awake on the horizon
a few months back while checking in with my "crazy doctor", I brought up again how exhausted I always am. How I fall asleep without warning several times day. The week I was seeing him was the same week I had fallen asleep while walking across the room to shut the office door at work. I face planted into it and flopped loudly down the lenght of the door half asleep and trying to wake myself up. I was torn between laughing (as I imagined how it must have sounded on the other side of the door to people walking by or to anyone who might have had a bird's eye view of this sleep spasm) and yet at the same time I was too exhausted to do anything but allow myself to finish my fall and lay there for a few seconds.
I have tried to stand up when I feel this sudden sleep take over but have learned that this does nothing as a means to keep me awake. Besides the door incident, I have also woken myself up when my chin slammed into the top of the mini fridge during a sneak sleep attack and planned standing as well as sliding out of my office chair , onto my knees and under my desk. I have gotten worse lately because I added in drooling. I must have dozed off for a while and what woke me up was the cold long spittle that went down my face and soaked up into my hair which inadvertently touched my skin jolting me awake.
I used to accidently nod off for about 15 to 30 minutes at a time while typing but now I blink and 2-3 hours might have passed! It's scary and funny at the same time. 3 of the 5 days I work, I rush home to sink into a coma for 3 hours before the husband arrives home. Yesterday when I did this, I woke up at 7pm on my bed and it was still light outside and for a few moments I A: had no idea where I was. B: wondered if I were dreaming the whole thing. C: looked at the clock and thought it was 7am and I had missed a day of work. I panicked and jumped up, racing around the room until my memory returned and noticing it was still night, I crawled back into my sleep position for another hour. anyhow....
When seeing the doctor I brought up the fact that the husband tells me I am narcoleptic.... turns out he just may be right. The doctor ordered some medication for me and I have to admit I was excited at the thought of being awake during normal hours like REAL people. Then the pharmacy refused to fill it. Oddly enough there are only 2 meds for Narcolepsy and the insurance company only covers them if you are 14 years old or UNDER! WTF? really? That seems so backward. The doctor and I went back and forth on this as he couldn't seem to get it pushed thru so I eventually gave up. Fuck it. I will sleep my life away.
I have just been thinking about how worse it is getting and wondering if I am going to be able to continue working and at what point do I have to admit that I am falling asleep on the job to my bosses? when out of the blue this morning the pharmacy called... "your meds are ready to be picked up!"
WOO HOO... so anxious to try them. I figure this weekend will be a good trial run.