(no subject)
It's the worst feeling in the world; losing complete trust in someone.
The mere thought of talking to him makes me sick to my stomach; I wouldn't be able to take it.
I'm so angry right now I'm shaking. I'm angry that I didn't see it coming, I didn't read all of the signs that were right in front of me. I feel so stupid. I feel crushed even though I've never really respected him, but he's sunken even lower in the way I view him.
Why? Because he's backstabbed my whole family. Going behind our backs for months, trying to hide it, pretending that everything was alright, and that whole time he was re-living something he's already been through, re-living something that tore his first family apart, something he swore he'd never go back to. And he has; he's had another relapse, and this time it really hurts. The last time he had a relapse I was eight, I wouldn't have understood much, so my mom didn't tell me. He got into a car accident, my sister found out, who told my stepmom. Hayley said if he ever drank again she would divorce him. And I know she's not going to. I wish she would, so she could get out of it now. It took my mom thirteen years.
Apparently he's going to support groups again and "getting back on track", but I think it's all bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. He's always going to be the same no matter what. He's always going to tempted to drink when Hayley is out of town, or when no one's home. There's always going to be a relapse. And part of me believes he's going to end up like his own father; unhappy, drunk, and wasting away in a trailer by himself until his death. I know it's horrible to even think about that, but if Hayley and him get a divorce, he could plummet down.
my mom just told me an hour ago that my dad started drinking again, and we talked for a while, just about everything, but I still needed to vent somewhere and get it out in writing.
But hey, there's an upside to this ordeal; it's helping me write poetry for that family/heritage piece of crap assignment.
The mere thought of talking to him makes me sick to my stomach; I wouldn't be able to take it.
I'm so angry right now I'm shaking. I'm angry that I didn't see it coming, I didn't read all of the signs that were right in front of me. I feel so stupid. I feel crushed even though I've never really respected him, but he's sunken even lower in the way I view him.
Why? Because he's backstabbed my whole family. Going behind our backs for months, trying to hide it, pretending that everything was alright, and that whole time he was re-living something he's already been through, re-living something that tore his first family apart, something he swore he'd never go back to. And he has; he's had another relapse, and this time it really hurts. The last time he had a relapse I was eight, I wouldn't have understood much, so my mom didn't tell me. He got into a car accident, my sister found out, who told my stepmom. Hayley said if he ever drank again she would divorce him. And I know she's not going to. I wish she would, so she could get out of it now. It took my mom thirteen years.
Apparently he's going to support groups again and "getting back on track", but I think it's all bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. He's always going to be the same no matter what. He's always going to tempted to drink when Hayley is out of town, or when no one's home. There's always going to be a relapse. And part of me believes he's going to end up like his own father; unhappy, drunk, and wasting away in a trailer by himself until his death. I know it's horrible to even think about that, but if Hayley and him get a divorce, he could plummet down.
my mom just told me an hour ago that my dad started drinking again, and we talked for a while, just about everything, but I still needed to vent somewhere and get it out in writing.
But hey, there's an upside to this ordeal; it's helping me write poetry for that family/heritage piece of crap assignment.