Surgery- day 1

Sep 11, 2017 10:12


I'm feeling really super down lately.  I am feeling very alone and not being kind to myself. Between you and I , I did take more than a handful of meds and drank allot the other night and thought I won't care if I woke up or not- just kept taking more and more pills and spacing them out so I wouldn't throw them up. Just treated it as a gamble and left it in Gods hands. He apparently still wants me here as here I am- so I will try to be less self destructive.
SURGERY: Foot surgery is complete. The surgery was easy.. it was the parents and the aftermath that made it hard. For some weird and fucked up reason my pops decided he wanted to be involved. (eye roll). I don't get it... the man never leaves the house, fears it, doesn't interact well with people even at the house and yet the one time I really don't want him there, he decides to step up and be a father.
My parents are the Castanza's. They argue and bicker constantly and are loud when they do it. From the minute I woke up on surgery day they began calling from the car (they were my drivers and Rich would be picking me up from their house). Pops is screaming that their GPS wont work and I am trying to give easy directions but he kept telling me he couldn't hear me. It had nothing to do with the phone, my mum sitting beside him could hear me fine. So NOW I am yelling at the top of my lungs directions to my house. Once they arrived they had to argue with me about how I packed my clothes (in two carrying bags. They brought a suitcase and wanted me to transfer my things into it. I felt like a kid in highschool.. embarrassed. I try to appear to be low maintained and here they are making me move into this huge suit case to take to Laguna's house. I felt like he was going to be overwhelmed like I was trying to move in with him permanently instead of staying for a month. I only packed maybe 9 outfits and now I had this massive suitcase on wheels... and the zipper would stick to make it even worse.
The parents fought before we even left my garage. I wanted one last smoke and my pops started making the stink face to the point my mum had to treat him like a child and tell him to go sit in the car and wait. He was glaring out the window at me as I smoked and my mum had to knock on the window and tell him to look the otherway as he was annoying everyone. They fought the whole way there. I know the signals around my house and which ones you will be sitting out forever so when we started to come up on one, I would tell my mum to hit the gas to make it before it changed and then pop would start screaming like a girl in the back seat like we were going to get into an accident (never mind that there is no one else out on the road this early in the morning).
Once we got to the waiting room, I pulled out my ipad and started watching a show. I had it on less then the middle level, low enough to the point that my mum and I had to sit with our heads together and the iPad a few inches from our faces and yet pops started snapping that it was too loud. This is the same man who couldn't hear me give him directions and I had to yell and yet he now has bionic ears when it comes to my iPad at low volume.
A patient came in and sat across the room and began coughing. We are in a hospital, this is going to happen. My pops started being over dramatic and covering his mouth with both hands, trying to make himself small in his chair. Germaphobe. When they called me I sprung from my chair thinking I might escape these people.. nope, they followed me. They prepped me and put me in my bed and the parents sat beside me. It wasn't a private room but the rooms with curtains and pops became upset as a different doctor had been behind a curtain with a patient for a long time. "What's wrong with that person, why is the doctor in there so long?" "Its a fucking hospital pops, people are having surgeries. I only hope my doctor spends that much time with me. Stop invading others privacy." Then the cougher came in the door. He wasn't in my cubical, infact I couldn't see him at all but pops heard the cough and started freaking out once more and ran from my room. Thank God it was time for me to go in for surgery.
Forever the clown, I sat up in my bed as they wheeled me down the hall and past other people and waved at everyone like the queen and the minute they pushed me into the operating room I shouted "Lets get this party started!!"with both arms above my head. It was all female doctors behind mask and they turned to laugh. 'What music you have for me during my black out?" I asked so they turned up the radio. "Disco! I like it!! Gas me ladies, I got places to be!" and like that... I was put out.
The agenda was a 2 hour surgery to cut my big toe in half and put some hardwear in it and then to shave down the bone that had buckled, close me up and two hours recovery until I woke up. I however am never the average person. No sooner had they closed me up and began to move the bed to recovery, I sat up and started talking. 'How is it possible you are awake?" they asked laughing. "Hey, I got places to go, people to see and dances to attend. Get me dressed and get me out of here!" I announced.
They went to the waiting room to get my parents and I was told they were bickering so loud that when they went to announce I was out of surgery, they called them several times and still couldn't get their attention. Finally they had to send someone IN to where they sat and interrupt them to come get me. I shake my head just thinking about it but can picture it clearly.
More arguing back to their house in the car. Pops getting upset that it was taking too much time to get me sit in bed with my foot up with ice. When at their house it is Pops castle and he MUST at ALL TIMES have my mums full attention. "KAREN!! come sit next to me to watch TV" that's whats so important. The doc told me to get up every hour to try to put pressure on my foot but every time I did my mum would come to check on me and my pops would begin yelling.
I needed a phone charger so my mum borrowed pops and put a replacement one in it's place. I wouldn't have to charge long but I didn't want to miss Lagunas call saying he was on his way to get me. No sooner had my mum given me the charger then Pops went into his bedroom and started yelling for my mum to come immediately. Even I wondered what the emergency was! It was all over the charger... it wasn't the same one and it wasn't in the top outlet, etc etc.. I told my mum to just take it back. I knew I couldn't handle being there any longer and thank God, Laguna (Rich) showed up 30 minutes later.
While he rang the door bell, I hopped up on my fucked up foot and managed to drag all my shit down the hall and to the door, anxious to get out of there. And of course.. parents.... my mum had to tell him, "She is embarrassed about the suitcase. She thinks you are going to think she is moving in! Isn't that funny?" I wanted to curl up in a ball.
I was happy he came to get me but I felt horrible that he worked all day then drove an hour plus to come get me and turn around immediately and drive back to his house. He wanted to stop for food so I ended up sitting in a restaurant in m pajamas , foot in a brace with no make up on. I didn't even like for HIM to see me this way and yet here I am in public. "What do you NEED?" he asked me. "I need a stiff drink, pain bills and to be naked laying on a bed as its too hot for words!" so once we got back to his house this is exactly what he gave me.

mr laguna, mum, pops, castanzas

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