefer a text, too, that way she can go throw up, and cut herself, and have a panic attack.
It makes me selfish that I don't want to be the person who is always ignored because your mental disorder? I Can't do it for you. I Can't help you. I'm the fucking needy one for Christ's sake, but at least I am willing to stay with through terrible times, whereas she just abandons me there? Fuck that, no it doesn't.
If you want to be technical, this is the first girl I have ever actually broken up with. She won't talk to me anymore today.
I felt immediate regret and thought, "Wait, I shouldn't have done that. Now I am alone, and when it's nice, it is nice," but then I thought, "But remember how it feels when she leaves you there, after you've sat there with her through ever panic attack." And you don't text back. Panic alone.
I'm not selfish.
I picked up a bad habit from the streets I have to kick: No crack, no dope, no speed, no drugs in the world; in fact, I'm as sober as a bowl of chronic smoked all by its lonesome. No, I keep on my toes.
I'm a thief. I steal. I watch. I see every opening, every cover, and I know what to do to test out a possible mark. I'm a social fucking engineer. And I learned this on the street. I'm not the street anymore. There's no need to live like that.
But as I look at the wallet full of money, I say, "No more stealing. Stealing is for people who have to steal to survive death, like IFF"
And you know I kicked smoking more than two or three weeks ago or something. I can kick anything, and if I must, I will..