Going Into Week 4
So here I sit in Harrisburg, PA. I'm moving into my 4th week out of town and while I'm still enjoying my travels I find myself thinking about home. It's not homesickness per se, more of a realization that with the changes in my life recently I find myself coming to grips with the fact that I miss Atlanta. I feel the rising tide of socialness (yes I made it up but it's the best expression). It's not either of our faults, it's just that for a long time the job got in the way. I don't go out that often when I'm on the road, rather, I haven't gone out that much. I generally stayed in and played hermit due to the cyclical nature of my pay. Every penny earned on the road was earmarked for use when I got home, be it for the rare occasions we made it out or for those times that work was scarce.
This led to the interesting and oft times disturbing feeling that even when I was out at events, cons, parties, or dinners and knew most, if not all involved, that I was out of place. Almost as if I were a newcomer and intruding on some private function or the new guy just being introduced to a group. I did my best to never left it show, sometimes failing miserably and others where I should have gotten an Oscar, but it wasn't anything external. It was more, "I haven't been around these people in "x" amount of time, do I even still fit in/belong?"
That being said, over the past few months I've been coming more and more out of that shell; yes, work being more steady is helping, but I owe a lot of it to friends not letting me internalize nearly so much. I've also been doing a lot of introspection on how I operate period. It's a gradual change but significant nonetheless, as I make an effort to get out, meet new people, actually speak at times.
I have been called an arrogant cocky bastard for a long time, I joke about being painfully shy, but it's really more the fact that I don't speak until I've gotten to know someone/everyone in the particular conversation or group. Btw tipsy-wrecked doesn't really count. I think I have been making progress in that arena. Yes, I am away from my home and my friends, but as I have been told repeatedly that's no excuse, "get out of the fucking hotel and have some fun" is a fairly standard refrain at this point. That being the case, I've played tourist more in the past 4 months than I have in the last 4 years.
All of this is just saying that even though I'm in PA for now and can't really stand this place, I'm on my way to Phoenix for a while on Tuesday. That's right I get to go play in the desert. I've never spent much time in that city but I love me some Tuscon, that and for nostalgia's sake I need to make the run to Yuma. Hell if I have the time I might even make it back to San Diego or the Canyon. I haven't been to either in 20yrs. Yes I'm showing my age but who cares? Expect there to be a lot of pictures being posted somewhere or shown when I finally do get home.
I can never really tell where I should end up, the Painted Desert feels like home to me, but it's a romanticized version of it. It'll be interesting to see how well it fits me now.
/end stream of conciousness rambling
This led to the interesting and oft times disturbing feeling that even when I was out at events, cons, parties, or dinners and knew most, if not all involved, that I was out of place. Almost as if I were a newcomer and intruding on some private function or the new guy just being introduced to a group. I did my best to never left it show, sometimes failing miserably and others where I should have gotten an Oscar, but it wasn't anything external. It was more, "I haven't been around these people in "x" amount of time, do I even still fit in/belong?"
That being said, over the past few months I've been coming more and more out of that shell; yes, work being more steady is helping, but I owe a lot of it to friends not letting me internalize nearly so much. I've also been doing a lot of introspection on how I operate period. It's a gradual change but significant nonetheless, as I make an effort to get out, meet new people, actually speak at times.
I have been called an arrogant cocky bastard for a long time, I joke about being painfully shy, but it's really more the fact that I don't speak until I've gotten to know someone/everyone in the particular conversation or group. Btw tipsy-wrecked doesn't really count. I think I have been making progress in that arena. Yes, I am away from my home and my friends, but as I have been told repeatedly that's no excuse, "get out of the fucking hotel and have some fun" is a fairly standard refrain at this point. That being the case, I've played tourist more in the past 4 months than I have in the last 4 years.
All of this is just saying that even though I'm in PA for now and can't really stand this place, I'm on my way to Phoenix for a while on Tuesday. That's right I get to go play in the desert. I've never spent much time in that city but I love me some Tuscon, that and for nostalgia's sake I need to make the run to Yuma. Hell if I have the time I might even make it back to San Diego or the Canyon. I haven't been to either in 20yrs. Yes I'm showing my age but who cares? Expect there to be a lot of pictures being posted somewhere or shown when I finally do get home.
I can never really tell where I should end up, the Painted Desert feels like home to me, but it's a romanticized version of it. It'll be interesting to see how well it fits me now.
/end stream of conciousness rambling