never was a time for us
i can't believe that i actually fooled myself into feeling something for someone. into falling for someone again. i said that i wouldn't do it again because falling for someone is painful. it sucks. it's not fun. well. it IS fun, while it lasts. but after awhile, you learn that even good things must come to an end.
there's no way to go back now. even if we pretend like things are back to normal, there's no way i can forget about the things that were said. how i said that he changed and he denied it. how he called me a bitch and said that he "kind of wants to dump me". well then fucking do it. don't just sit there and be a sarcastic asshole some more.
it was so ideal for so long. that was the problem. we never should have crossed the line between best friends and more then friends, because that kind of thing NEVER works. you should stay in one place or another, anything more is just asking for trouble. and now i'm afraid that after all the nasty things that were said, we won't be able to be either. and that really sucks.
reading back over what i've written, it sounds so over-dramatic and retarded. but i have to say, i really did fall hard for the kid. it's been a long time. i've felt so strongly about him for so long...now that it's on the edge of being over, i feel really...hollow. like, i can't think.
he says that i'm a bitch. and that i bitch about him all the time about everything. everything! that it's my fault that he's a dick. that he's sarcastic. that all he talks about is getting drunk. how is that something that i'm responsible for?
i don't want it to end. it's not something that anyone ever wants to see. i thought we had a future. i thought that we were good enough to last. at least last longer than this. but when i voice my concerns, about how he doesn't ever want to come home, it turns into my fault for not driving up there every fucking weekend. it's NOT all about HIM. relationships are a two-way street. TWO. WAYS. it takes the effort of two people to make it work. and apparently I am not pulling MY weight. i'm just the bitch that nags him for everything. well you know what. FUCK THAT.
if it's that much of a problem, break it OFF. break it off and save us all the misery.
he doesn't care about me anymore. and if he does at all, it's not like it used to be, no matter if he wants to admit it or not. things are not the same and the damage is irreparable. but that doesn't mean i'm ready to have it be over forever. i'm losing my boyfriend AND my best friend.
and i still fucking love him.
so what comes next?
there's no way to go back now. even if we pretend like things are back to normal, there's no way i can forget about the things that were said. how i said that he changed and he denied it. how he called me a bitch and said that he "kind of wants to dump me". well then fucking do it. don't just sit there and be a sarcastic asshole some more.
it was so ideal for so long. that was the problem. we never should have crossed the line between best friends and more then friends, because that kind of thing NEVER works. you should stay in one place or another, anything more is just asking for trouble. and now i'm afraid that after all the nasty things that were said, we won't be able to be either. and that really sucks.
reading back over what i've written, it sounds so over-dramatic and retarded. but i have to say, i really did fall hard for the kid. it's been a long time. i've felt so strongly about him for so long...now that it's on the edge of being over, i feel really...hollow. like, i can't think.
he says that i'm a bitch. and that i bitch about him all the time about everything. everything! that it's my fault that he's a dick. that he's sarcastic. that all he talks about is getting drunk. how is that something that i'm responsible for?
i don't want it to end. it's not something that anyone ever wants to see. i thought we had a future. i thought that we were good enough to last. at least last longer than this. but when i voice my concerns, about how he doesn't ever want to come home, it turns into my fault for not driving up there every fucking weekend. it's NOT all about HIM. relationships are a two-way street. TWO. WAYS. it takes the effort of two people to make it work. and apparently I am not pulling MY weight. i'm just the bitch that nags him for everything. well you know what. FUCK THAT.
if it's that much of a problem, break it OFF. break it off and save us all the misery.
he doesn't care about me anymore. and if he does at all, it's not like it used to be, no matter if he wants to admit it or not. things are not the same and the damage is irreparable. but that doesn't mean i'm ready to have it be over forever. i'm losing my boyfriend AND my best friend.
and i still fucking love him.
so what comes next?