Conversational Hearts- The new Crack
There are certain candies that I am addicted to like candy crack. And wouldn't you know that all of these candies just have to be are seasonal? Right now is the season of "Conversational Candy Hearts." There are several different types of candy hearts so it's imperative that they are the "Sweetheart" (Necco) brand. So many Conversational hearts try to fool you by also having "SweetHeart" somewhere on the bag or box so the fine print needs to be read. The fake candy hearts have either a very chalky taste or a sorta pepto bismo minty kick... both get a frowny face review from me.
I had forgotten how addictive these little brightly colored taste bud highjackers were until I asked the husband if he could find me a little box of them to attach to a card for a friend I went to grade school with. Candy hearts were a big deal when we were kids as they were the fortune tellers of first grade- Candy either randomly got placed in the tiny child size envelope along with the flat tear out valentine's day card or it was carefully selected to speak for you; to say the things to the boy or girl you liked but were too scared to say in person. The lovely thing about conversational candy hearts were that they could also be called in as a safety net ( Candy hearts easily replaced the "Please mark a box: Do you like me Yes◻ No◻ / do you Like LIKE me Yes◻ No◻"), because if they didn't happen to Like you or the choice of your carefully selected hearts sprinkled in the envelope, you could pull a face and say, "eww... I don't like you, my MUM made me put candy in everyone's envelope- I didnt have time to READ them, d'uh! "
As an adult I can pretty safely guess that boys never took the time to carefully lay out all the candy hearts in a box and pre-select the "conversation" they wanted to share- but as a small nerdy GIRL, it was natural to day dream that the "U R Cute" and "1-4-3" (I Love You) was DEFINATELY picked out by the cute boy as a super secret message especially for you.
I often wonder if children even place candy hearts in the envelopes any more as we live in a different time, a time that is no longer so innocent. I don't know of I would want my child to come home eating candy hearts today; candy that could have been poisoned in some wackado parents kitchen while wearing biohazard yellow gloves and chain smoking. One thing I AM sure of... now days EVERY kid in the class must get a card regardless of if you are well known to be the class booger eater.
In K through 5th grade I recall all the prep time it took leading up to "the big day of LOVE." It seemed that every closet had a shoe box just laying around waiting to be called into service. A note would be sent home to the parents asking us to bring in the shoe box with a slit cut in the lid for cards to be dropped through. At last the day would arrive when the 'Art Lady' (as we called her as it was never a man) would arrive with her craft supplies on a cart with spinning wheels; clacking away as it came down the cement hall way and paused just outside the door for dramatic effect before entering. We would spent an hour gluing pre cut squares of red, white and pink tissue papers along with white paper doilies to the outside of the box before printing out name on it with a black felt tip marker (which I loved to smell just as much as I loved eating the candy hearts). In these prime years we didn't get a printed out cheat sheet listing all the kids names who were in your class, you just KNEW the kids names that you wanted to be your Valentine and you counted on your fingers how many cards you needed to get before going to the store with your mum to buy the box of bad puns & pick up line Cards ( "BEE mine" with a bee buzzing around on small dashes across the front. / "I'd be LION if I didn't say I like you").
But somewhere along the line Cootie boys like Yashua complained and whined when they opened their decorated boxes to find no one "liked Eww" (picture of a sheep with hearts dancing around its head). I even remember it happening. I remember coming to the end of the school day and being a bundle of nerves before picking up my box with sweaty hands and shaking it. Would I hear anything inside or would it be empty? and then I heard it... the slide and shifting of not just one but a few people wanted to "be my Valentine" (so what if 2 of them were from my best friends Kacy and Melissa - I had a Valentine.. AND candy hearts by the sound of it) . I peeled back the lid and began looking through the cards for one from Scotty Addams- I would know his shaky writing instantly as I sat across the row from him and pretended not to be oggling him and what he was writing on his Pee Chee folder 5 days a week) and thats when I heard the sniffle fest and Miss Rose (with her stupid eye twitch) come shuffling down the isle to stand next to Yashua. Whispering ensued but I tuned her out and continued to move the limited cards around in my box while waiting for the end of the day school bell to ring.
"Attention class... Yashua didn't get a Valentines day card... does anyone have any cards they would be willing to share?" What the Heck? Is this how dating and love worked in the grown up world? 'Excuse me, Mike... but Gary doesnt have a girlfriend and I noticed both Shelly AND Angela like you... would you mind giving him Angela's love so he wont be alone for the rest of his life?" I didn't dare look up from my "bootie" box of Valentines and secretly hidden messages of candy hearts but I could feel myself making wide eyes that wondered off in another corner of the room- eyes that said "oh boy" as if it weren't embarrassing enough that you didn't GET any cards but now the teacher is not only announcing it to the whole 5th grade class but she is also looking for free hand outs!?
"You...? You wouldn't mind sharing with Yashua would you?" Miss 'twitchy eye' asked.. or rather DEMANDED while reaching her wrinkled up, knot ridden fingers into my field of vision and plucked a card at random from my box. NOOOOO.... what if THAT were the card from Scotty? I hadn't even finished scouting out my box! I couldn't very well snatch it back from her fingers (.... or could I?... could I?!? Probably not....... couldn't I at least see who it was from first to decide if thats the person I was willing to let go of- I mean I was sure there had to be someone I didn't like in the box, couldnt Yashua have THAT card?)... I would never know as the delivery from my box to Yashua's fat sausage like fingers was speedy and once it reached his grip it had become cootified and I could NEVER get it back unless I was willing to be infected myself. I liked Scotty but if it came with the price of cooties, I was willing to let it go.
The following year as Valentines day quickly approached, as we lined up at the door waiting to leave for the day, a TWO page note was handed out. Of course I was expecting the recruitment note for yet ANOTHER shoe box to act as our childhood mail box delivery system but what was this second page stapled neatly to the back? And there it was.... a list of every child's first and last name that shared the 6th grade class room with me. The first sign of political correctness in my child sized world... either EVERYONE was given a card or you handed no one a card.