Dry Toast to men
.... I don't have any clue what brought it to mind but today on my drive home I had a slight giggle fest when I recalled one of the lamest dates I ever had (though believe me I have had PLENTY). So I was into the Ska /MOD scene as I am sure you are aware of. I mostly only wore black and white and the guys I dated in those first few years of highschool had to belong to the same 'click'. It wasn't a rule or anything but I was highly attracted to the boys with flat tops who wore suits on a daily basis. (There is still something about a man in a suit that makes me not want to allow him to leave the house without first disheveling him & getting him OUT of the suit.)
There was this guy named Mike Marsh who was kinda a dick. Not in the cool way either. People didn't really like him that much. I would guess he was an unpopular booger eater in grade school and somewhere over the course of a summer he discovered a loop hole in the system and became a Mod. There weren't many of us so we all had to stick together. Most of us were poor and shopped at the second hand shop but not Mike. Mike came from a very well to do family and he wore only Fred Perry. At a distance he would appear to be a catch as he was only 14 and his parents were paying the rent on a 2 story house that he shared with 2 other girls- we had parties all the time (to which I would walk home afterwards to have my mum yell at me that she was not a half way house that I could come and go when ever I pleased without telling them where I was). The cherry on top about Mike was that he had his own Vespa. Mikes flaw was when he opened him mouth and he would try to talk like he knew alot of stuff but he didn't know jack.
One night while partying at his house and getting wasted on lucky Logger and smoking pot- he asked me on a date. "A real date?" I replied. I hadn't had many of those and while I didn't really like Mike anymore than anyone else did- he did have somewhat of am 'arm piece" appeal if he kept his mouth shut. "Yes... a real date." I shrugged... why not. My friend Raquel was shocked. "I want to hear all about it when you get back"
Dates aren't actually "dates" at 14 so I didn't think anything was wrong with him asking me out to breakfast as our 'date'. We went to Denny's (which was where all the local Mod's and skas got together and hung out sipping coffee and chain smoking.
We sat down, the waitress brought the menu and I was eyeballing over what I should get. I didn't want to make it too hard on his pocket book yet at the same time I knew he wasn't actually working for the money he had in his wallet either. The waitress came back and asked if we were ready, her pencil poised over the pad. Mike looked up from the menu and says "Yah, I'll have the Grand Slam, eggs scrambled, hash browns,with the bacon... and she will have Toast." ??!!! wait... did he just order for me? I was shocked and sat there with my mouth hanging open. "would you like butter on her toast?" "na.. she doesn't need butter." he replied handing her back his menu & removing mine from my hands.
TOAST!! The man ordered me TOAST! He ordered himself this huge big breakfast meal and expected me to just sit across from him eating DRY toast. He folded his hands together on the table and started talking like everything was cool. I could not believe it! TOAST!!! and I didn't have any money on me so I couldn't do anything. I was trapped there. Needless to say this would be the LAST friendly meal he had as when all our friends asked me how the date went when I got back all I had to say was "He ordered me fucking DRY TOAST!" Mike was oust from the group. Jack Arse.
In other uncomfortable moments.... as a girl- errr WOMAN- I used to LOVE to go dancing on the weekends. The weekends usually consisted of My sister, Amber, Me and Raq doing a whole 'girls' thing and heading out to ABC's to dance on the poitums. Drinking and dancing... good timesgoodtimes!
But every once in a blue moon it is common to meet a guy at the club while sitting around sipping drinks at the standing surf boards that acted as tables or meeting him elses where and HAPPENING to tell him where we were going to be on the weekend and suddenly there he is. There would be alot of flirting going on and such and then -either by chance there is a song that comes on that you'd like "OH I love this song!!" or there is this awkward lull in the conversation where he will ask, "So .... would you like to dance?" And this is the panic moment.
Perhaps it was just me but I would be over come with stress about what kind of dancer he was. The mind would be reeling with nightmare scenerios... and thats where this clip comes in... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpqdS53ULyc
These were the types of dancers a woman gets paniced about in that 2 seconds as she walks to the dance floor with the man in tow....
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?! It's like a car accident you can't look away from. There are moves tossed in here that make you almost wonder if they took dance lessons at the Kinder Care or might be trying to flash some sign language at you! For the love of god... it doesn't matter how fine a man is if he dances like this and believe it or not there is a TON of these guys out there. Funny to watch from the safey of your own home in front of a computer but makes one want to cry when you are stuck with them on the dance floor....
Don't be this guy!!