Haunting my Thoughts
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If I walk down this hallway tonight it's too quiet
So I pad through the dark and call you on the phone
Push your old numbers and let your house ring
'Til I wake your ghost
Let him walk down your hallway
It's not this quiet
Slide down your receiver, sprint across the wire
Follow my number and slide into my hand
It's the blaze across your nightgown
It's the phone's ring
I think last night, you were driving circles around me
~ Greg Laswell
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I was lying in bed and my phone rang. I answer it and much to my surprise my Mom's voice is on the other end sounding as if the last year and few months have not occurred.
"Hi Honey. How are you?"
"um.... I am alright. ..."
"It has been a while since you have visited me."
"Yeah... Mom, you died. You died November 17, 2010."
"No I didn't. How could you say such a thing?!?"
"Mom. I'm sorry. I love you, but you did die."
Mom gets all hysterical and is crying. I sat on the phone and felt so sad that I told her. How could I crush her like that? How did she not know?
My boss, Patty Valli, opened my bedroom door, peeked in and said "I am just checking to see if you are ok." I look at her and had an expression of sadness and worry on my face and point to the phone I am holding. Patty didn't even have to listen to who called or what was said. She just gave me a hug and held me saying into my ear, "Sometimes, you just have to let go." Then she backed away and said "Alright, I have a few more people I need to check on" before exiting my room and shutting my door leaving me in the dark.
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I've got a dream of your face
that scares me awake
I put too much on my table
and now i got too much at stake
~ Ani DiFranco
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I am in a cabin located in the middle of nowhere with nothing but sunshine, green grass, and another cabin about a 500 yards away. I am wearing a robe and have a hair dryer, curling iron, brush, and gel in my hands. I need to walk to the other cabin to do my hair. As I am walking across the grass I notice the grass seems to be over watered. I trudge on. The water is now up to my ankles and continuing to rise. Ankle deep turns into waist deep and the water is now dark, murky, swamp-like. There are also a few bees flying around. Treading water still trying to make it to the cabin which appears to be in tack despite the swamp-like water. I turn around and make my way back to the cabin I was originally in.
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And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
~ Evanescence
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Needless to say I did not get a lot of sleep last night.
I remember a lot of my dreams and about 85% of them are nightmarish and I wish I did not recall them in the morning, nor have them wake me at 2:30am. I have never had a dream that involved me speaking with someone over the phone. Mom's name was Patty along with my boss' name. It was odd to have my Mom in a hysterical state and my boss was the calming presence.
The water symbolizes the unconscious emotional state. My murky water is a representation of negative emotions. The fact that I continued to try and trudge forward but then turn around and make my way out of it hopefully means that I am washing myself of the negative emotions.
Can time heal all wounds?